Last week we went an incredible 12-2, winning the locks and the upset specials of the week. Phenomenal week altogether, lets try to keep the momentum going this week. Overall, this puts Chimp’s Picks at 86-67 on the season, a phenomenal 56% rate, the magic number, also 6-5 on the locks of the week and 5-6 on the upset specials. Lets quickly get onto the picks, sadly without any write-ups this week as I am at Mrs. Rage’s parents house and she is glaring at me from the couch as we watch Elf on the USA network. Ahhh the holidays. As always, all lines are from TheGreek. Hot cheerleader is Jennifer from the Philadelphia Eagles. Scroll to the bottom if you want to skip to the Upset Special and the Lock of the Week.*

Cleveland at CINCINNATI -14

Not really a ton of time to get the picks out this week with the holiday festivities, but i’d be remiss to give you my picks for the day. Full recap of last week’s action and the rest of the picks will be up Friday, but here’s todays picks.

Last week we were a disappointing 7-8, although I should’ve been 8-7 since I would’ve picked Jacksonville had I known MJD was going to play, but that is the pitfalls in making your picks on Friday morning, so I’ll stick with the 7-8. Although you know, and I know, what the real play was there. The lock of the week (5-5 on the year) failed but the upset special won (4-6 on the year) and we are now 74-65 for the year, 53% so far, which means we need to go on a run to hit the magic 56% number we all strive for. Hopefully this week will be better. Lets get on to the picks. As always, all lines are from TheGreek. Hot cheerleader is Linda from the New York Jets. Scroll to the bottom if you want to skip to the Upset Special and the Lock of the Week.*

Cleveland at DETROIT -3.5

Well this is just the NFL equivalent of watching a cripple fight isn’t it? You feel sad for the two participants but you can’t help but watch anyway because hey…cripple fight, right? Its the NFL, you really cant help but watch every game you possibly can, even if it is this game of two sad excuses of NFL teams. If you must put action on this, I like the suddenly looking somewhat stable Lions to beat the constantly in turmoil Browns and to cover the field goal and then some spread. For some reason the Browns’ defense has not been playing that bad, they apparently missed the memo to suck for this season, but I just don’t trust their offense to score anything here.

BUFFALO +9 at Jacksonville

Yes, there is no logic here to this pick. ITS CRRRRAAAAZY! Who on earth would think that the Bills, who just fired their head coach Dick Jauron so he can concentrate becoming the completely dead instead of just the walking dead, could actually compete with the Jaguars who just ran all over the Jets, well I do ladies and gents. Take the Bills who will be so happy to finally play to win instead of playing not to lose like the did with “not really tricky at all” Dickie Jauron.

Pittsburgh at KANSAS CITY +10

Pittsburgh is without their defensive rock Troy Polamalu yet again and they are going seriously pass crazy even though their offensive line cannot pass block to save their lives. This game is and should be a get well game for the Steelers and they should win, but I dont like laying double digits to the home dog so the plan here is to take KC and the points and pray that not having Larry Johnson will be enough to allow the Chiefs to function like a real NFL team.

INDIANAPOLIS -1 at Baltimore

The Colts are a really really good football team, meanwhile the Ravens still have people thinking their defense is the one that won them a Super Bowl in 2000. That was 9 years ago people, wake up. They are a 5-4 team right now and looked wretched against the Browns last week. They could only score 1 offensive touchdown against them. That is bad, man, like crazy bad, Beastmaster bad.

Yeah, I am actually watching Beastmaster right now, it is such a bad movie but like the sucker I am, I am still watching it because I am too lazy to find something else on tv. Well that and I find that if there is anything on TV on that I actually care about when I am writing, I get ZERO work done. Funny how that works. I did get a little nostalgic for Marc Singer watching the new V on tv the other day though. I still don’t know if I actually like the new V or if I am just waiting for it to be as awesome as the old V seemed when I was like 8 years old. WTF is Marc Singer up to besides hitting the comic book conventions circuit? Also, Did you know Rip Torn is in Beastmaster? I certainly didn’t know that, but I, sir, am a moron. That guy must’ve had it rough as an actor before the Larry Sanders show, which, by the way, is possibly one of the top 5 greatest television comedies in my life time. Such an underrated show. Or maybe its just rated. At this point, with people like me talking it up its probably making it overrated. Whatever, lets move on, shall we?

