Derek Jeter doesn’t know a bargain when he sees one. He’s currently building what will be the largest home in the Tampa area. This monstrosity could easily hold 10 strip mall strip clubs. He could easily put Ybor City out of business.

How much is Jeter’s house? It’s impossible to say because “it’s one of a kind and unlikely to attract many buyers besides the ultrawealthy”. The property, purchased under the name of Kered Connors LLC (Derek spelled backwards), brought in $7.7 million several years ago. It comes in a 30,875 square feet which is approximately the size of a Best Buy store.

Instead of blowing his load outbuilding the owner of an RV empire, Jeter should have considered Steve McNair’s house which is currently on the market.

The house is reportedly listed for $3.8M but if you act now, you can get $800,000 off and (wait for it) a football autographed by Steve McNair. What a bargain. Jeter is crazy for not considering this deal. It’s a deal. It’s a steal. It’s the sale of the fucking century. In fact, fuck it. I think I’ll buy it myself.

What a fine poster. How could Mr. Yankee say no to such an exclusive house? Who wouldn’t love to live in the house of someone who sacrificed for all of us like Jesus? Shout out to my boy Ray Ray.

Has it really come to this? Are we about to see the Hieroglyphics hedge fund? Diplomats debt obligations? The economy has gotten so bad that people can’t rely on Wall Street to level with them. People are turning to alternative sources of information in a panic. Some people like Sarah Palin trust their witch doctors. Others turn to rappers.

There was some rapper summit in Atlanta where people marinated and waxed poetic on the subject of real estate. It’s not clear why this is news. Cypress Hill has been talking about the real estate since the 90s. Attendees got to hear Russell Simmons, Ludacris and Young Jeezy (?) discuss the importance of home ownership and keeping your ends right.

If Big Daddy Kane is telling me “romance without finance is a damn nuisance”, I’ll listen. However it’ll be a cold day in hell before I recognize Missoura or I ask a rapper how to “diversify my bonds”. If you doubt me, check Aaliyah Mitchell.

One of those who attended, Aaliyah Mitchell, 24, said, “I’m certainly going to benefit from this.”

Mitchell, a former student at Clark Atlanta who now attends a tech school, added, “With stars like Russell Simmons and Ludacris speaking to us, who don’t understand about purchasing a home, I think we’ll have more understanding now.”

I can’t wait to see what Lil Wayne, Master P and MC Hammer have to say on the matter. “You see what you need to be comprehendin’ is that the next big thang is grillz and platinum tanks, nucka.” Yes, Percy. Yes indeed. Luda may talk about real estate at forums but he’s keeping his real goldmine under wraps. Different hoes in different area codes. Now that’s diversification.

If I have to go to rappers for financial advice, there’s only one place I’m going: