Athlete and rapper. Together at last like peanuts and gum. There’s not much better than hearing athletes embarass themselves on wax. “I’m great on the field or court so how could I not also be good at the rap game.” The list of wack sports rappers is long. Kobe, AI, Neon Deion, Shaq, Chicago Bears, MC Hammer (well he was a batboy). Who was the first athlete to go solo on wax? I’m not sure but Darryl Strawberry had to be one of the first to do it.

You might have forgotten about this gem called “Chocolate Strawberry” recorded by Darryl, UTFO and Run DMC in 1987.

When I’m runnin, all the players make space
My name is Darryl, I’m a baseball player
One thing I forgot to say-a
When I’m on the field I’m on top of the world
I get screams from all the girls (Dar-ryl!)

Eat your heart out, Roger Craig. These lyrics are funky fresh!

We’ll leave you with these two works of brilliance for Friday. These first has the added bonus of Roger Craig rapping and Jerry Rice doing the K-Swiss. We give you the 49ers Rap.

This is the coup de grace. Not only does it feature Deion Sanders but it also showcases MC Hammer and the one and only Jean Claude Van Damme. There’s nothing the Belgian Bomber can’t do.

Ay Dios mio. We just stumbled across this…this…abortion dropped by former Manchester United star Andy Cole in 1999. It’s his debut and hopefully last music single called Outstanding. Hopefully, that’s supposed to be ironic. This stinks so bad it could “knock a buzzard off a crap wagon from 100 yards”.

Outstanding didn’t even break the UK Top 40. Hopefully Sir Alex gave him the hairdryer treatment for making others suffer through this.

This video got me wondering what other footballers got their music on and whether they fared better than Andy Cole. I managed to pull some “old and busted” together for you. Thank me later.

First up is Diamond Lights by Glenn Hoddle and Chris Waddle from 1987. Glenn Hoddle will always have a special place in my heart. I can’t remember if it’s for starting the Chelsea evolution from also-rans to contenders or his views on the disabled.

Diamond Lights charted at No. 12 on the UK charts. “Not a bad song. Not a good song either.” You have to love Hoddle forgetting to lip sync at 2:42.

The next entry is the English Super Bowl Shuffle known as the Anfield Rap. Liverpool recorded this before the 1988 FA Cup Final. I have no idea why teams don’t record FA Cup Final songs anymore. The songs were always shit but good for a laugh especially when you hated the team.

Geordie boys do anything including “suck sickly sausage rolls” according to Gazza. Paul Gascoigne recorded Fog on the Tyne with Lindsfarne. I certainly don’t want to make fun of alcoholism but maybe seeing this had something to do with his incredible decline from being the future of English football to the sad mess he is today.

Who Ate All The Pies lets you compare the original to the Gazzafied version. We have to agree that the Gazza version is actually miles ahead of the original.

Here’s another Geordie offering from Newcastle manager Kevin Keegan. Doubt he’ll ever sing this to Dennis Wise.

Think Alan Shearer’s going to let Gazza and Keegan take all the glory. Hell no. Here’s the former Newcastle captain singing an emotionless All Night Long. I think Lionel Richie’s job is safe. Yeah jambo jambo!!

Los Angeles Galaxy GM Alexi Lalas is more of an acoustic kind of guy. Here he sings Goodnight Moon. I wonder if this was part of his sales pitch to Goldenballs.

I’ll close this post out on a high note with Fulham midfielder Clint “Deuce” Dempsey who happens to be my favorite US player not just because he shares a name with this blog. You might remember his most recent offering on Setanta. Here’s Don’t Tread with Big Hawk. America, fuck yeah.

If these aren’t enough for you, enjoy the musical stylings of Ruud Gullit, Terry Venables (that’s El Tel to you) and Blackburn’s Morten Gamst Pedersen.

** I just came across this Who Ate All The Pies post listing the top 10 rapping footballers. Enjoy.