You won’t like Ray Lewis when he’s mad. He could do his version of the Buckhead Bounce on you meaning he gets a little stabby then takes off before anyone knows what happened.

Lewis started the week off by going off on Ravens head coach Brian Billick for idiotic play calling on his Baltimore radio show. He didn’t stop with Billick. He also gave some to former teammate Adalius Thomas, now with New England, after an Oct. 16 Sports Illustrated article came out where Thomas criticized the Ravens as attention seekers.

“People there wanted the limelight; people sought out the limelight, starting with the head coach. It was a star-studded system. Here it’s about as different as you can get. Everybody here shies away from being the star guy. Nobody on this team beats his chest. They just all go about their business. And win.”

Lewis responded on Monday in the midst of calling out Billick.

“When you take a shot at men that you claim to love to go to war with, I call those cowards,” Lewis said. “If you have something to say privately, you don’t have to go to a newspaper. If you have something to say to a man, speak it.”

“We won a Super Bowl without Adalius Thomas. The New England Patriots won three Super Bowls without Adalius Thomas. You’re talking about a guy who we put in – a great talent, don’t ever get me wrong – but systematically we had to fit him into our schemes.”

Thomas didn’t take too kindly to being called a coward in addition to being a cog. He called Lewis a coward for not taking his complaints about the play-calling upstairs to the offensive genius himself.

The Patriots play the Ravens on Dec. 3. Lewis might want to hold back considering Billick couldn’t coach his way out of a wet paper bag right now.

“Hey Trent Dilfer, you just won the Super Bowl! What are you going to do now?”
“I’m a stab that muthafucka…”
“What’s that, Ray?”
“Nuthin’, man. Good job on the MVP…bitch.”

I’ll be eternally grateful to Trent Dilfer for leading the Ravens to the Super Bowl but you don’t take a man’s MVP award like that. Especially a man who’s good with butterfly knives and getaway vehicles.

One would think that would be enough to solidify one’s position as QB but one would be wrong. Dilfer was bounced out of town in favor of Elvis Grbac. We all know how that went.

It’s been six years and Dilfer’s still a little pissed.

“I have absolutely zero desire to talk to Brian Billick … “Those guys will go to their graves swearing to God that we would have won two, three Super Bowls if they would have kept me. I’m not going to say that; I have no idea. But I sure would have liked the chance to face the challenge. I would have loved that opportunity.”

“[Billick] grossly misunderstood the talent of that football team, myself specifically.”

At least he’s not bitter.

Offensive genius Brian Billick responded,

“I have huge respect for Trent,” Billick said. “I can understand why this is something that he doesn’t want to let go. I don’t know if there is anything that I’m ever going to be able to say or do to rectify it.”

Replacing Dilfer with Grbac was wrong. Billick might as well have told Dilfer to shit on his hand and slap himself in the face. He finally got it right after subjecting Charm City to assclowns such as Stoney Case and Scott Mitchell and of course he had to mess it up. He doesn’t deserve it but it looks like he’s struck gold again with Kyle Boller. Oh wait…

Maybe Dilfer’s pissed at the wrong person. I think Dilfer’s ouster was really a Machiavellian master stroke by Ray Lewis who was pissed that he didn’t get Super Bowl MVP. Yeah that’s it.

Professional athletes often have no idea what to do with their money. Some invest wisely like Robbie Fowler or Magic Johnson. Others blow their money on child support like Travis Hen….never mind. There are those who invest in clubs like Cliff Levingston and Dennis Rodman. I suppose there’s also dogfighting, drug rings and NASCAR. A large percentage of past and present athletes such as Chris Chelios and Michael Vick decide to invest in bars and restaurants.

From time to time, the Deuce will take one for the team and review these athlete-owned or sponsored establishments. First up is Ray Lewis’ Full Moon BBQ in Baltimore.

I’m available to take wedding and funeral pictures with my cell phone.

