New Zealand Archives

The Cool Guy Always Beats the Baxter

Kiwi mauled by rampant Lankan tiger

Well, we did tell you that the Lankan attack was brilliant and lethal. And we told you that the Lankans would win, because their class would differentiate them from a rather plain, if very talented and consistent, New Zealand side. But we had no idea just how dominant the victory would be, as Sri Lanka won by 81 runs. After losing two wickets — Jayasuriya and Sangakkara! — relatively early, Mahela Jayawardene built a remarkable innings, scoring 115 off 109 balls, and powering his side to an imposing 5/289. The Kiwis never had a chance chasing that kind of target — not when Murali, Malinga, and Vaas were in such fine form.

And that’s really what this match came down to — the fact that Sri Lanka is a truly special, brilliant side. We’ve said for some time that they’re really the only team that can hope to beat Australia, because only they have the creativity, talent and class do so. New Zealand is a perfectly good team, and should be able to beat just about everyone other than SL and Australia. But they don’t have the spark of genius about them. Not in their batting, not in their fielding, and — with the exception of the exceptional Mr. Bond — not in their bowling. Sri Lanka does. That doesn’t mean SL can’t lose to lesser teams — they should have lost to England in the Super 8s. But it does mean that, on their day, SL can stand toe to toe with the Aussies. And even though I’m an Australia fan, I do want a great final. I think that SL will give us the game we all want.

Don’t Even Ask About His Left Nut

Although you might not be crazy about it at first, you’re going to see plenty more cricket posts here at the Deuce, because A) a wise man once said that niche blogging is the key to increased readership, and we’re all about massaging our demographics to eventually make mad AdWords loot; B) aside from our long-term financial planning, I actually love cricket; C) the Cricket World Cup in the West Indies is just around the corner, and; D) because the world of cricket, far from resembling the stereotype of a starchy reserve of cucumber-sandwich eaters, is fucking insane.

Don’t believe me? Meet Jacob Oram. Oram is a New Zealand all-rounder (that is, a player who is reasonably effective as both a batsman and a bowler. Not many good analogies in baseball, but think Livan Hernandez.) who has really come into his own in the last few months, and was one of the stars of the recent tri-series between NZ, Australia, and England. If NZ are going to have a serious run at the World Cup title, they need Oram to be healthy, especially in light of his outstanding recent batting form. Unfortunately, Oram busted his left ring finger making a catch against Australia earlier in the month, and the pain is threatening to sideline him through the big tourney. But Jacob’s got a solution: if the finger is hurting, just cut off the finger.

Desperate to take part in the World Cup, New Zealand all-rounder Jacob Oram has said he would seriously consider amputating his injured ring finger to make it to the Caribbean for the mega event.

Oram, who broke his finger during the Chappell-Hadlee Trophy match, said he was not sure how his finger was healing under the protective strapping.

“The plan is get to the West Indies, whip it off and assess the inflammation… If it means cutting the finger off, if that’s the worse-case scenario, if that’s the last resort, I’ll do that, there’s no way I’m missing this,” he was quoted as saying in the New Zealand media.

That, my friends, is hardcore. Byron Leftwich is a fucking pussy.