ATLANTA +6.5 at New York Giants

The Giants are coming off a bye week and have lost 4 games straight with their secondary and quarterback both injured and struggling while the Falcons are as up and down as any team in the NFL. 2nd year QB Matty Ice is not looking so good this season after his breakout rookie year but his running game has been working for him lately so they could have a chance in this game even if Turner the Burner sits this one out. I wouldn’t pick the Falcons to win this game outright, but I cant see the Giants busting this one wide open. This pick here is a sharp pick if it works and it should…unless the Giants are healed in their secondary and Eli shows no ill effects from his foot thing. If that is the case, I am fucked.

SAN FRANCISCO +6.5 at Green Bay

Another road dog? What am I smoking? Well truthfully, nothing, but I am eating mozzarella sticks and pepperoni slices at the same time. Its like all the fun of pizza without the dough and sauce. You take one bite of the cheese stick and then take a couple pepperoni slices and it is meaty, cheesy tastiness. What is even better are those mozzarella/pepperoni rolls you can get in the cheese section of any grocery store. Its all done for you, you just have to cut it, or, like I do, just chomp down into that sucker and rip you off a piece of tasty meatcheese. There isnt much like snacking on meats and cheeses at 3am while you are trying to blog. You know you’ve entered a new stage in life when you pass on the chips or candy and use meat as your junk food. Its primal and yet refined at the same time. Its refimal.

Anyway, Green Bay is a mess right now and if you’ve been betting on them lately you are a braver person than I. I have no idea how they beat the Cowboys and I bet neither do they. Sure their sound bites all say the right thing, but inside, they have to be like “What the fuck just happened there? We’re still in this somehow! Hot damn!” The 49ers right now look downright scary with their running game and that is helping to mask the fact that Alex Smith is not and should not be a NFL quarterback. How is he not in the UFL? I gotta think Sexy Rexy or JP Losman could do a little better here. Take the 49ers and pray that Mike Singletary can get some pressure on Aaron Rogers since his line has more holes in it than my meth-head cousin’s brain.

Seattle at MINNESOTA -10.5

Big spread, biiiiiig spread. I have done pretty well betting against Seattle all year, especially on the road where they are 0-4. I like their streak of losing and my streak of winning when betting against them to continue here. Seattle’s defense stinks worse than my breath after eating mozzarella sticks and pepperoni all night…Mrs. Rage is not going to be happy when she catches a whiff of this. I’m not even sure if brushing my teeth and mouthwash is going to stop this from blasting her nostrils and making her visibly gag when i see her in the morning. Also, have you ever gotten liquid smoke on your hands? I used a little liquid smoke to flavor some turkey I was cooking up tonight (I live in a condo, no balcony, which means no grill, I needed some smokey flavor and I know it isnt the same but I have to use it anyway, leave me alone) and I got some of it on my hands and it wont go away. The downside of this is, my hands stink of bottled smokey flavoring, the upside is, my hands smell like delicious smoked meats. You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have…the facts of life.
So, to sum up, my breath and my hands smell like smoked meats and cheese and take Minnesota.

Washington at DALLAS -11

Who in the hell thought the Redskins could win that game last week? Not I. My personal thanks to Kyle Orton, the Redskins MVP for the game. Their offense was lighting up the Redskins defense when he was at quarterback but once he injured his ankle, they could only muster 36 yards with the spleenless Chris Simms at the helm. Who would’ve thought that a spleen was an integral part of being a QB in the NFL. Lets look at his stats pre spleen removal and post spleen removal:

Pre Spleen: 19 games played, completed 59.1% of his passes, QB rating of 71.2
Post Spleen: 2 games played, 26% completions, QB rating…well it was 7.2 last week…that is bad.

After this small sample size my conclusions are that spleens are necessary for survival in the NFL. Wait I am just handed a note…Drew Bledsoe ruptured his spleen in like 2000, paving the way for Tom Brady to steal his job, and after his spleen got obliterated his stat lines were statistically better in Buffalo and Dallas than when he was with the Patriots. Ok, so maybe not having a spleen only hurts when you are Chris Simms and you suck. You have NOTHING on Major Applewhite, Simms! NOTHING!

NEW ORLEANS -11 at Tampa Bay

New Orleans has been playing it close lately with their opponents and because of that, this week, I like them to break out of their semi-slump and dominate. I say semi-slump because they still haven’t lost a game, they’ve just been playing in some squeakers. Ronde Barber can only do so much against the offense of the Saints. All the Saints receivers should run wild in this game.

