So the playoffs begin this weekend and I fell off the map with my picks in the last 2 weeks of the regular season, so i totally have to make up for it here just for my own peace of mind. I ended up finishing above .500 for the year, which bodes well for the playoffs. As always, all lines are from TheGreek. Hot cheerleader is Meghan from the Baltimore Ravens. Lets get to the games*:

New York Jets at CINCINNATI -2.5

The Bengals know they are going to win this game and they will. The young “Sanchize” shouldn’t be much of a factor here as rookie quarterbacks with questionable receiving corps. generally do not do well in the playoffs. The Jets D might be able to keep this close for awhile, since the Bengals only have one receiving threat themselves, but I expect the Bengals to easily win this game by well more than a field goal. Take the Bengals.

PHILADELPHIA +4 at Dallas

The Eagles got destroyed last time they faced the Cowboys, getting shut out 24-0. The first time they faced the Cowboys, they lost 16-20 at home. So why am I picking the Eagles this week? Simple! I hate the Cowboys. Also there is no way an NFC East team beats another NFC East team 3 times in a row. Its got to be some sort of statistical fact that this never happens. Like ever. Unless it has, then its almost never. Take the Eagles, at the very worst, they will probably cover, at best, they win outright.

BALTIMORE +3.5 at New England

Picking against the Patriots, at home, in the playoffs should be suicide for you bank account. This year, I do not think it is. I think the loss of Welker is going to really hurt their offensive attack which was hardly as dynamic as it has been in past years. Some people in Baltimore still say they would’ve beaten the Patriots in the regular season if it werent for all those phantom roughing the passer penalties on them. I’m all about the road dogs this week apparently.

GREEN BAY +1 at Arizona

The Cardinals were in the Super Bowl last season and they are only favored by 1 point here? Ohhh, maybe its because Kurt Warner has no healthy bodies to throw the ball to and is depending on a couple of backs dealing with a little case of fumbleitis. Meanwhile Green Bay can score on anyone but they have supreme difficulty in stopping anyone. Luckily, in this game, they shouldnt have to do much to stop the Cards. Take the Pack. Road dogs rule!

Good luck.

*Deuce of Davenport is only doing this column for entertainment purposes only, you’d be a fool to actually follow any of this advice and/or these picks. We accept no responsibility for anyone actually gambling with these picks.

Well last week was pretty freakin average. We went 7-6, although truthfully, I would’ve changed my Indy -9 pick as I found out about their injuries on their D later in the week, but ya can’t cry over spilled milk. We were perfect on the Locks of the Week and Upset Specials making our records in those 5-4 and 3-6 respectively and 67-59 overall. Not bad, but we’re going to try to widen that gap a little bit more this week. Lets get on to it, shall we? As always, all lines are from TheGreek. Hot cheerleader is Stacy from the Philadelphia Eagles. Scroll to the bottom if you want to skip to the Upset Special and the Lock of the Week.*

Jacksonville at NEW YORK JETS -7

I was soooo close to taking the Jags and the points in this game because i figured this one could be a close one, then I find out that MJD might have a gimpy knee. Oh dear. Well, while I am a fan of Liberty’s own Rashad Jennings, MJD is the heart and soul of the Jags. They go as he goes…well and how David Garrard goes too i guess…and maybe how their defense goes as well but that is neither here nor there. Since MJD might be hurting, I am gonna go ahead and pick the J-E-T-S to come out of their slumpage and kick the Jags down a notch. Its not like the Jaguars defense can really stop any of the Jets running backs anyway and the Sanchize should be able to not screw this game up. A touchdown, at home, should be plenty for the Jets to win by.

CINCINNATI +7 at Pittsburgh

So these two teams played each other back in September and the score was 23-20 with the Bengals winning. Cinci was a 3.5 point underdog in that game at home, double that and that is what they are on the road in Steelertown. I think this one is a close one. The Bengals and the Steelers are both playing some terrific defense and both are moving the ball down the field on offense. Unless the Steelers D goes nuts on Carson Palmer’s knee, this one isn’t going to be decided by more than 4 points. Take the Bengals.

Buffalo at Tennessee UNDER 41

Guess who is back? T.E. in the hizzy yo! You know what that means? Why it means the Bills have no chance at all at winning this game. Well, ok, they do have a slight chance at winning if their ball hawking defense comes to play and picks off Vincent Young a few times. But it really doesn’t matter who wins this game really because I am going for the totals here. I dont anticipate this game having a lot of points. Do you really expect the Titans to score over 30 points for the 3rd week in a row? I certainly don’t. Vinsanity has to come back to earth, Trent Edwards is lookin more like Trent Green with his concussion issues, and both teams will be grinding it out on the ground as much as they can. Take the Under here, its the safe pick for sure.

