Sometimes when I’m at work, and bored out of my ever lovin’ mind, I reminisce about the fun that I used to have as a child…and how on earth I ever survived. I’m gonna take a look back at the “action” toys of the 80s, designed to get all you kids out of the house and playing outside, not inside turning into zombies with those nintendos and ataris that we had…or if you couldnt get out of the house, at least to give you some calorie burning activity while you’re inside. Here are some toys that didn’t kill you, just made you stronger.
This was a genius device. It was an oddly shaped “ball” in name only with a rim around it that you stood on, locked your feet around the orb up top, and attempted to bounce all over town with. This was all good in theory but practically impossible to do for a growing kid. This thing had to be the cause of all sorts of fractured wrists and knee injuries, especially if you blew it up as much as you possibly could. One bad angle of bounce would send your ass tumbling to the ground, which was inevitably concrete or asphalt because this sucker would bounce way better on that than say, grass. I never got down more than 3 or 4 bounces on this sucker before I got tossed off, probably because my dad overinflated the sucker, yet I kept trying and trying.
Sit n Spin
The only purpose of this thing is to spin yourself so dizzy that when you try to stand up you collapse immediately to the floor and vomit. Its like concussion symptoms without the actual brain damage! Its like what daddy feels like when he comes home at 3am smelling like a bottle of Wild Turkey! FUN FOR ALL AGES!!
One of my favorite toys of all time. So much so, that I really wish I could be riding my own, adult sized, big wheel as I type this. The only problem with these vehicles are that you cant go all that fast on these…except when you go down hill and lift up your feet, but yea, that’s not totally safe, as I found out as a kid and I have the scars to prove it. Also of fun was that when you got up to a fast enough speed, you could pull the hand break and skid your big wheel out…or flip it over if you are going fast enough and skid out hard enough. That was fun too. I also liked that the solid tires were great to sharpen sticks to a fine tip when you turn the big wheel upside down. I was a stabby child.
Entertech Water Guns
Ok, so maybe these did help kill some people. The water guns themselves didn’t actually kill anyone however, but a few cops did kill some people because the geniuses at Entertech made these battery operated water guns look as realistic as possible…confusing many a law enforcement officer apparently much to the chagrin of quite a few parents. The guns themselves kinda sucked though, once your battery was drained, which was quick, you were left with nothing but a realistic looking useless water gun. What a troublesome piece of crap.
I dunno about your bike when you were a kid, but mine had no actual brakes on it. The brakes were you peddling backwards which then locked the wheels sending you skidding to a stop…sometimes a violent stop, especially if you had no idea how to swerve your bike into a nice steady skid or if you clamped down on those brakes too hard sending yourself flying off or over the bike. Also, we didnt have those fancy helmets kids wear these days either. Apparently head injuries weren’t of major concern back in the day…um what was I talking about again?
Got anything else? Leave it in the comments…