You love sports, you must if you read this website, but do you love sports enough to help fund someone else’s love of a sport? I don’t, but some people out there do and they have actually used this website called Kickstarter to help fund their sports related business ventures. The kick in kickstarter is that a lot of these never actually get funded.
You see, the website is a way for start-up projects to get instant funding, be they movies, books, bars, breweries, t-shirts, whatever, anything you can think of. If you have an idea and it needs funding then you can possibly get that funding on Kickstarter.
The thing is, if you do not achieve your goal funding level, you get none of the money. Thus, there are a ton of sports related items on there that were left unfunded and we at the Deuce feel that it is our duty to show you, the consumers, just what you missed out on.
We’ve gone through the sports related Kickstarters and hand picked our favorite sports related things that never got funded but should have…at least in our warped minds.
Who wants this product? This guy, that’s who. Sadly, these poor saps only got 2 backers who donated a total of $90 towards their goal of $8,500…and really, who can blame them, these things are atrocious. Just look at this one:
That is downright frightening. It bares a shocking resemblance to a piece of roadkill that has been affixed to a cap with a hot glue gun. Yeeeeuuck. Not getting funded on one website has not deterred this entrepreneur however, you can still pick up your Flyingbirdhat at Flyingbirdhat.com.
On the one hand, I hope that someone makes this a trend. I think I would get a huge kick out of being the website that started the Flyingbirdhat trend across the nation.
On the other hand, some hipster, somewhere, has looked at this post and has already decided that this cap will be sufficiently ironic and it will be on his head in 2-4 weeks, depending on shipping times, and I shiver at the thought of unleashing this upon the denizens of Brooklyn. They have suffered enough in recent years.
Yes…you really can turn anything into a competition. Check the video of this hot mess, you’ll see all the rules and what it takes for you to become the next sauna champion. Hot. You see what I did there? That is some subtle comedy. REAL subtle.
Yes, I know you’ve eagerly been awaiting this year’s Toe Wrestling championships, so the Deuce is here to supply you with your podophilic fix. The winners of this year’s event are Lisa “Twinkle Toes” Shenton for the women and Alan “Nasty” Nash, the 6 time champion (who managed to win with an undisclosed broken foot in 2000) for the men. Take a gander at the video…it is a foot fetishist’s dream.
The rules to this contest are simple: You have 2 minutes to do a sex routine in the air, which can include any and all portions of a sexual encounter, done to music and the best one wins. Props, teams and vocalizations are allowed but the organizers want to make sure you know that all climaxes MUST BE SIMULATED and not for reals. You hear that Lil John? You just go ahead and skeet skeet skeet your way outta here!
I don’t know about you, but sometimes, I get a little bored watching most sports movies. I watch enough baseball, basketball, football, hockey,boxing, etc that watching a movie about the sport is kind of tough for me to sit through most times. The worst thing about them is that whenever they have to do on the field action, since I watch those sports so much, I can tell when it isn’t being all that realistic and that ruins most sports movies for me. You pretty much have to make a perfect movie for it to gain any traction with me and there are a few that qualify, but most don’t.
The solution to this is that people need to make more movies about fake sports. How the hell can you know if the movie is unrealistic when they make all the rules? What a perfect solution. I don’t know why Hollywood hasn’t done much with this idea. Well, to help you out, I’m going to give you the 5 best movies out there that created their own sports. These movies, as cheesy as they are, at least tried to buck the trend of traditional sports movie making by creating a world of their own where the only rules that are followed are the ones they make up.
5.) Rollerball (1975 & 2002)
We all know this movie since they’ve made the same film twice, but the basic concept of the sport is that you try to put the metal ball into the goal, by any means possible…including killing your opponents while skating around in a roller derby-like rink with motorcycles and people with weapons around you. Future sports are quite violent. Some derivative of this sport should be created dammit, roller derby needs a ball in it to be a real sport! Both versions of the movie are quality, B movie level of entertainment containing plenty of violence and sport with enough background intrigue and backstabbing to make the movies fun watches for all, especially when inebriated, but if you have to watch one, you must check out the original 1975 version only because its got James Cann at his finest. This clip here is a little taste of the drama that can come from a fake sports movie.
4.) BASEketball (1998)
Classic comedy about the way sports should be. A league where everyone gets paid the same and teams can’t change cities, how much would Seattle love the NBA to be like this? Basketball played with baseball rules, does it get any easier? I dunno why no one has thought to try this for real? Oh right, it probably would suck. Made by the South Park creators so if by some reason you haven’t seen it, you can be assured that the movie will have its high points to help balance out its lows, this movie is just on the list because it would be great if fans wouldnt have to worry about their teams and players leaving town for more money?
3.) Death Race 2000 (1975 or Death Race 2008)
This movie just got remade and came out again this year, but if you haven’t seen either version, if you ever wanted to know where, when you see a pedestrian on the road and someone in the car says “two points if you hit him/her” comes from…its Death Race 2000. A movie about a cross country race where if you kill pedestrians you get more points. What a fun sport this is, I told you future sports movies were violent. Its not likely that this sport could become reality today, but you never know with those crazy Japanese. Anyway, if you thought David Carradine was badass in Kill Bill, you haven’t seen anything…Classic!
2.) Robot Jox (1990)
I do not think I could explain the awesomeness of this movie or sport on my own, I can’t do it justice. Just watch the trailer and wonder why you haven’t seen it yet…we need robot/human fighters now.
1.) The Running Man (1987)
This is definitely on my top movie list…not like top 10 or top 20, but i do own it on DVD which means its up there. This movie is more of a game show than sport, but it does involve a lot of athleticism to survive being killed so I’m putting it on the list and making it my number one. A movie where you run away from people trying to kill you, killing them if you can, and if you escape alive, you win. It boils down all the rules and gamesmanship in sports today down to a simple yes/no equation. Did you die? If the answer is no, you win. What could be a more perfect sport than this? People in sports talk about them being like life or death moments, but this one IS one of those moments. Arnold is in classic form in this, watch him take out Sub Zero. God I miss Richard Dawson…GOD i am old.
What other fake sports movies are out there and what fake sport do you want to see in film?