DETROIT +16.5 at Minnesota

Jesus, that is a lot of points for the Vikings to cover. Sure it is at home and Stafford just had a 5 INT game, but there is no way I can pick a team to cover that many points. Its difficult to imagine that the books are getting equal action on this one, but their loss is your gain. The Vikings defense is not playing well enough now to beat the Lions by 17 points, garbage time will screw them on that for sure. Take the Lions and watch the game pretending that the Lions already have a 16 point lead. Trust me, it’l make it a TON more enjoyable to watch.

ATLANTA -1 at Carolina

This might be the toughest game to pick this week. Both of these teams are impossible to figure out to me. At some times Matt Ryan is a world beater while others it he is just beating himself. The Panthers, meanwhile, are now somehow winning games without any passing game whatsoever. They should just try to be like Navy and never pass the ball, ever. Its worked pretty well for them, I don’t see why the Panthers can’t give it a shot. Can’t be any worse really because how can you trust Jake Delhomme at this point in his career? How bad must the backup quarterbacks be on this team if they are still playing Delhomme? I have no idea who is gonna win this, on paper (my papers at least), the Falcons should win, so I am just gonna go with that and pray it comes true.

TAMPA BAY +10 at Miami

Miami should win this game, hammering the ball at the Bucs with their corps of running backs and if Tampa was smart, they would be doing the same thing in return. However, there is no way I think Miami wins this one by more than 10. If Tampa could put the smack down on Green Bay, certainly they can keep up with Miami. Least I think so…and that is what is important, right? RIGHT?

KANSAS CITY +2 at Oakland

This is a matchup of two of the must brutal offenses in the league. This is NOT a marquee mathchup any stretch of the imagination. I dont even want to pick it really. I really care so little about this game. You shouldn’t watch, you shouldn’t bet on it, but if you do, just take the Chiefs. I dont ever, EVER like Oakland as a favorite.

Seattle at ARIZONA -9

I’ve done pretty well this year picking against the mighty Seahawks and I am hoping this won’t end now. The Cards are coming on strong, picking up momentum as the season progresses and I think they will romp over the Seahawks this week. The ‘hawks just don’t have enough on defense to slow down the prolific attack of the Cards.

The one good thing about the Seahawks is Matt Hasselbeck and watching him on the NFL Network’s Sound FX. This guy is a fucking riot. Listening to him on the field, you can completely tell that 1) He knows Seattle is going nowhere this season and 2) He can just have fun this season because if he took it seriously he might actually kill himself. You can tell that he honestly doesn’t give a damn anymore. Its brilliant television. If you get the NFL Network, dvr/watch Sound FX for last week’s games, its totally worth it for this guy. Anyway, the Seahawks have beaten the Rams, Jags and Lions…no way they are winning this week, take the Cards and the points.

Philadelphia at SAN DIEGO -1

Last time Phily went out to the west coast they got beaten by the lowly Oakland Raiders. I don’t think this week will be much different…except that San Diego is actually starting to play really good football right now. Attribute this spread to the mighty EAST COAST BIAS and the lie that is the strength of the NFC East. Take the Chargers and let Marmalad/Kinglaserface take you to victory.

DALLAS -3 at Green Bay

Oh, see what i just wrote about the NFC East right there…well it doesn’t apply to this game. The Packers are a team in some serious trouble right now. Their offensive line is horrrrrrrrrrrible and Aaron Rogers isn’t helping things right now by not getting out of the way of all the defensive players that are sacking him. Even though the skill players are still putting up crazy good fantasy points, the team as a whole is not playing so well right now. The Cowboys, on the other hand, look to be gelling at the right time. Miles Austin is a revelation. That crazy toothed mofo can get open, run real fast and actually hold onto the ball. All the things that receivers should do, but so, so many of them dont. Look at Roy Williams, Ted Ginn and the entire Washington Redskins receiving corps and so many others for proof of that. Stick with what works, the power running and Miles Austin and Dallas should cover 3 points on the road here easy.

New England at INDIANAPOLIS -3 (+105)

CLASH OF THE TITANS! GAME OF THE YEAR! GAME OF THE MONTH! GAME OF OUR LIVES! This game is SO BIG they should put Pat Summerall and John Madden back together and reanimate Howard Cosell’s lifeless, dead and buried corpse to be the world’s creepiest sideline reporter EVER. Way creepier than Pam Oliver’s fivehead. Two of the douchiest quarterbacks ever in one EPIC BATTLE for AFC DOMINATION.

There are only 2 real good games this week, Cinci/Pittsburgh is one and this is the other and both are only AFC teams. The AFC playoffs are going to be so much more entertaining than the NFC games or the Super Bowl. Because of this, I think we should celebrate the AFC playoffs the way we normally celebrate the Super Bowl and celebrate the Super Bowl the way we normally celebrate the Pro Bowl, because in reality, it is going to be about as meaningful as that game. Whomever wins the AFC Championship is pretty much the best team in the league. At least reanimated Howard Cosell would say so…or something like “mmmMMRRRUURRGGGH!”

