Why the hell not? Americans don’t give a damn. Congress and state legislatures are populated by assclowns on both sides of the aisle. No one cares about qualified candidates anymore. In fact, being qualified for office is a disadvantage. “Oh you got you some book learnin’. The other guy said he’ll burn books. I like fire.” You better be against a whole lot of things and not know why. It’s amazing how cavalier people are when it comes to voting. Imagine if they were that nonchalant about their doctors. “She got a doctor coat on and said there’s something wrong with my neckbone. Sound legit to me. Apply gravy every four hours? Got it.”

I don’t know whether Carl Lewis is qualified for office but I don’t care. You don’t either. All you care about is whether you can have a steak and beer with him. Well you can’t. He’s a vegan. That should be a campaign killer especially in a Republican-leaning district but he’s likely running for state senate as a Democrat anyway.

Forget Lewis’ policies. Most voters don’t pay attention to the ones that really affect them. If they do, they don’t expect their representatives to have a firm grasp of the issues let alone address them in an intelligent or mature manner. If they did, our legislative bodies would look very different. Candidates just tell you what they think you want to hear anyway. Right, Mitt? People grab the superficial because it’s easier so that’s what they get. Let’s go to the video and see whether he can measure up to the tough standards of the New Jersey voter.

The 8th Legislative District leans Republican so whoever runs better not just love America. You better think we’re exceptional and God blesses us and no one else. What better way to show you love freedom than singing the national anthem.

It’s going to be tough going for Lewis running as a Democrat in the 8th. Being a vegan is not going to help him either. His opponents will compare him to Dennis Kucinich who at least has a hot wife (although no one knows how). Winning a couple gold medals isn’t going to do it. He better show that he’ll fight for his constituents.

A state senator who keeps his pimp hand strong is attractive. None of this limp wrist bullshit. Working out is good as well. Remember how former governor Corzine attacked Gov. Christie about his weight? No worries about that with a former Olympic gold medalist however the leotard and bubbles…

You’re set if you live in the 8th Legislative District. Forget the speeches, campaign fliers and debates. Everything you need to make an quick, uneducated decision is in this post. The Deuce does not offer political endorsements besides Luther Campbell for Miami-Dade County mayor so you’ll actually have to do some of this on your own. Pop pop that ballot! Breakdown!

Brett Favre stories are like Bebe’s kids. They don’t die, they multiply. Every time they seem to fade away, they come back thanks to someone in Minnesota called Unnamed Source. When I find Unnamed Source, I’ll make sure he never spreads any rumors again. Until then, we aren’t going to entertain any stories about potential comebacks, Mississippi practices or any other Favre-related bullshit. However, we will indulge anything that mocks him or discusses any dirt he and Mark Chmura did while in Green Bay. Let the mocking begin.

Wisconsin governor Jim Doyle began the public mocking of Favre by using his name as a punch line while announcing his decision to not run for a third term. Doyle, unlike Sarah Palin, will honor his commitment and finish out his term which ends in January 2011. He explained that he didn’t believe governors should serve more than two terms.

We’d say it’s good to hear from Karl Malone but we’d much rather hear from Jimmy Kimmel as Karl Malone. Karl Malone say he gon’ see his boy Hannity and talk him some politickin’. That went as well as you would imagine.

Malone showed up on Fox News to “talk” politics with Sean Hannity. Let’s just say the conversation was about as high brow as you would expect. The Mailman threatened to slap congressmen and senators who accuse American troops of abuses while stationed overseas.

Malone’s statement was a response to this quotation by Hannity: “But I think what happened with Bush Derangement Syndrome — this is important — is that they so went after the president. They accused our troops of being Nazis, compared them to the gulags, said they were terrorizing women and children in the dark, and accused them of murder without even any evidence.” He continued, “These are congressmen and senators doing this.”

Malone replied, “Well, first of all, the Congress and the senators need to be slapped around for saying it. These are our kids.” He went on, “Look at me. Turn the cameras off, and I’ll slap them. OK.”

Tony Blankley responded with an “I’ll hold your coat for you” as though he was a member of James Brown’s backing band. “Can I get up and do my thing?” “Yeah!” Eleanor Clift jumped out and started yelling at Blankley. “Can I talk?? I want to finish what I’m saying!!”

Karl Malone should take over for Alan Colmes. Serious political discussion like this shouldn’t be an occasional event. The Mailman can threaten to beat any and everyone that Hannity hates on any given day. Maybe he and Chris Brown can travel around on a Hannity Slap Tour going after “Congress and the senators” who dare go against the Hannity party line. Brown will handle the women. What? Too soon?

“America’s #1 Hockey Mom” probably thought her children would act as a shield. Sheeeeit, you betta ask somebody.

That’s cold but that’s how Philly do. Did they really think it would go any other way? I’m sure no one noticed the attempt to drown out the boos by turning up the music. Too bad Flyers owner and McCain supporter Ed Snider couldn’t block out the Obama/Biden signs in the crowd.

Let this episode be a lesson to team owners who insist on shoving their politics down the throat of the fan. You too will fail especially if you live in Philadelphia.

UPDATE: By the time Palin dropped the puck Saturday night, she was used to the boos. She had been getting them since 3:35 PM that afternoon.

Browns coach Romeo Crennel is in a state of panic. His team sucks again, Derek Anderson has lost it and Brady Quinn can’t seem to keep his mind on football between online dating and endorsing crazy old men for president. He had to draw the line somewhere and he decided on politics.

The Chicago Tribune reports that Crennel has asked players to keep politics out of the locker room in order to maintain team unity. After all, one can’t expect people to have differing political opinions and manage to maintain some sense of order and decorum.

“Politics are their politics as long as they don’t interfere with the team,” Crennel said Thursday. “That’s my main concern, that they don’t get on a soap box in the locker room and get it going back and forth about a particular candidate against another candidate. That’s why the ballot is a secret ballot when you go vote.”

Never mind that the Redskins seem to be able to handle political discussion in the locker room without WWIII breaking out. Crennel better be careful before people start calling him out for making Bryant Gumbel look like Malcolm X. According to Dave Chappelle, keeping your politics quiet is a white thing.

“White people do not like to talk about their policial affiliations. Its a secret. You ask a white guy who’s he votin for, like ‘Hey Bob, who you gonna vote for?’ ‘Dave! Dave, woah, woah woah. Take it easy. So I was fuckin my wife in her ass, right? And let me tell you, it was something else.’ ‘Yeah yeah, but who are you gonna vote for?’ ‘DAVE! Dave, come on with the voting! I’m trying to tell you about fucking my wife in the ass, and you’re asking me all these personal questions.’ “

Let’s not be too judgmental. Crennel is trying to avoid the potential meltdown which has been known to happen. We’ve see what happens when certain political issues such as the military come up in a locker room.

They serve with honor. It’s kill or be killed. It’s understandable why soldiers feel as strongly as they do about war. Express yourself, Kellen.