Stupid old hags. You old Chinese women have some nerve. Protesting about abuses and corruption. Don’t they know the Olympics are happening? Don’t they know all is well and there’s nothing to see in China besides the glory of the Middle Kingdom? Don’t you know your home was sacrificed for the betterment of the country? Can’t you see NBC is filming an infomercial about all the wonderful things China has to offer? Re-education through labor will make you see how your request to protest would ruin everything. Sluts.

If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em. Words to live by if you’re International Olympic Committee (IOC) President Jacques Rogge.

Athletes can be expelled from the Beijing Games if they display Tibetan flags at Olympic venues including their rooms. Rogge said that participants are free to express their political views but would face “sanctions” if they engage in propaganda. Whatever, dude.

The IOC can’t define propaganda for the competitors so they won’t have any idea if they are engaging in propaganda. The Chinese would consider almost any political view not in line with theirs propaganda. Consider their response to Rogge’s request that they respect human rights.

Mr Rogge’s call for Beijing to abide by its promise to address human rights was given short shrift by Beijing, which bluntly told him to keep politics out of the Games.

How did we become China’s bitches? Of course they already have America’s monetary balls in a vice grip but it’s like the rest of the world has lost its sack. Somehow the Chinese have got other countries including the US thwarting protesters and doing their dirty work. Are the Olympics so important that countries who claim to stand for human rights, sponsors and athletes are willing to stand by and act as though nothing is going on when people are being repressed? Of course, the answer is yes.

Be honest with yourself. If you’re not participating in the Olympics or related to someone who is competing, the Games aren’t that important. Maybe they are if you’re from somewhere like the Central African Republic, Bangladesh or Zamunda. NBC and corporate sponsors may shove them down our throats and we may take it like champs but would you really miss them if they weren’t around? Besides a few great moments, do you remember anything about past games? Do you reminisce and talk about how you can’t wait until the next Winter or Summer Olympics? If you said yes, you’re lying. The only time Carl Lewis comes up these days is when you’re talking about this hotness or his acting chops (Foul language warning).

The Olympics do have some redeeming value but they don’t rise above all other considerations. It may have seemed like a wise political move but the idea that giving in to the Chinese government would make them respect human rights was and is absurd. They don’t roll like that.

Things will get worse (more annoying at the least) as we get closer to the opening ceremonies. The IOC and participating countries shouldn’t feign shock and surprise when things blow up in their faces. This crisis was foreseeable. Maybe we can burn some more doves (start at 4:50) during the opening ceremonies. It’ll be applicable this time.

The Chinese have already won the gold medal as far as we’re concerned. In what you ask? Oppression of course! No one beats Steven Seagal in the kitchen and no one beats the Chinese in beating down opposition.

The Chinese government has ordered a crackdown on ticket scalpers known as yellow bulls before the Olympics by threatening up to four years of “re-education through labor”. Take that, gulag.

“(Offenders involved in) the counterfeit, alteration, and illegal selling of tickets for major events can be detained according to (relevant) laws,” the [Beijing News] quoted the unnamed spokesman as saying.

“Those deemed to have seriously disturbed public order can be detained for re-education through labor,” the spokesman said.

The Chinese are willing to go to any end to ensure a perfect Olympic Games even if it means putting thousands in jail. Add the touts to the list of Tibetans, homeless and Three Gorges Dam blockers. Soon the group of people being crushed by the government will be picked as randomly as Stalin’s purges.

Add this to the decree that there will be no live broadcasts or telecasts from Tienanmen Square, constant surveillance during the Games and the fact that the US and other governments are going out of their way to say the Chinese actions are not related to the game and we have the makings of the best Olympics ever!

Then again, we could be making a big deal out of nothing. I’ve seen Hogan’s Heroes a bunch of times and that didn’t look so bad. I’m sure Chinese labor camps are just as cool as the Nazi POW camps. That Colonel Klink sure had a heart of gold.