Also, am I the only won in this world rooting for a Saints/Bengals superbowl? Who Dats vs Who Deys! Why don’t more teams do this? Someone needs to adopt Who ‘Dis? or Who Dont! or Who Dunnit! Or something.

Arizona at ST. LOUIS +9

The Cardinals have been playing pretty well lately but I like Steven Jackson to make this game competitive. I still cannot say how sorry I feel for that man. He must really love the game to put forth such effort every game for such a God awful team. I like their chances at home here to keep this game close and even possibly steal one away from the NFC Champs.

New York Jets at NEW ENGLAND -10.5

The Jets are frauds, frauds with a running game, but frauds nonetheless. I think the Patriots here do one of those no mercy style beatdowns on the Jets to make up for their close game against the Colts last week. There shouldn’t be any controversy on the final play of this game, unless its about the Patriots trying to run up the score.

TENNESSEE +4 at Houston

With Chris Johnson looking like the second coming of Walter Payton can anyone reasonably bet against the Titans right now? Their defense scored twice last week, they have the best running back in football and Vince Young is playing some very un-Vince Young like football right now. The Texans never seem to ever live up to their hype and even though they have had 2 weeks to prepare for this game, their defense will not be prepared for Chris Johnson. Little known fact (especially do all you Deadspin readers) Chris Johnson’s middle name actually is Duan. How cool is that?

UPSET SPECIAL OF THE WEEK

Cincinnati at OAKLAND +9.5

I just have to think at some point again, real soon, then Bengals will look like the Bungles. This might be it. On the road, with their #1 running back injured, against a team with absolutely nothing to lose…and they just signed the ultimate locker room disaster Larry Johnson. I smell UPSET OF THE WEEK material game right here! I need to hit up a sports bar this Sunday so I can watch this game I think. Watching the Raiders is like watching a NASCAR event, you watch it for the crashes, and crashes in this case mean you watch it waiting for Tom Cable to pull a Woody Hayes or Buddy Ryan and just punch the living shit out of someone.

LOCK OF THE WEEK

PHILADELPHIA -3 at Chicago

Even the Eagles cant mess this game up. The Bears simply are a team lacking in talent right now. Their offensive line is a disaster and their vaunted defense from years past is a shell of its former self. Meanwhile, if Andy Reid could just get out of his way and stop making game planning so complicated, the Eagles could beat anyone in the league. Take the Eagles and the 3 points, this one is a gimme.

*Deuce of Davenport is only doing this column for entertainment purposes only, you’d be a fool to actually follow any of this advice and/or these picks. We accept no responsibility for anyone actually gambling with these picks.

WOW. Last week was awesome huh? If i didn’t monkey around and give you guys the over/under/ml picks I would’ve gotten 12 of 13 right. As it was, I got 8 right and 5 wrong here. Amazingly my lock of the week was the only game against the spread that I lost, the rest was just crazy picks for you kids and I am vowing now to not go nuts and give you more spread picks. All in all, last week was our best week of the season by far and it will only get better. To date, I am 60-53, 4-4 on locks of the week and 2-6 on upset specials. Lets keep making money this week, on to the picks. As always, all lines are from TheGreek. Hot cheerleader is Sabrina C. from the Atlanta Falcons. Scroll to the bottom if you want to skip to the Upset Special and the Lock of the Week.*

KANSAS CITY +6.5 at Jacksonville

After the stinker the Jags laid last week, I am not sure how they are favored by almost a touchdown against the Chiefs. They’ve lost to the Titans and only beat the Rams by 3 points, are we so sure that they will beat the Chiefs down by a friggin touchdown? Certainly NOT! I personally think its more likely that without the Larry Johnson mope-show around, the Chiefs might be focused enough to actually win this one. Clock is always right two times a day, this might be the 2nd time. Take the Chiefs.

Baltimore at Cincinnati +3

Ok, the Bengals went to Baltimore and beat the Ravens, but the Ravens are the favorites on the road against them…I don’t get it. This, to me, is an example of the public putting money on a sentimental favorite and not giving respect to the underdog…who shouldn’t be an underdog. Have you seen the Bengals’ record this year? Here’s a hint, it is better than the Ravens’ record. Just take the home dog, and watch double your money come back to you.

DETROIT +10 at Seattle

Stafford is gonna play, Megatron (see right) is back and Kevin Smith isnt hurt, surely they can keep up with the Seahawks in this one. Yes we all know Seattle is a difficult place to play, but the ‘Hawks are hurting on their O line and their running game is horrendous even when it is healthy. They won’t be able to grind out a win here, Detroit will keep this one close. Take the Lions to cover.

