West Ham should thank Russell Brand for choosing Katy Perry to service his needs at the present time. They may be able to pull themselves out of massive debt thanks to her assets. Icelandic millionaires came in and tried to save the team but their country’s economy tanked and so did the team’s fortunes. Who knew lingerie was the answer?
Perry wore West Ham-inspired lingerie to the European MTV Awards for Brand who is a West Ham supporter. The outfit was so popular that the designer, Siobhan Dillon, will make more exclusively for West Ham and sell them for $500 a pop. Hopefully a purchase doesn’t require being forced to listen to Perry’s music. One can go to Guantanamo or Afghanistan for free if one wants to be tortured with terrible music.
It’s a good thing the Icelanders didn’t come up with the team lingerie idea first. No one wants to see Bjork with a West Ham swan around her neck. Other teams might want to consider doing the same thing although it might not work out well for them. Charlize Theron has been known to follow Chelsea. That’s good but so has Tara Reid. That’s bad. Lumpy bad. Ashley Judd follows Kentucky basketball religiously. That’s good. Penny Marshall is a die-hard Lakers fan. That’s bad. Bad in so many ways like Warren G. Alyssa Milano would just rotate her gear depending on the week, city and team. It’s a hit or miss proposition but don’t front like you wouldn’t be down if your man or woman wanted to rock your team’s gear for you.
It’s hard to feel sorry for El Hadji Diouf. The Blackburn striker and serial spitter is in trouble again but this time, it’s racialist. He’s being investigated by the police and FA after allegations surfaced that he racially abused a ball boy during a match against Everton. It’s alleged that he said, “Fuck off, white boy” because the kid didn’t give him a ball fast enough.
Diouf denies the allegations and claims that Everton supporters threw bananas at him. That’s a massive charge as it brings up memories of John Barnes’ struggles in the 80s as one of the first black players in the league. He faced a barrage of racial abuse which including having bananas thrown at him.
Speaking to Radio Monte Carlo, Diouf said: “The ball went out and I wanted to take the throw in quickly.
“The ball-boy threw the ball at me like a bone to a dog.
“The assistant referee told me he saw it but we had to continue and we would look at it at half-time.
“What’s more people threw bananas at me. The fourth official said he would make a report to the police.
“I didn’t say anything so that people couldn’t say ‘It’s El Hadji Diouf again’.
The Everton brass are furious with Diouf’s statements. No banana-related evidence was found where Diouf claimed he was attacked and no evidence of banana tossing was picked up by TV cameras or photographers. Obviously Everton should face serious sanctions should his claims be proven. However that appears unlikely. It seems more likely that it’s El Hadji Diouf again. If we’re wrong, we’ll apologize.
This isn’t the first time Diouf has been the center of controversy. He’s well known for spitting on fans and opposing players in addition to being an all-around jackass. Abusing a ball boy for being slow to return a ball is way out of line. It’s almost part of the game. There has only been one documented case where verbally or physically beating a ball boy has been acceptable.
Man City to make GBP50m bid for Newcastle United supporters
Premier League billionaires Manchester City have today launched an audacious bid for the entire fan base of recently relegated Newcastle United. The unexpected move has come as part of City’s plans to be the best supported club in the world, and the so-called ‘Best Supporters In The World’ have provided a logical starting point. The move will see each of Newcastle United’s 50,000 ‘regulars’ offered GBP1,000 to change their allegiances to Manchester City.
Our competitive advantage is our financial position, and we will buy anything and everything we feel will help us improve this football club. Said City boss Mark Hughes. Securing the Newcastle United fans offers us a great opportunity to improve our position as the best supported club in the league They have just the sort of experience we’re looking for, in that they’ve enjoyed fleeting periods of great expectation followed almost immediately by abject failure, which will be useful to us in the next two years.
Unlimited funds
Hughes continued, We’ll happily pay top dollar for supporters who will blindly follow their team and defend them as the greatest in the world in the face of over-whelming evidence to the contrary. And in that respect, the Geordies really are second to none. The Newcastle fans, who will not be subjected to a medical, are expected to have a ‘fully clothed at all times’ clause inserted into their Man City contracts. A Newcastle spokesperson said that although the move has come at a bad time for them, the entire fee will be used to rebuild the supporter base into a slimmer, better looking unit which they hope will be ‘the envy of the Championship’ .
A London-based friend of the Deuce was kind enough to pass along the contract details of Manchester United’s Michael Owen. Here are some of the highlights.
£30,000 per week basic pay.
£20,000 per starting appearance, conditional on Owen completing at least three minutes on the pitch without collapsing in an anguished heap.
£20,000 per goal scored, as long as he doesn’t break his arm/hip/entire skeletal frame celebrating with Rio Ferdinand.
£30,000 for every goal scored against Liverpool, conditional on Owen dancing a jig in front of Rafael Benitez. Owen must not injure himself mid-jig.
£20,000 for every successful hounding of a referee. Must ensure official is too scared to award any controversial decisions against United for the rest of the match/season/eternity.
£20,000 one-off fee to take Nani on a helicopter ride to a small island off the coast of Iceland, and leave him there.
£20,000 one-off fee payable upon Owen burning all copies of his promotional brochure. He must never mention said brochure again.
£70,000 reduction in pay if Owen ever declares himself fit to play for England again.
