If it’s not Joe Biden, it’s Ocho Cinco. Huh? Oh you didn’t hear? Chad Ocho Cinco almost blew the election for Obama. How you ask? Let Mike Florio tell you.
Per a league source, Johnson had a Barack Obama banner stashed in each end zone, which he planned to retrieve and unfurl if he had scored [this past weekend against Houston].
One can only guess what the banner said. When will black on black crime stop? We’re headed for self-destruction I tells ya.
Well that didn’t take long. What can be said about the one they call Pacman this time? At least he didn’t get into it at the strip club? I suppose that’s a start.
Pacman could be in some trouble unless the Cowboys cover up his latest altercation Michael Irvin-style. CBS11 in Dallas and Pro Football Talk report that Pacman was involved in a scrap at a Dallas hotel. The Dallas station calls the Tuesday night incident a “violent confrontation”. Allegedly it was between Pacman and a member of his security detail.
Sources say police were called after Jones argued with one of his own bodyguards. By the time police arrived he was headed back inside the hotel and patrons could clearly hear a fight going on in the bathroom. That fight was allegedly between ‘Pacman’ Jones and a member of his security detail. Security inside the hotel allegedly pulled the two apart. At least one mirror was broken in the confrontation. Sources say Jones went outside and left the hotel without paying his tab. He was reportedly with a woman who drove the two away from the scene.
Strangely enough, there was no police report. That’s how you circle the wagons, Dallas. It’s a time honored tradition in the Execution State. Anyway, Pacman’s going to do as Pacman does. If Shammgod can’t go to the mountain, the mountain will just have to come to Shammgod. You can’t keep Pacman away from beef forever. He’s gotta have it like Pookie.
Maybe the Bengals should sign Pacman’s bodyguard. He got to Pacman way more than Ocho Cinco.
UPDATE: The Bengals would probably have to give up too high a draft pick to get the bodyguard because he’s already down with America’s Team. PFT’s Mike Florio has a league source who says the bodyguard “was an off-duty police officer who has been hired by Cowboys owner Jerry Jones to babysit Pacman”.
The source says that the problem started because the babysitter popped off to Jones’ female companion. Jones, who had been drinking, then started up with the guy, and it culminated in a scuffle.Jones, we’re told, had marks on his face at practice on Wednesday.
This keeps getting better. Only if the source knew what the bodyguard said to Pacman’s lady friend. Maybe he told Pacman’s bitch that he still felt that she owed him some sex.
When Terrell Owens isn’t busy spreading God’s glory like herpes, he likes to take time out of his busy day to hate on possession receivers. Wayne Chrebet and Brian Finneran better watch out. They could be next after T.O. finishes with Keyshawn Johnson.
Tim McMahon of the Dallas Morning News has all kinds of goodness from Irving after yesterday’s game between the Cowboys and Bengals. T.O. claims that he’s the reason Johnson is on ESPN Sunday mornings instead of getting ready to play.
“He is the ultimate underachiever on that panel,” Owens told reporters in Dallas before reminding them that he’s the reason Johnson is no longer playing in the NFL. “Everybody is aware when I was brought to Dallas he was the one they let go to get me here.”
Johnson must not have been able to spread glory like T.O. In case anyone forgot, he reminded the press after today’s win over the Bengals.
“God used me today for his glory,” T.O. said in conclusion. “Reality is where glory resides. That’s all I’ve got to say.”
T.O. wasn’t the only receiver talking nonsense after today’s game. Mr. Ocho Cinco was busy backpedaling and throwing out blame for his crap performance. He said Pacman was “going to get it“on Sunday.
“I don’t have a choice. I don’t have a choice,” he said. “Somebody tell Pacman or Adam or whatever the hell he wants to be called — he is going to get it. Anthony Henry, he’s going to get it.”
Three receptions and 43 yards later, Ocho Cinco was backin’ that ass up like Juvenile. He claimed that he never intended to kiss the star because he had “too much respect for “Dallas, Mr. Jones and the organization”. He was just trying to pump himself up. He must have read Boys Will Be Boys between his original comments and today’s game. How could you not respect game like that?
David Stern has to be losing it over players heading to Europe. Just wait until a marquee player decides to cross the pond. Depends time. Roger Goodell is probably laughing at Stern. “Stupid Stern. Giving players their rights and shit. You should have union that bends over on command. Ain’t that right, Genie Baby?” NFL players can’t do much of anything so it’s always good to have people like Chad Johnson around.
Pro Football Talk reports that Chad Johnson may be on the verge of doing something so stupid, it’s brilliant. He may be legally changing his name to Ocho Cinco.
Cinco was fined $5000 for having “Ocho Cinco” on his jersey last season so he’s considering a name change in Florida. His new name would be Chad Ocho Cinco. This would presumably allow him to out Cinco on his back. His jersey would blow up in the stores. PFT also points out that players get a cut of their jersey sales so the change would result in straight cash for our homey in Cincinnati.
I don’t want to believe this in case it isn’t true. Please let it be. Even if it is true, Goodell will probably find some way to crush it Putin-style.
The good news is that no one on the Bengals has gone to jail yet. Don’t hold us to that. That’s since two minutes ago. The bad news is that not only does Ocho Cinco want out but T.J. Houshmandzadeh is skipping the voluntary conditioning program as well.
NFL.com reports that TJ is skipping the workouts for “many of the same reasons Johnson is not attending”. The reasons include being underpaid and not being paid enough.
Houshmandzadeh is in the final year of four-year contract that is scheduled to pay him a base salary of $2.525 million. He failed to show up to the Bengals’ offseason conditioning program last season and, without a new deal before this year’s offseason conditioning program, Houshmandzadeh is not about to attend now. It is the reason he is not expected Monday or anytime shortly thereafter.
The article also notes that TJ is in the last year of his contract unlike Cinco who still has three years left. It would seem that the Bengals have to make a decision on TJ before Cinco. That’ll definitely sit well with Cinco.
Speak of the devil, Cinco just appeared on Last Call with Carson Daly but didn’t say anything about a potential holdout. Leave it to the douchebag and not ask the important questions. Before you ask, I lost the remote and I’m too lazy to get up to change the channel. This is my cruel and unusual punishment.
