It’s official. Chilean football has turned into a Simpsons gag. It’s probably too soon to reference Nordberg. The last thing we need is Fred Goldman on our ass for royalties. There’s no way I’m selling Chimp up the river for anything less than a night in the David Carradine Suite at the Bangkok Hilton.

Universidad de Chile striker Juan Manuel Olivera was knocked out cold during a match against O’Higgins** last week. Start at :38.

John Terry wasn’t impressed until he learned that Olivera was taken away by an ambulance that pulled a Homer Simpson and got into an accident with another vehicle. He regained consciousness on the way to the hospital but had to wait two hours for a replacement ambulance. At least the U de Chile team doctor had his back.

“It was a tragicomic situation,” team doctor Patrico Delgado told Radio Cooperativa.

It’s good to know Chilean replacement ambulances work on the same schedule as replacement Chinatown buses. They probably have the same homeless person/piss smell as Eastern buses. Hopefully Olivera got a 40 and some rest stop Burger Rey while he was swallowing his tongue and waiting for “help”.

Maybe OJ Simpson will wish he was better at stealing satellite signals. If he was, he might not be facing jail time like he … Who the hell are we kidding? It’s OJ. He’d do something eventually although he probably didn’t count on getting beat down by his daughter.

Now it looks like his time is finally up. After a contentious voir dire, an all-white jury was seated in his current case. He’s fucked.

The Washingon City Paper picked up on an interesting and tragically hilarious side note at the Sean Taylor funeral in Miami today. That is, that O.J. Simpson was in attendance.

Rose Rosetree proclaims to be able to read people’s aura just by looking at a picture of them. Recently, she took a look at maligned New England Patriots head coach Bill Belichick during his “apology” he made for video-taping the Jets sidelines. Here’s what she has to say:

Verbal integrity (at the throat chakra): Speaking, Belicheck scores 10 out of 10 for integrity. He’s clearly a warmhearted guy, larger than life, very enthusiastic and an expressive individual who can’t help letting his passions show.

Power integrity (at the solar plexus chakra): Well, here’s where the coach scores a 7 out of 10. What really stands out is the man’s craftiness. In contrast to his personality, where he seems hale and hearty, intellectually how the man can scheme! His thinking is highly analytical. Besides being an absolutely cunning problem solver, there’s a ruthlessness that must serve him well in his sport. Normally, he would be very careful not to cross the line into anything outright wrong, but watch him put his toe right up to that line.

Spiritual integrity (at the third eye chakra): No, this isn’t just about church attendance. Spiritual integrity is a really important component to read in a person. George W. Bush, for instance, has his very worst integrity score in this department, which is saying something (and I DID, long before he first began to occupy the White House). How does Belicheck connect to his personal source of inspiration? Give him another 10 out of 10. Think all the best qualities of big, bouncy puppy. The man doesn’t have a hypocritical bone in his body. No wonder he had the grace to mouth more than the current cliché “I accept responsibility” and use the big A word, “apologize.”

She claims to not know anything about football, nor who Belichick really is other than the Patriots head coach who made a statement that she read and is a bit of controversy, so take that for what its worth. I do like that she calls him a big bouncy puppy. I mean, that really is the first thing I think of when I see him on the sidelines looking like someone just took a dump on his hot new wife.

The telling part is that in the “Power Integrity” section she says he is an “absolutely cunning problem solver, there’s a ruthlessness that must serve him well” and “he would be very careful not to cross the line into anything outright wrong, but watch him put his toe right up to that line”. Maybe this aura thing is worth looking into.

If you’re interested in more, check out her site, she does OJ Simpson as well.

From Rose Rosetree
Image not of Rose

I love these clips of OJ Simpson’s attorney just constantly getting interrupted by the toothless guy to his left. His facial expressions and interruptions are priceless. He acts like he must be the president of the OJ Simpson fan club. Just hilarious. Fan IQ has the dirt on him “The man standing behind Yale Galanter, O.J. Simpson’s lawyer, is Jake Byrd, a comedian who can sometimes be seen on Bill Simmons’ friend Jimmy’s television show (that would be Jimmy Kimmel Live).” Fantastic!

Hat tip FanIQ