Also, how fucking cool is it that Calvin Johnson is nicknamed Megatron? Its a great nickname, I’d love to be nicknamed Megatron, but despite its awesomeness, does it even make any sense to call him that? Its not like he is evil, its not like the Lions are the “bad guys” in any game they play in, and its not like he’s the leader of the team. He is a wide receiver, by the nature of his position he is a complimentary player.

I think that if Calvin Johnson had to be nicknamed for a Transformer, he should’ve been named Ultra Magnus (see right). Don’t know who he is? Well do listen on. First off, he is an Autobot, a good guy, which by all accounts Calvin Johnson is. Also, the Autobots were the gritty gutty underdogs a lot of the time to the Decepticons and their evil schemes. Always on the defense, never on the attack. See, UM was a city commander, not a supreme commander like Optimus Prime or something, so he wasn’t the man in charge, just one of the team leaders. A complimentary role. He also was a car carrier when he transformed. He could literally carry his team on his back if need be, much like CJ can do now. Also, when he did kick it into gear, he was one of the most devastating Autobots out there. Plus Ultra Magnus is just a damn cool name. If I ever have a son, you’d better believe that boy is going to be named Ultra Magnus. Magnus Ver Magnusson can suck it!

Houston at INDIANAPOLIS -9

Really not sure what is going to happen here, I think the loss of Owen Daniels is really going to hurt the Texans’ offense more than a lot of people think. Without O.D. and with Ryan Moats starting at RB for them, I just think the Colts’ defense can key in on Andre Johnson and keep shutting down Kevin Walter like so many teams have before them. I mean, Moats had himself a heck of a game last week, but there is a reason that no one in fantasy football had even considered picking Ryan Moats off the waiver wire at any point in his professional football career…he’s Ryan Fucking Moats. Moats! Even his name sounds like he is running through sludge. Take the Colts.

GREEN BAY -9.5 at Tampa Bay

This one, in theory, should be a cakewalk for the Pack. The Bucs are horrible, just horrible and the Packers have proven that when Aaron Rogers has time to throw, he’s damn near unstoppable. Don’t even think about taking the Bucs here. Its Packers all the way.

Miami at New England -10.5

Miami is not going to be able to catch up to New England once they take the lead and begin pressing down on the neck of the Dolphins…wait do Dolphins even have necks? Maybe they’ll just be pushing down on the blow hole or some shit. Anyway, the Patriots are feeling the flow right now, Brady and Moss and WELLLKAHH yadda yadda you know what is gonna happen here. Pats win, boring. You take the Pats to win, you win, exciting. Exciting is good. Do it.

Carolina at NEW ORLEANS -13

If any game has the smell of “Letdown Game” all over it, it is this one, yet I am still picking the Saints. The reason is that once Carolina gets behind, they are going to have to throw. When Carolina throws, Darren Sharper is going to be intercepting balls from Jake Delhomme to the tune of at least 10 times in this game, with 6 of them being returned for touchdowns. A little bit of exaggeration to prove the point. Carolina’s run game will not be able to carry them in this one. Book it. Ship it. Saints cover, take em.

Tennessee at SAN FRANCISCO -4

I love the 49ers this season. They play in some entertaining games and even though they’ve lost their last 3 games, they are a fun and firey team to watch, especially with Alex Smith finally playing up to his potential (well, somewhat, he was a #1 pick so he’s got a ways to go). I think this one San Fran wins. We all know the Titans are a bad football team and even though they dismantled the Jags last week, they will show their spots in this one. The Vince Young comeback trail will hit a gigantic pothole against the 49ers defense and the wheels should come off. San Fran should come away winning this one by a TD easy.

SAN DIEGO +4.5 at New York Giants

The Giants are a hurt team. Ever since Eli has battled his foot injury he has been less than effective at the helm of the Giants offense, and that was after one brilliant start to the season. Not to mention the health of their secondary with Aaron Ross probably out again. Meanwhile the Chargers have won 2 in a row but really haven’t beat anyone good this year. This is their chance…which of course means Norv will fuck it up somehow. Regardless, I’m all over the Chargers in this one.

