Tuesday, May 17th, 2011 at
Let’s be clear from the jump. Riding Paris Hilton doesn’t usually result in wins unless we’re talking about a winning case of the herp. Fortunately breast man Maverick Vinales was riding a motorcycle for Hilton’s motorcross team and not the team owner. Fox Sports didn’t waste any time coming up with a line that sums up everything about her involvement with the team.
Don’t forget to check the “My Rivals Are Pussies: Rossi” story also listed under “Most Popular Motorsports stories”. Good thing Joe Buck doesn’t work for Fox Sports Australia. He’d have an aneurysm after reading those stories. Wait. Someone get him a transfer down under or call Artie Lange to read these stories to him over the phone. That should do it.
And yes, Vinales was named after Tom Cruise’s character from Top Gun so guess that makes Sergio Gadea “Goose”. Nice knowing you, Sergio.
Friday, June 12th, 2009 at
If you spend money on something, you expect to get exactly what you paid for. Anything extra is a bonus. This is a post about a bonus Real Madrid doesn’t need or want. The thought of Cristiano Ronaldo hooking up with Paris Hilton should send the Real hierarchy into panic mode. It’s unlikely the club counted on getting a case of the herp along with the opportunity to negotiate terms with the FIFA Player of the year when they paid $130 million to Manchester United.
TMZ reports that Ronaldo met the queen of chickenheads up in the club and ended up accompanying her to her sister Nicky’s house. That physical better include a trip to the free clinic. The idea of him playing at his best during an outbreak is laughable. He whines and dives when he’s healthy so one can only imagine how he’d act when “under the weather”. He’s no Mike Tyson. The former champ won a title belt while ignoring a case of gonarrhea. That’s just wanting to be the best. Ronaldo and his agent might want to consider including a supply of Valtrex when negotiating his $500,000 a week salary.
Friday, July 18th, 2008 at
If you want to know what reparations can do, just follow Cristian Ronaldo. Slave du jour Ronaldo is a man about town. He keeps his pimp limp strong even when he’s on crutches. He may an idiot and douchebag when it comes to handling his transfer to Real Madrid but even he’s smart enough to avoid the walking STD that is Paris Hilton.
Ronaldo was accosted by Hilton at Villa on Wednesday night. He recently broke up with Nereida Gallardo whose pictures you couldn’t have avoided if you tried over the past month. Lady Herpes made for him like Don Vito on an underage girl.
A source said: ‘Paris was all over him. The moment he arrived, she went over to his private table.
‘At one point, she pushed her chest together and made a point of trying to snuggle up against him.
‘But Ronaldo clearly wasn’t interested in Paris. He turned his back on her.’
What’s your sign? Stop sign, muthafucka! I’m not sure what the soccer equivalent of the Heisman is called but this has to be it. He probably saw the flies hovering around her nether regions and recoiled in horror.
Maybe he’s smarter than he lets on. Getting with Paris would definitely drop his transfer value. Who knows how many weeks he would spend out of action thanks to an STD cocktail that rivals a komodo dragon’s saliva? Too bad Eric Djemba Djemba wasn’t around to clean up the mess. He could use the money.