Orlando Brown Archives

Orlando Brown Wants His Ex-Wife To Dial His Fart

Wednesday, September 9th, 2009 at 7:34 am  
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Hold me closer, Tiny Dancer!
The Deuce finds Orlando Brown’s lack of creativity disturbing. How dare he attempt to mimic Deuce patron saint Najeh Davenport? There’s only one Deuce and he’s a model in Pittsburgh. You wanna make some magic? Do something original. Breaking in a residence and dropping a deuce is played out like Kwame and the fucking polka dots. Who rock the spot? Biggie!

Former Brown and Raven Brown was arrested for breaking into his ex-wife’s foreclosed house and trashing it.

According to court documents, Mira Brown accused her former husband of entering her home while she was away on vacation. The two have been divorced since 2004.

While she was on vacation July 21 through Aug. 28, someone broke the front storm door, entered her home, tore down the basement curtains, defecated in a basement toilet and ransacked her closet, according to court documents.

She also received two text messages from Orlando Brown’s phone before she returned, one of which stated that he had toured her house, the records say.

Deuce fail. If you’re going to break into someone’s place and drop a deuce, make it count. Najeh thinks the closet is a fine place to start. If you choose to be classy and drop one in the vicinity of a toilet, make it an upper decker. Make a Jackson Pollock in a room of your choosing. Perhaps one with carpet and plenty of upholstery. The possibilities are endless. Maybe we’re being too hard on Orlando. It’s bad enough being named after Orlando Jones. Combine that with getting an angry pirate from Jeff Triplette and it’s easy to see how a washed up OT might lose his mind.

Ex NFL’er Orlando Brown Dreams Big

Thursday, June 12th, 2008 at 4:15 am  
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Some people when they retire have dreams of being a movie star, a television analyst, a musician, or even the writer of the world’s next great novel. Not Orlando Brown, he dreams bigger…and fatter. Orlando Brown is bringing the Washington DC/Baltimore area their first Fatburger franchises, 10 of them to be exact.

For those of you who haven’t been out to the West Coast, Fatburger specializes in fresh, juicy, not fast food big ass burgers that are, for comparison sake, a step up from the utterly delicious In-And-Out burgers and will provide a bit of competition from the area’s own Five Guys franchises.

Brown may be blind as a bat in one eye for all we know, you might remember him as the guy that was hit in the eye by an official’s weighted flag and had his career ruined because of it, but the man can spot a tasty ass burger and has a dream.

“When I was hurt, I kept saying ‘When I’m done with football I’m going to need something to take that place,’” said Brown, who said he became a fan of the chain during his recuperation.

“I can afford [to get by] with the lawsuit money,” he said, “but I want to work and get my hands dirty.”

The idea of someday owning the entire chain or at least being a major player in the operations is also on Brown’s list of goals. He said he hoped to turn his South Carolina farm into a cattle ranch and Fatburger’s primary beef vendor. But for now, he said he is excited about making his mark with his first restaurant.

“At my place, the customer is always right,” Brown said. “Even if they throw the burger at you [because they don’t like it], you just go back there and cook them another one.”

Apparently that void has been filled by attempting to become a burger franchise magnate. I’m kind of excited to have a Fatburger here in the area, although truth be told, I’d rather have an In-And-Out or White Castle here. Hell, I’d even take a Sonic. While I dig the Five Guys burger, it is nice to have the variety.

The first location of his chain of burger joints is going to be in Columbia, MD and Brown has his eyes in Washington, D.C., next to Howard University Medical Center and College Park, MD near the new IKEA shopping complex with other restaurants to open in Baltimore and elsewhere in the DC/MD area.

Dream big fat man, dream big.

From Maryland Daily Record

Photo Credit: Eric Stocklin