Anyway, I think it is possible that the Patriots are just dickish enough to end the Colts winning streak right here and leave Peyton Manning to look like, well, Peyton Manning, but I cannot resist a juicy line like the one I have above. Taking the favorite, giving points, but getting odds…I love it. People are on the Pats 2 to 1 in this one, but the line has been pretty steady at -3. I think the Colts D is getting stronger every week and Peyton is playing football as if he were Neo in the Matrix, everything is just slow for him. They stay unbeaten, take the Colts.

Baltimore at CLEVELAND +10

Baltimore has been looking pretty average as of late and this week the Derek Anderson show is over with Brady Quinn starting for the Browns. 10 points is an awful lot for the Ravens to score on the road, even though the Browns really have no defense whatsoever. This is a horrible Monday night game and ESPN should be pissed that it is on their schedule, especially with the Sunday Night game looking to be like the NBC’s Battle of the NFL Network Superstars. Just take the home dog and immediately hop in the shower to wash away the shame you will have for betting this game…and you will bet it. Its Monday Night Football, you are going to either try to cap your winning week off with a big win, or try to recoup your losses from all the other games you listened to me on. We all know this and you know this. Just admit you have a problem and that is the first step on the road to recovery.

UPSET SPECIAL OF THE WEEK

New Orleans at ST. LOUIS +13.5

My spidey sense was tingling last week with the Saints and I was right, they didn’t cover in a game they clearly should have…but I didn’t listen to it, much to my dismay. I’m not making the same mistake this week. Plus, while looking over the numbers on this one, pretty much 99% of the action is on the Saints to cover…yet the line either hasn’t moved or has gone DOWN from 14 points. What does that tell you people? It tells you that the Rams are the play here with out a doubt. I don’t exactly know how this is going to go down…but it will…and you will reap the benefits from it.

LOCK OF THE WEEK

DENVER -3.5 at Washington

Since I told myself that I could never bet on Washington again the rest of the season, this is the most obvious pick on the board. Amazingly, betting against Washington for the season has worked out quite well. As a matter of fact if you only bet against Washington all season, you would actually be up a considerable amount of money. The Redskins have beat the spread once, against Carolina, when they lost by 3 points instead of 5. They actually pushed their first game of the season, losing to the Giants by just 6 points. The other 6 games the Redskins have played this year, they failed to cover their end of the bargain. Fading the Redskins is the only way to gamble people! You would be 6-1-1 if you did this! So why go against the grain? Fade them again this week, take the Broncos who should easily cover 3.5 points against this woeful Redskins squad.

*Deuce of Davenport is only doing this column for entertainment purposes only, you’d be a fool to actually follow any of this advice and/or these picks. We accept no responsibility for anyone actually gambling with these picks.

WOW. Last week was awesome huh? If i didn’t monkey around and give you guys the over/under/ml picks I would’ve gotten 12 of 13 right. As it was, I got 8 right and 5 wrong here. Amazingly my lock of the week was the only game against the spread that I lost, the rest was just crazy picks for you kids and I am vowing now to not go nuts and give you more spread picks. All in all, last week was our best week of the season by far and it will only get better. To date, I am 60-53, 4-4 on locks of the week and 2-6 on upset specials. Lets keep making money this week, on to the picks. As always, all lines are from TheGreek. Hot cheerleader is Sabrina C. from the Atlanta Falcons. Scroll to the bottom if you want to skip to the Upset Special and the Lock of the Week.*

KANSAS CITY +6.5 at Jacksonville

After the stinker the Jags laid last week, I am not sure how they are favored by almost a touchdown against the Chiefs. They’ve lost to the Titans and only beat the Rams by 3 points, are we so sure that they will beat the Chiefs down by a friggin touchdown? Certainly NOT! I personally think its more likely that without the Larry Johnson mope-show around, the Chiefs might be focused enough to actually win this one. Clock is always right two times a day, this might be the 2nd time. Take the Chiefs.

Baltimore at Cincinnati +3

Ok, the Bengals went to Baltimore and beat the Ravens, but the Ravens are the favorites on the road against them…I don’t get it. This, to me, is an example of the public putting money on a sentimental favorite and not giving respect to the underdog…who shouldn’t be an underdog. Have you seen the Bengals’ record this year? Here’s a hint, it is better than the Ravens’ record. Just take the home dog, and watch double your money come back to you.

