You know all is well with the Cowboys when former players are laughing at the organization for paying them. Former Cowboy Marcellus Wiley mocked owner Jerry Jones for paying him straight cash when he had no business getting it.

Wiley listed a handful of big-name acquisitions [on NFL Live] that were busts for Jerry, including Pacman Jones, Tank Johnson, Eddie George … and himself.

“I didn’t have anything left in the tank,” Wiley said, “and he gave me a lot of money.”

Trey Wingo chimed in with a “Cha-ching!” at this point.

That’s how Morningside Heights do! If that wasn’t bad enough, Drew Rosenhaus is popping off at the mouth and shitting all over Pacman Jones to build up T.O. before he starts crying. If you guys do that, it’s unfair. Nothing to see here. Move along. Just another off-season at Valley Ranch.

Did you know that if you’re an empire, you create your own reality when you act? That’s a little nugget from the Bush administration courtesy of The One Percent Doctrine. Jim Fassel’s taken that to heart and decided to do the reverse and create an empire by creating his own reality on talk radio.

Fassel spoke to Mike and the Mad Dog on WFAN and explained why he’s been unable to get a head coaching job.

“My biggest mistake was going to Baltimore,” Fassel said. “That was the biggest mistake. I don’t think I needed to do that and when I went there and it was such a mess and got caught up in all that stuff…”

Now keep in mind the Ravens ended the season 13-3 and were 4-2 at the point he was fired by his BFF in 2006. Yes, the Ravens got much better when he left.

“I can’t tell you how many people have told me if you’d have just stayed out and done TV and radio and that stuff, it would have changed the whole perception of you,” Fassel said.

That’s it. The perception of Fassel had nothing to do with his relentless pursuit of a head coaching job during the season when he should have been focused on his job. It also had nothing to do with his lazy reputation among players and the front office.

Fassel’s so good that Dan Snyder let him put together a coaching staff … and then hired a guy who along with everyone else couldn’t believe he got the job.

Fassel was supposed to be a slam dunk for the job once Giants defensive coordinator Steve Spagnuolo returned to New York last week. After all, he helped put together the team’s staff — including the choice of Zorn as offensive coordinator — and, according to Fassel, he had started to talk about a contract.

“I wasn’t looking for just anything,” Fassel, head coach of the Giants from 1997-2003, said Saturday night. “I was looking for the right fit, and I thought this was the right fit because I knew Dan (owner Dan Snyder). It’s a long, twisted story.”

If Fassel “knew Dan”, he should have known what he needed to do to get the job. Why do you think Vinny Cerrato gets stronger while the rest fall off like Paperboy?

Looks like Paul Bremer finally has a soulmate. Crown his ass!

Dateline N9ne Steakouse (Palms), Las Vegas – Tom Brady is having dinner with Gisele when he looks up and sees Randy Moss at a table across the way, wearing a bib and throwing down on lobster. He walks over to say hello.

Tom: “Randy! What’s up man? What are you doing out here? Shouldn’t you be studying the playbook? Hahaha!”

Randy says nothing and continues to gulp lobster tails like a crocodile on a baby zebra.

Tom: “Dude, it’s me! Tom. Tom Brady. Your quarterback?”

Randy looks up, says nothing and continues to slurp the lobster tails like a Thai boy on Gary Glitter.

Tom: “Hey it’s really good to see you. We need to do more bonding and get right so when the season starts, we can get off to a good start and Coach won’t beat me stupid like Ted Johnson while yelling ‘Grogan!’ and ‘Eason!’ and slobbering on his sweatshirt. That’s a good idea, right?”

Randy looks up, shrugs, says nothing and starts shoving crab cakes in his mouth two at a time.

Tom: “Awesome. That’s really awesome. Hey … where’d you get the seafood? This is a steakhouse. I didn’t know you could get that here. How’d you get it?”

Randy looks up, points out the window and polishes off the crab cakes and cleans the plate with his tongue like a zamboni.

Tom (waving Gisele to come over): “Hey, I want you to meet my girl. The one I didn’t knock up. Sweet! This is Gisele. Gisele, this is Randy. We’re going to play together this year.”

Gisele: “Hi Randy. I heard a lot about you. I like playing too. Yay cookies!! I want pao de queijo!”

Tom: “Yeah she’s really awesome. Smokin’ too.”

A manager comes over and asks if Tom and Randy will pose for a picture together. After a pause and a sigh, Randy slowly rises and stands next to Tom. Gisele jumps in between them and puts her arms around both of them.

Tom: “Hey man, lemme pick up your meal. It’s the least I can do to welcome you to the team.”

Gisele: “Randy, I hear you like taking your pants off in front of crowds. I do too! We’re going to be super awesome friends in no time!”

As they pose for the picture, Randy puts the calamari down and stealthily moves his hand to Gisele’s ass as a waiter takes their picture. A smile creeps across his face. He really thinks he’s going to like New England.