Could be fake for sure. It at least sounds fake. I’m saying its probably fake. Its pretty loud, right into a mic and is a typical fake juicy fart sound, but you can watch for yourself and see Tiger Woods and his caddy, Steve Williams, laugh right when the fart sound happens. Nothin but the best for the Deuce.

Yes, this guy is promoting a beverage that is supposed to be associated with fitness. John Daly’s PGA Tour suspension will end in a week and he’s already got a sponsor for his grand return to the tour. All Sport sports drink has signed on to sponsor big John in his latest comeback.

“We are very excited to team up with John Daly,” said Jack Pok, Senior Vice President of Marketing for Big Red, Inc. “John’s long list of achievements throughout his career and his recent success in Europe has proven he is committed to his fans. His performance on the golf course is a perfect fit for both All Sport and Big Red brands.”

Wow, what are his long lists of achievements they are speaking of? The fact that his liver is still ticking despite rampant alcoholism? The achievement of not having both his knees broken due to his degenerate gambling? Most mortal men could not have lived through either more than likely, so yes, they are impressive.

In all seriousness though, the guy has won 2 majors in his career, the last being over a decade ago. and has a total of 5 wins on the tour in his career, the last being 5 years ago. I’m not even sure what recent success in Europe they’re talking about, the last tournament he won there was in 2001. Oh wait, he finished 2nd in some random tournament in Italy. Right. Those accomplishments are greater than, say, anything I’ve done on the golf course, but in the golfing world…um, washed up much?

I guess he will need a those energy drinks to rehydrate after downing all the cigarettes and diet cokes he kills during tournaments. I mean, they take a toll on a guy.

From a press release

With all the MLB, Golf, Tour De France, WWE steroids talk you’d think that eventually we’d just do what Saturday Night Live predicted many many years ago and just have the “All Drug Olympics”. Where are my steroid games??? I wanna see a guy get his arms ripped off like in this classic, hilarious Phil Hartman and Kevin Neelon sketch

Tiger Woods is bringing golf back to our nation’s capital. The PGA and Tiger Woods’ Foundation are currently in negotiations to bring golf back to the Washington DC area for the first time since…well, last year.

Currently, negotiations are ongoing with Congressional Country Club in Maryland, home of the 2011 US Open, to host the tournament. We here at the Deuce think Tiger needs to kill those talks and holla at Mayor Adrian Fenty. The event needs to be held inside DC at lovely East Potomac Park…otherwise known as Hains Point or the place where former Mayor, DC Councilman Marion “Mayor for Life” Barry, was once arrested for drug possession (no, not “Bitch set me up”, this is a different arrest).

Built on a landfill, Hains Point is a peninsula on the south side of the environmentally savaged Tidal Basin that also happens to have a public golf course. It is more generally known as a popular nighttime hangout point for drug dealers and hooker hoes.

The Deuce feels that it is only right and just for Tiger and the rest of the field to play on a golf course in the nation’s capital and not in Maryland. Not to mention in an area that represents what Washington DC is all about: filth, politics, drugs and prostitutes!

If the tournament should land in DC and not in Maryland, we suggest this trophy as a representation of excellence in the nation’s capital. After all as they say, once you go black…

The Mayor’s Cup, in honor of Hizzonor, Mayor for Life, Marion Barry.

Tiger Tiger Woods y’all.

Aquí hay gato encerrado. You’re damn right I do. The PGA is holding their first event in Mexico this weekend. No major stars are expected to appear but the course does boast a unique feature called The Devil’s Mouth.

The “mouth” actually is the opening to an underground, cave-like passageway that comes out behind the second hole.

Known as a “cenote,” it’s the first of many natural delights found on El Camaleon, the Greg Norman-designed venue for this slice of PGA Tour history, the Mayakoba Golf Classic, which opens Thursday.

“It gives character right away,” Norman said. “It’s an opening statement: ‘Here it is!”‘

Norman’s opening statement ranks up there with JFK’s inaugural speech, MLK’s “I Have A Dream”, Rocky Balboa’s “If I Can Change, You Can Change” and Three 6 Mafia’s Oscar acceptance speech.

Me thinks this is a devious plot conjured up by the PGA with the help of coyotes to train and import more help to keep American fairways green. There’s no way they want Mexicans to take over the tour. Who knows how Fuzzy Zoeller will react when El Gordo wins the Masters. I assure you it won’t be bonito.