DETROIT +10 at Seattle

Stafford is gonna play, Megatron (see right) is back and Kevin Smith isnt hurt, surely they can keep up with the Seahawks in this one. Yes we all know Seattle is a difficult place to play, but the ‘Hawks are hurting on their O line and their running game is horrendous even when it is healthy. They won’t be able to grind out a win here, Detroit will keep this one close. Take the Lions to cover.

Also, how fucking cool is it that Calvin Johnson is nicknamed Megatron? Its a great nickname, I’d love to be nicknamed Megatron, but despite its awesomeness, does it even make any sense to call him that? Its not like he is evil, its not like the Lions are the “bad guys” in any game they play in, and its not like he’s the leader of the team. He is a wide receiver, by the nature of his position he is a complimentary player.

I think that if Calvin Johnson had to be nicknamed for a Transformer, he should’ve been named Ultra Magnus (see right). Don’t know who he is? Well do listen on. First off, he is an Autobot, a good guy, which by all accounts Calvin Johnson is. Also, the Autobots were the gritty gutty underdogs a lot of the time to the Decepticons and their evil schemes. Always on the defense, never on the attack. See, UM was a city commander, not a supreme commander like Optimus Prime or something, so he wasn’t the man in charge, just one of the team leaders. A complimentary role. He also was a car carrier when he transformed. He could literally carry his team on his back if need be, much like CJ can do now. Also, when he did kick it into gear, he was one of the most devastating Autobots out there. Plus Ultra Magnus is just a damn cool name. If I ever have a son, you’d better believe that boy is going to be named Ultra Magnus. Magnus Ver Magnusson can suck it!

Houston at INDIANAPOLIS -9

Really not sure what is going to happen here, I think the loss of Owen Daniels is really going to hurt the Texans’ offense more than a lot of people think. Without O.D. and with Ryan Moats starting at RB for them, I just think the Colts’ defense can key in on Andre Johnson and keep shutting down Kevin Walter like so many teams have before them. I mean, Moats had himself a heck of a game last week, but there is a reason that no one in fantasy football had even considered picking Ryan Moats off the waiver wire at any point in his professional football career…he’s Ryan Fucking Moats. Moats! Even his name sounds like he is running through sludge. Take the Colts.

GREEN BAY -9.5 at Tampa Bay

This one, in theory, should be a cakewalk for the Pack. The Bucs are horrible, just horrible and the Packers have proven that when Aaron Rogers has time to throw, he’s damn near unstoppable. Don’t even think about taking the Bucs here. Its Packers all the way.

Miami at New England -10.5

Miami is not going to be able to catch up to New England once they take the lead and begin pressing down on the neck of the Dolphins…wait do Dolphins even have necks? Maybe they’ll just be pushing down on the blow hole or some shit. Anyway, the Patriots are feeling the flow right now, Brady and Moss and WELLLKAHH yadda yadda you know what is gonna happen here. Pats win, boring. You take the Pats to win, you win, exciting. Exciting is good. Do it.

Carolina at NEW ORLEANS -13

If any game has the smell of “Letdown Game” all over it, it is this one, yet I am still picking the Saints. The reason is that once Carolina gets behind, they are going to have to throw. When Carolina throws, Darren Sharper is going to be intercepting balls from Jake Delhomme to the tune of at least 10 times in this game, with 6 of them being returned for touchdowns. A little bit of exaggeration to prove the point. Carolina’s run game will not be able to carry them in this one. Book it. Ship it. Saints cover, take em.

Tennessee at SAN FRANCISCO -4

I love the 49ers this season. They play in some entertaining games and even though they’ve lost their last 3 games, they are a fun and firey team to watch, especially with Alex Smith finally playing up to his potential (well, somewhat, he was a #1 pick so he’s got a ways to go). I think this one San Fran wins. We all know the Titans are a bad football team and even though they dismantled the Jags last week, they will show their spots in this one. The Vince Young comeback trail will hit a gigantic pothole against the 49ers defense and the wheels should come off. San Fran should come away winning this one by a TD easy.

SAN DIEGO +4.5 at New York Giants

The Giants are a hurt team. Ever since Eli has battled his foot injury he has been less than effective at the helm of the Giants offense, and that was after one brilliant start to the season. Not to mention the health of their secondary with Aaron Ross probably out again. Meanwhile the Chargers have won 2 in a row but really haven’t beat anyone good this year. This is their chance…which of course means Norv will fuck it up somehow. Regardless, I’m all over the Chargers in this one.

