I was walking up the West Side Highway a week or two ago on my way to Lincoln Center to pick up some opera tickets. I was consumed with my thoughts and blasting some Tevin Campbell on the iPhone when I came across this ad near the USS Intrepid museum.**
You know it’s bad when Manhattan Mini Storage goes from making fun of George W. Bush and Paris Hilton to mocking the Mets. Consider this picture a reminder to fans out there who still harbor some delusional thought that this season will be anything but disastrous for the city’s second team. Accept your fate before the season starts and you’ll find that it’ll be much easier to deal with 162 games filled with ineptitude and failure.
I’m an Orioles fan. I’ve been used to losing for years. In the years immediately after 1997, I used to get my hopes up only to have them crushed and realize they were who I (and everyone else) thought they were. Now winning streaks don’t get me excited and losing streaks I expect like the sun rising in the morning or Jim Tressel lying his corrupt ass off. I try not to pay attention but I always get sucked back in around the start of spring training. Every season I come up with a reason that sounds rational at the time. This year? It’s the Buck Showalter plan. Let him build up the team, fire his ass and the O’s will win a World Series two years after he leaves. Never question the plan.
Who can forget the Mets choking down the home stretch a few years ago? It was actually quite impressive. Their fans were suicidal and neutrals like myself could only laugh and watch in amazement.
Chin up, Mets fans. At least you won’t have to deal with hilarious pictures like the one above this season. Consider live games an opportunity to work on your tan, get drunk and find someone new to hate since Oliver Perez has left the building. Go early and often, kids. Who knows how long it will be until foreclosure proceedings start on Citi Field thanks to the Madoffs.
** All of that is true. Fuck. I’m that guy. I’ve become what I… Jesus, I have some thinking to do. I should go.
Minor league baseball teams will do anything to get people to games, even appealing to demographics that most sports teams ignore, such as pregnant women. The Brooklyn Cyclones had a salute to pregnancy on Sunday where they offered a centerfield Lamaze class before the game, pregnancy food favorites such as pickles, ice cream, anchovy pizzas etc., a run/walk around the bases, a ceremonial first pitch by women in their 3rd trimester and if any woman gives birth at the stadium before the end of the game, the entire family gets tickets for life.
All pretty nice stuff for them to give out. There was one more giveaway though, and its a doozy. If any mother agrees to name her child “Brooklyn” or “Cy” will get season tickets for life.
Sadly, the kid doesnt get anything for being named after a minor league baseball team except relentless teasing for the rest of his/her life for being the child of an asshat.
Cole Hamels and the Phillies are not impressed with the Mets’ signings Francisco Rodriguez and JJ Putz. Welcome to Philadelphia, Chan Ho Park. Park signed a one year deal with the Phillies that could bring him about $5 million with bonuses.
The Phillies first signed 36 year old Raúl Ibáñez and now they’ve matched the Mets with the signing of journeyman Park. The former Dodger had a 3.40 ERA and 5 starts over 95 innings. Philly’s status as world fucking champions (NSFW language if you can’t guess) and his belief that he would come in as a starter convinced Park to choose Philly over other suitors but it’s hard to believe that would be a regular in the rotation.
Park will probably be more useful coming out of the bullpen and of course for situations such as the following:
What Mets player will run away from a fight this year when Park unleashes his signature flying scissors kick at him?
Yes, the music and leadup are awful. It’s not Linkin Park rap/rock or “Here Comes The Boom” but still, forgiveness please.
METS hottieDavid Wright is a charitable guy, but at his annual fund-raiser the other night, he was the one in need of some help. A spy at the Hard Rock Cafe in Times Square for his “Do the Wright Thing” event watched in shock as Wright was “mobbed by a swarm of trashy-looking cougars. Middle-age women with bad ’80s hair were practically pushing down little kids who were trying to get baseballs signed.” Wright was overheard pleading, “Ladies, calm down! Please, relax.”
A-Rod probably got upset at missing out on the cougars but quickly realized they were too young for him.