You can always tell that a restaurant is popular with the local gentry when you walk in on a Saturday night and see only two tables taken and no one at the bar. Unfortunately, we got to the Canton restaurant around 9:30-10:00 at night so we had to get carry-out. Well that’s not exactly the reason why we didn’t stay. Redonkulous 1.0 and I would have stayed except we noticed a sign stating that an 18% gratuity would be added to all bills after 9:00. Fuck that. I already heard stories and there was no way I was gonna put 18% down if said rumors were true. Maybe my tip would be to tell the waitress not to stand up in a canoe or look into the sun.

I ordered the chicken and rib combo along with mac and cheese and greens. Redonkulous 1.0 ordered the BBQ chicken with greens and mashed potatoes. After arriving back at the lair, we proceeded to dig into our meals. I was disappointed as soon as I opened the box. The chicken portion was fine in terms of size but the rib portion looked as though it came off a Darfurian pig. My disappointment was soon confirmed when I took a bite and the meat slid off the bone. Usually this is a good thing but it’s not when the meat is dry and the sauce is flavorless. Hickory slow cooked my ass. There was definitely no reason to stab and twist the meat off the bone Buckhead style.

The same applied to the chicken. While the portion was ample, the sauce had little flavor and was somewhat reminiscent of the BBQ they used to serve in my college dining hall. Devoid of flavor. If I had to guess, I would bet they used Hunt’s or Aldi-brand BBQ sauce. I wouldn’t be surprised if it was mostly ketchup.

The sides were possibly the only thing that saved the meal besides the Ray Lewis bobble head. The greens were flavorful and had the requisite chunks of chicken (rice and stuffing macaroni and cheese and Santa put gifts under Christmas trees). The mashed ppotatoes were light and fluffy. The mac and cheese was a bit chalky but tasty. Adding leftover BBQ sauce was improved it slightly. I was looking for any positive I could find. The chow-chow portions should be larger as this was the best part of the meal.

While we didn’t have time to sample the other entrees on the menu, I don’t see myself going back to do any followup. While it isn’t the worst BBQ I’ve ever had, its bland, corporate nature puts it on the level of Applebee’s and Chili’s.

Rating: 1 Getaway Limo

* The shirt says “What time is it? GAME TIME!! Any ribs in the house??”. I may go back just to buy one of these.

Every time we lose a hero, a new one comes on the scene to take his or her place. This time is no different. Chris Benoit, we hardly knew ye. We now enter the dark, purple world of Stabbin’ Blacula.

The Baltimore Sun’s Kevin Eck reports Baltimore Ravens linebacker Ray Lewis confirmed that he was scheduled to wrestle in a TNA event on June 17th of this year. It was first reported in the Wrestling Observer which also noted that he was supposed to wrestle for the WWE in 2001.

Lewis was supposed to tag team with James Storm against Jerry Lynn (girl’s name) and former Maryland Terps/Tennessee Titans TE Frank Wycheck (two concussions short of Merrill Hoge). He backed out three days before the event without giving a reason. If he had gone through with it, Lewis was supposed to turn on Storm and help Wycheck win the match. Someone by the name of Ron Killings took Lewis’ place. How appropriate.

I can see it now. “From parts unknown at the U, Stabbin’ Blacula!!!” Lewis comes out dressed like Blacula with a purple cape and carry a carving knife. Mr. Fuji and Virgil would be so proud.

If you’re still wondering what happened in the match, let’s go to the tape. You gotta love 4:35 where they do a Jeremy Shockey imitation in a Titans helmet.

By the way, the ‘Skins never should have cut Wycheck.

In the spirit of bringing you great local commercials, the Deuce brings you more Eastern Motors. I thought I was up to date on all my Eastern Motors commercials until I saw these two featuring Ray Lewis.

He really needs to sing the Eastern Motors song backed up by DJ Kool and surrounded by a bunch of dancing knives cutting prices. Nothing increases productivity like stabbin’.