Speaking of NYC though, what the hell is up with the massive all media orgy over the NY Giants winning the World Series? I know New Yorkers think their city is the center of the universe and pretty much the center of the news media universe, but Christ on a stick, if I have to hear “All is right in the universe now” or “The world is right again” or “The trophy is back where it belongs” from another mouth breathing or “I am not emo anymore because being a hipster is much cooler” New Yorker I might actually have to slap a bitch. The trophy belongs with whomever won that year asshats. You never hear Steelers’ fans say “All is right in the universe now, the Lombardi trophy is back where it belongs” when they win yet another Super Bowl? You dont hear it when the Red Wings dominate yet another Stanley Cup? No, so shut the fuck up and enjoy your moment in somewhat of a classy manner. You remember how you hated all the wannabe Red Sox fanboy assholes with their pink hats and popped collars suddenly thinking their shit didn’t stink because they were fans of a team that won a couple World Series? Remember that? Well learn from it for once. You’ve won 2 World Series in 9 years, congrats…that is a .222 average. Whoop-de-fuckin-doo. That is better than some, not as good as others. Also, you live in a city where you cannot see the sun. YOU CANNOT SEE THE SUN AND YOUR STREETS STINK LIKE YESTERDAY’S GARBAGE. Enjoy your parade fucksticks and I hate you all.

Dallas at Philadelphia UNDER 48

Philadelphia’s offense thrives off of the big play, as does Dallas’ offense. Miles Austin’s whole career has been based off the big play so far. So guess what? I dont think any big plays are gonna happen here this week. I’m going out on a limb on this one and I’m gonna say both of their defenses are actually playing better than both of their offenses right now and I think that this one actually could be quite a defensive struggle. Will it happen? Probably not with my track record on over/unders, but I am gonna give it a shot anyway. Go under!

PITTSBURGH -3 at Denver

The Steelers are back…well Polamalu is back, which means the STEELERS ARE BACK. Denver lost for the first time last week and they will lose this one as well because while they will pressure Big Ben and sack him a couple times, they will also get gashed when they blitz and fail. The sacks will not balance out the times they get beat. Also, the Broncos’ dink and dunk offense will not be able to get any momentum against the vaunted Steelers defense, preventing the surprising Broncos D from getting off the field enough to be competitive late in the game. Steelers win this and cover, take em.

UPSET SPECIAL OF THE WEEK

ARIZONA +3 at Chicago

Two weeks ago the Cardinals went out to the east coast and shocked the world by beating the Giants. Well, ok they didnt shock me, I picked that game right dammit. Trust me when I say that I am also picking this one right. The Cards lost in a bad way to the Panthers last week as their running game tore up the Cardinals defense…luckily the Bears are struggling a bit in their running game this season. As a matter of fact, the Bears are struggling in all facets of their game right now and that is why I am liking the Cardinals to win this one. The Bears defense will struggle to stop the high flying Cards offense from scoring, even if Boldin is out for the game. If Arizona can get any pressure on Cutler, he will throw an INT or two. If you were brave, you’d take the ML, but since its only +125, you should take the points.

LOCK OF THE WEEK

Washington at ATLANTA -10

Normally a bye week should help a team. I do not think it has helped the Redskins too much to have 2 weeks to sit around and think about the abortion of a season they are having right now. This season is going so bad, Dan Snyder, he of the Dark Heart, even showed himself in public and sort of apologized to his fans…sorta. Players dont know what is going on. Coaches dont know what is going on and are blaming the players. Players are blaming themselves and the front office. The front office doesn’t know what is going on and is blaming the coaches. The fans certainly dont know what is going on but they do know there are people to blame and it starts at the top at the owner. Total disarray here in Washington DC…which leads me to this double negative. There is no way the Redskins don’t get blown out this week by the Falcons. No. Way. In. Hell. The season has been a bad one, but the one thing missing so far is a dominating blow out by an opponent and I think it happens this week. This is the week it goes from embarrassing to just sad. A cloud of no hope will fall on the city (if it weren’t there already) and it is a LOCK that this week Atlanta covers 10 points and makes the city of Washington sick to their stomachs watching this poor excuse of a football team.

*Deuce of Davenport is only doing this column for entertainment purposes only, you’d be a fool to actually follow any of this advice and/or these picks. We accept no responsibility for anyone actually gambling with these picks.

Good day people! Lets recap last week shall we? Ok, if you followed all my picks we went 7-5-1, not a bad week at all. The Upset Special was a Loss and the Lock was a win. On the year, we’re at 52-48-1, 4-3 on Locks of the Week and 2-5 on Upset Specials. We’re not doing great, but we are in good position halfway through the season to get you a lot of money. SO LETS WIN BABY! This week, I am picking fast b/c i just got like 3 new Xbox 360 games and they rule my life right now. On to the picks. As always, all lines are from TheGreek. Hot cheerleader is Carolyn from the Carolina Panthers. Scroll to the bottom if you want to skip to the Upset Special and the Lock of the Week.*

Denver at Baltimore OVER 41.5

This one is a tough game to pick the winner of. On the one hand, Denver is undefeated, on the other hand Baltimore is probably a more talented team. Compounding the issue is that both teams are coming off a bye week, giving them 2 weeks to prepare for this game. What to do? Pick the over! Baltimore’s defense has been thrown on all year and Baltimore’s passing game is the most dynamic part of their offense, even with 2 weeks for each team’s defense to prepare for this game, it is going to be a high scoring affair. Play it safe and take the over.

