NHL Kommissar Gary Bettman must have been feeling left out since Roger Goodell and David Stern started running their respective leagues like their own personal fiefdoms. No longer will he have to listen to taunts from Goodell and Stern about letting the natives run wild. Putting Rowdy the Cowboys mascot on double secret probation must have been a slap to Bettman’s face. Making an example out of Sean Avery will show everyone that he too can make irrational and idiotic rulings.

Avery was suspended indefinitely by the NHL for comments made in the lead up to the Dallas Stars game against the Calgary Flames.

“I am really happy to be back in Calgary, I love Canada,” Avery said on camera [yesterday] in Calgary. “I just want to comment on how it’s become like a common thing in the NHL for guys to fall in love with my sloppy seconds. I don’t know what that’s about. Enjoy the game tonight.”

Everyone can agree that Avery is a douchebag but these comments were funny because they’re true. Flames defenseman Dion Phaneuf is dating Elisha Cuthbert who used to be with Avery. He also dated Rachel Hunter who’s now rolling with Kings center Jeret Stoll.

Avery has been accused of “conduct deterimental to the League or the game of hockey”. Stars owner Tom Hicks said the team would have suspended him if the league hadn’t acted first. Liverpool fans would like to do more than suspend Hicks. His own teammates including Marty Turco are throwing him under the bus like Starbury. The comments may be distracting but they are far from being the worst thing he’s ever done. TSN analyst John Tortella keeps things in perspective as well as Joe Buck.

“The league stepped up here and I think they did the right thing. Enough is enough,” said Tortorella. “He’s embarrassed himself, he’s embarrassed the organization, he’s embarrassed the league and he’s embarrassed his teammates, who have to look out for him. Send him home. He doesn’t belong in the league.”

The suspension is bullshit if the league is making up for letting previous antics as suggested by Bob McKenzie. Hell of a makeup call. The Stars should settle down. It’s not as if they didn’t know what they were getting when they took Avery on. It’s no problem for the team to move him if they think he’s too much of a distraction but everyone needs to stop acting as though a capital crime has been committed. These comments aren’t close to some of the worst things that have been uttered by NHL players without penalty. It’s not like he killed anyone. What? Too soon?

Good thing Stars coach Dave Tippett gets the point.

“I think everyone in our room believes there is an integrity that has to go along with the game, respect for the game and respect for your opponents and Sean crossed that line,” Tippett told reporters in Calgary prior to the game.

“I think the words, the words and disrespect for an opponent like that is something . . . there’s lots of trash talking that goes on on the ice. But then to announce something like that for everybody to hear, to me that crosses the line and the League — and our ownership felt that, too.”

Yeah that’s it. If anything, his comments were disrespectful to the Flames. Wah! Never mind calling Cuthbert “sloppy seconds”. I’m sure Jerome Iginla was crying for Phaneuf. “Dude, that’s just so fucked up. How could he say those horrible things about you? He’s a stupid dummy head!” Is Avery a dick. Yes. Should he have made those comments? Probably not. However a league suspension is going way overboard.

This seems like a move Sean Avery would pull. He’s definitely dirty enough. I see no reason why the Devils can’t retaliate against Avery even though he wasn’t in the building. It’s probably his fault in some way.

The “engaging raconteur” could not have been happy with Hagman’s move but The Great Muta would be proud. He was an incredibly underrated wrestler. I’m going to start spitting that powder at anyone who gets in my way whether it be at work or out on the town. “Hey could you stay late. We need … My eyes! The goggles! They do nothing! My mouth tastes like burning!”

** I had no idea Brodeur got divorced because he was nailing his sister-in-law. Well played, sir.

Good thing Chris Chelios wasn’t around when Joe Elliott of Def Leppard put the Stanley Cup upside down. Elliott would have “got dealt with” Bart Scott style.

Chelios is convinced that Elliott knew what he was doing when he placed the cup upside down. He told JJ & Lynne of WCZX in Detroit, “Someone should have drove that guy, he did that on purpose.”

J.J.: “You think he did it on purpose?”

“No, we know he did … we talked to people at the show and the guy was being real rude to everybody,” Chelios said. “He was in a bad mood when they got there, so for whatever reason he didn’t want to be there. And that’s his way of showing it and taking it out on the NHL. …

Lynne: “Do you think [Kyle] Quincey would have really popped him?”

“No I don’t know if he would have popped him, but he could have gave him a good shove,” Cheli said.

The old man is taking this a little too personal. He’s probably trying to pump up his team and get the crowd going. Someone should tell him it’s probably not worth his time if he’s not on the ice. I didn’t listen to the interview but I’m pretty sure that he also called out Dokken for insulting his mother and Mr. Big for wanting to be with him even though he’s “not like that”.

Def Leppard’s Joe Elliott is blaming the NHL for putting the Stanley Cup upside down.

“…Someone at the NHL should have known better and informed me first instead of keeping the Stanley Cup under lock and key until the last minute. The practice run the day before with a coffeemaker went swimmingly because it, like every other sporting cup I’ve ever seen, was wider at the top than the base. Ironic isn’t it that after that night’s gig, a NHL insider told me that long ago the Stanley Cup was also designed to be put down that way!!! Like most of my fellow Brits, I’d never seen it before until it was handed to me sideways by which time I had a 50/50 chance of getting it right. Whoops……”

We’ll give him a pass this time. The Brits aren’t used to getting trophies. At least he didn’t blame the “greasy Mexicans” this time.

If you’ve ever wondered why there are fights in the NHL, Adam Burish of the Chicago Blackhawks has an answer for you.

Imagine going into the office and your supervisor, who nobody likes, gives you and your co-workers a project that you know is just busy work but is important to get done, but nobody is to excited to do it. The next thing you know is you look over and your buddy is beating up your supervisor. Once he’s done beating him up, I’ll guarantee you will all be excited and go get that job done with a smile on your face.

Nuff said. Let’s make today Office Fight Day. See if they really work as a morale booster.