Cleveland at CHICAGO -13.5

This game shouldn’t really even be a contest. The Bears are by no means a great team, but the Browns are such a horrible team, even an average squad like the Bears will dominate them. With Tommy Harris coming back to the Bears defensive line, the one chance that Jamal Lewis had to find room to run has disappeared. Don’t look for the Bears to overlook this game either after last week’s evisceration by the Packers. This game will be like a Big 10 team scheduling a D-1-AA squad for homecoming. No contest. Take the Bears, don’t think about it too much.

HOUSTON -3.5 at Buffalo

This spread could be -9 and I would’t be shocked at all. Let me put this as clearly as I can…the Bills will not even come close to winning this game. Even Houston’s sieve-like defense will contain the well-educated Bills quarterback Ryan Fitzpatrick. Take the Texans, watch the flood of points wash away your money woes.

SAN FRANCISCO +12 at Indianapolis

Maybe i’m giving Mike Singletary a little too much credit here, but I just cannot see how they get blown out against Indianapolis even in Indy. As great as the Colts have looked this year, they really haven’t played a team yet with a great defense except for Miami…and that game was decided by 4 points. In the 49ers two road games this year, they have lost by a total of 6 points (they lost by 3 each game). I have a pretty decent blowout sensor and it is not tingling right now. Take the 49ers.

MIAMI +3.5 at New York Jets

These teams last faced each other just 3 weeks ago, scoring 58 points total with the Dolphins winning by 4 points. In that game, at Miami, the Jets were favored by 3 points and the O/U was 36. Oh, how things change, well not by much. In this game at the Meadowlands the Jets are favored now by 3.5 and the O/U has been bumped up a bit to 40.5. So last time they played, the underdog covered and the Over won…and if the current lines were used on that game, the same thing would’ve happened. I’m not going to screw with this extremely limited statistical historical analysis (if you can call it that) and I am taking the Dolphins. If you wanted to go nuts and do a correlated parlay, I would take the Over. Why not. If you dont learn from history…ah I forget.

ST. LOUIS +4 at Detroit

This will happen. They might even get off the schneid and win the damn thing. I mean, who is going to start at QB for Detroit? Stafford’s knee is all jacked up, Culpepper has a gimpy hammy and Drew Stanton is out indefinitely with a knee injury. Add to that Calvin “Megatron” Johnson’s own knee injury and I smell an offense that can be stopped even by the Ram’s sorry ass defense. I hope, sincerely hope, that Steven Jackson has a big day. That guy deserves at least one win. Take the Rams.

Seattle at DALLAS -9.5

Yea, last week’s game probably was a fluke for the Cowboys, but Seattle’s defense is a joke…unless you’re Jacksonville, then the joke is on them I guess. I expect another solid showing from the Romo to Austin connection and the running backs should run wild over the Seahawks. Also, Dallas’ D has actually been playing well as of late and should be able to bottle up the one dimensional Seattle offense. Take the Cowboys in this event.

New York Giants at PHILADELPHIA +1

A home dog? You serious?? In the NFC East??? Can I keep going with these questions???? Are you annoyed yet????? Well think of how annoyed Eagles fans are with Andy Reid, Donovan McNabb, Michael Vick and Brian Westbrook. Reid won’t call a run, McNabb has become the bounce pass king, which is great for basketball but not football, Vick has lost not just a step, but it appears as if he’s lost a foot out there with the speed he’s moving at, and Westbrook cannot finish a game…and he barely starts any anyway. So why am I picking them? Because their D will win this game for them. Also, Eli is hurt and Bradshaw is hurt. The Eagles play D so aggressively they will force a couple turnovers out of those guys. Throw in a little special teams magic and the Eagles win this home game by a touchdown. Pick the Eagles.

Minnesota at Green Bay UNDER 47

I’ve gone back and forth on this game and I can make a case for both teams winning. So that means I am going with the O/U for you to bet on. The over/under has gone from 48.5 to 47 very fast this week, despite around 3/4th of the action on the over. This, to me, means sharps are all over the under….and so am I. Take the under.

Carolina at Arizona UNDER 41

I see this game being like a 27-9 type affair where the Panthers get close and end up kicking field goals and going for it and failing on 4th down a lot, while the Cards score a few easy touchdowns on long drives as they rack up the yardage against the Panthers’ weak D. With the pick-6 machine Delhomme at QB though, anything could happen though. I am hoping the Cardinals just intercept the ball and they don’t run it back for any scores. That’d blow it all up for you and me. Take the Under.

ATLANTA +10 at New Orleans

Its Monday night, isnt there a law that these games should be close? The Saints are devastating on offense and pestering on defense but after the Falcons’ blow out defeat last week, I can see them making a game of it in prime time.

UPSET SPECIAL OF THE WEEK

OAKLAND +1050 at San Diego

Ok, we all know this won’t happen. But won’t it be fun to root for it to happen? Its not like you really want to take SD at -16.5 and its not like you want to take all those points and bet on the Raiders…even the over/under is 50/50 here. This is the only sensible thing to do. I mean if you hit this game, you will win a lot of money…like a lot. A simple $100 bet will get you $1,050 back. I mean, you gotta at least try it! Its not like 1) Oakland hasn’t beaten a decent team, they have when they beat the Eagles and its not like 2) You can trust Norv Turner. I can see the Chargers flubbing this one. It can happen. If it does, you can take advantage. BIG TIME. This is why this is the UPSET SPECIAL OF THE WEEK

LOCK OF THE WEEK

JACKSONVILLE +3 at Tennessee

So the Titans are starting Vince Young at QB for this game. Jacksonville wins. Its that easy, really. If you really wanted to get cocky you’d just take the Jaguars ML at +145. That’s not big enough odds for me so just take the points and enjoy the easy win. It is the LOCK OF THE WEEK.

*Deuce of Davenport is only doing this column for entertainment purposes only, you’d be a fool to actually follow any of this advice and/or these picks. We accept no responsibility for anyone actually gambling with these picks.

Wow, ok so last week was my first truly awful week. I finished up a bloody 6-8 last week, losing both my lock and upset picks of the week. Just miserable. For the season, this puts me at 45-43 overall, 3-3 on Locks of the Week and 2-4 on Upsets of the Week. I either need to get a whole lot better at this or a whole lot more interesting as a writer to keep you reading this so this week, I will try to do both. Let me first load up on some booze. Ok done. On to the picks, as a warning, these picks are not for the feint of heart, so many road teams being picked this week it is SICK. As always, all lines are from TheGreek. Hot cheerleader is Asia from the New England Patriots. Scroll to the bottom if you want to skip to the Upset Special and the Lock of the Week.*

SAN DIEGO -4.5 at Kansas City

Do i trust Norv Turner to win this game? No. If they do win, do I trust Norv to win by 5 points. No again. Do you know what I trust even less? If you guessed Kansas City’s defense, then you would be correct. Despite having Norv and a suspect defense (and special teams if you look at what happened last week, sheesh), the Chargers’ offense should be good enough to win this game by a touchdown over the Chiefs’ horrendous defense and substandard offense. If you trust me, take the Chargers and don’t look back…don’t ever look back. TAKING THE CHARGERS IS MY ELECTRIC JOLT TO YOUR BANK ACCOUNT PICK OF THE WEEK!

Minnesota at PITTSBURGH -5.5

The Vikings’ run will end in Pittsburgh. Minnesota was exposed last week against the Ravens in the second half as a team that can be thrown on and throwing is something that the Steelers do very very well. Big Ben had yet another 400 yard game last week and he might do it again this week as the Vikings’ corners are suspect and they are not getting much of a pass rush at all. Brett Favre and AP might actually be contained for most of the day, especially if they are down Percy Harvin as the rookie has been a vital cog in their offense thus far this year. Throw in the fact that Polamalu has a chance to play and you got yourself a Pittsburgh win right here. Betting the Steelers is my IRON CITY IRON CLAD LOCK OF THE WEEK!!

SAN FRANCISCO +3 at Houston

The 49ers are coming off a bye and getting their #1 running back back in the saddle. These are good things for the young 49ers. Houston has been the most schizophrenic team in football. They have yet to win 2 games in a row, following every win with a loss. Guess what, last week they won. I’m playing the trends here and taking the 49ers. With Houston’s horrible D allowing Shaun Hill to dink and dunk all over the field when Gore isnt gashing them for yardage, this is as certain a pick as I’ve had all year. Take the 49ers, because if Mike Singletary and Gary Kubiak got into a fight, you’d better believe that I’ll take Singletary. As a matter of fact, next week, i might just pick the head coaches I would think would win in a fight for all my picks. Write that one down, that is a good idea.

GREEN BAY -9 at Cleveland

As of the time I am writing this, my sources tell me pretty much the entire city of Cleveland has the swine flu. This doesn’t bode well for Green Bay next week, but this week they should be golden. If the Pack doesn’t cover this spread look up in the sky because PIGS WILL BE FUCKING FLYING! This is my VACCINATION pick of the week. You will be SICK to your STOMACH and PUKING your GUTS out if you do NOT get in on this!

New Orleans at MIAMI +6.5

Sure New Orleans has this high flying offense that cannot be stopped. Miami will not stop them, but that whacky Wildcat offense sure is going to keep the score close. That is all I am betting on here. Well that and I am a big believer in taking a home dog that is coming off a bye week. There is an advantage there and you should take advantage of it. Also of note, depending on the site, somewhere between 77-95% of the action is on the Saints here…and the line hasn’t moved. Some heavy hitters must like Miami on this one, you should see this and use it to your advantage. This is my SEX PANTHER pick of the week, if you see a little advantage, you might as well use it.

CHICAGO +1 at Cincinnati

The real question is, which Bengals team will show up to this game? The team that beat Green Bay, Pittsburgh and Baltimore or the team that lost to Houston. We wont count the Denver game because they, by all rights, should’ve won that game. The Bengals are 1-2 at home so far and this won’t be an easy test for them at all. Cutler should be secure now with his new contract, but will he go crazy and throw a bunch of INTs to lose this game for his team? Will Forte finally run like he did last year? Who knows. So many questions. In this game, I am just going with the better D and taking the Bears. If defense is good enough to win championships, it is good enough to win midseason games in Week 7.

New York Jets at OAKLAND +6.5

I’m not saying the Raiders are going to win this game…I’m just saying that they have a chance. Sanchez will not have an easy time throwing against this defense so you have to think it will be a running party yet again for the Jets’ rushers. The Jets’ defense should be able to confuse, harass, and dominate the Raiders hapless offense. This game is going to be decided by field goals and not touchdowns. I’d take the under if it werent 35, but it isnt so take the points.

Buffalo at Carolina UNDER 37

Now this game, I am willing to go under. You’re going to have Ryan Fitzpatrick vs Jake Delhomme here which means lots of runs eating away at the clock without points going up. Both running games are miserable right now as well, so that’l be a lotta running without going anywhere.

New England at TAMPA BAY +14.5

There is no home team in England, although I hope the crowd isnt going to be rooting for a symbol of something that killed a shit ton of them. Because American patriots should never be welcome in England we must root for the gay pirates…i mean Buccaneers. Right. I am just hoping the travel keeps this one somewhat close. We’ll see. This is my YOU SAY YOU WANT AN UPSET…errr…REVOLUTION pick. Wait that was sung by a bunch of Brits…whatever, take the Bucs.

ARIZONA +7 at New York

Last week the Giants took a beat down that opened my eyes to something…the fact that they can actually be beat. Arizona, on the other hand, looked pretty solid last week. With the Giant’s secondary in shambles I have to think that the Cardinals’ passing game is going to be just fine this week. I might even be inclined to take the Cardinals money line if it paid well enough. Take the cards in this one. When you win, you will shout “THANK YOU JEEEEEESUS!” like my main man Kurt did lo’ these many years ago.

PHILADELPHIA -7 at Washington

One team is having a guy who has been out of football for five years and on the team for two weeks calling plays…and one team doesnt. How this spread isnt 14 points is a testament to how decent the Redskins D has been playing this year. Nevertheless, no matter what the spread, I cannot pick the Redskins. God, it sucks to be a Redskins’ fan this year…take the Eagles.

UPSET SPECIAL OF THE WEEK

ATLANTA +3.5 at Dallas

Ok, this one I just don’t get. Dallas is not a good team at all. Atlanta, on the other hand, is. Dallas hasn’t even won in their brand new stadium, so i cannot think the home field advantage is all that great here. Not going to look a gift horse in the mouth here, just going to take Atlanta and not ask any questions. This is my STICK A CARROT UP MY ASS AND CALL ME MR. ED DON’T LOOK A GIFT HORSE IN THE MOUTH pick of the week…also the Upset Special.

LOCK OF THE WEEK

INDIANAPOLIS -13 at St. Louis

The Colts are going to beat the Rams by 30 easily in this game. They’d have stiffer competition if they were playing Florida right now, even after the beheading of Tebow. The Rams have Steven Jackson and that is it. That poor poor man. If anyone in the Rams’ front office has any soul left from their Super Bowl wins they would trade him while he still has some run left in his legs. I feel bad for him…especially if Bob Sanders is playing this week. Pray for Steven Jackson. Pick the Colts. When in St. Louis, if its cold outside, make sure that you check out The Royale which has a friggin terrific burger as well as plenty of awesomely creative booze and a fire pit. NOTHING goes together better than fire and booze…ok throw some sex and bacon in there and you might actually achieve nirvana. Just try not to mind the hipsters too much…ugh.

*Deuce of Davenport is only doing this column for entertainment purposes only, you’d be a fool to actually follow any of this advice and/or these picks. We accept no responsibility for anyone actually gambling with these picks.