Speaking of NYC though, what the hell is up with the massive all media orgy over the NY Giants winning the World Series? I know New Yorkers think their city is the center of the universe and pretty much the center of the news media universe, but Christ on a stick, if I have to hear “All is right in the universe now” or “The world is right again” or “The trophy is back where it belongs” from another mouth breathing or “I am not emo anymore because being a hipster is much cooler” New Yorker I might actually have to slap a bitch. The trophy belongs with whomever won that year asshats. You never hear Steelers’ fans say “All is right in the universe now, the Lombardi trophy is back where it belongs” when they win yet another Super Bowl? You dont hear it when the Red Wings dominate yet another Stanley Cup? No, so shut the fuck up and enjoy your moment in somewhat of a classy manner. You remember how you hated all the wannabe Red Sox fanboy assholes with their pink hats and popped collars suddenly thinking their shit didn’t stink because they were fans of a team that won a couple World Series? Remember that? Well learn from it for once. You’ve won 2 World Series in 9 years, congrats…that is a .222 average. Whoop-de-fuckin-doo. That is better than some, not as good as others. Also, you live in a city where you cannot see the sun. YOU CANNOT SEE THE SUN AND YOUR STREETS STINK LIKE YESTERDAY’S GARBAGE. Enjoy your parade fucksticks and I hate you all.

Dallas at Philadelphia UNDER 48

Philadelphia’s offense thrives off of the big play, as does Dallas’ offense. Miles Austin’s whole career has been based off the big play so far. So guess what? I dont think any big plays are gonna happen here this week. I’m going out on a limb on this one and I’m gonna say both of their defenses are actually playing better than both of their offenses right now and I think that this one actually could be quite a defensive struggle. Will it happen? Probably not with my track record on over/unders, but I am gonna give it a shot anyway. Go under!

PITTSBURGH -3 at Denver

The Steelers are back…well Polamalu is back, which means the STEELERS ARE BACK. Denver lost for the first time last week and they will lose this one as well because while they will pressure Big Ben and sack him a couple times, they will also get gashed when they blitz and fail. The sacks will not balance out the times they get beat. Also, the Broncos’ dink and dunk offense will not be able to get any momentum against the vaunted Steelers defense, preventing the surprising Broncos D from getting off the field enough to be competitive late in the game. Steelers win this and cover, take em.

UPSET SPECIAL OF THE WEEK

ARIZONA +3 at Chicago

Two weeks ago the Cardinals went out to the east coast and shocked the world by beating the Giants. Well, ok they didnt shock me, I picked that game right dammit. Trust me when I say that I am also picking this one right. The Cards lost in a bad way to the Panthers last week as their running game tore up the Cardinals defense…luckily the Bears are struggling a bit in their running game this season. As a matter of fact, the Bears are struggling in all facets of their game right now and that is why I am liking the Cardinals to win this one. The Bears defense will struggle to stop the high flying Cards offense from scoring, even if Boldin is out for the game. If Arizona can get any pressure on Cutler, he will throw an INT or two. If you were brave, you’d take the ML, but since its only +125, you should take the points.

LOCK OF THE WEEK

Washington at ATLANTA -10

Normally a bye week should help a team. I do not think it has helped the Redskins too much to have 2 weeks to sit around and think about the abortion of a season they are having right now. This season is going so bad, Dan Snyder, he of the Dark Heart, even showed himself in public and sort of apologized to his fans…sorta. Players dont know what is going on. Coaches dont know what is going on and are blaming the players. Players are blaming themselves and the front office. The front office doesn’t know what is going on and is blaming the coaches. The fans certainly dont know what is going on but they do know there are people to blame and it starts at the top at the owner. Total disarray here in Washington DC…which leads me to this double negative. There is no way the Redskins don’t get blown out this week by the Falcons. No. Way. In. Hell. The season has been a bad one, but the one thing missing so far is a dominating blow out by an opponent and I think it happens this week. This is the week it goes from embarrassing to just sad. A cloud of no hope will fall on the city (if it weren’t there already) and it is a LOCK that this week Atlanta covers 10 points and makes the city of Washington sick to their stomachs watching this poor excuse of a football team.

*Deuce of Davenport is only doing this column for entertainment purposes only, you’d be a fool to actually follow any of this advice and/or these picks. We accept no responsibility for anyone actually gambling with these picks.

Good day people! Lets recap last week shall we? Ok, if you followed all my picks we went 7-5-1, not a bad week at all. The Upset Special was a Loss and the Lock was a win. On the year, we’re at 52-48-1, 4-3 on Locks of the Week and 2-5 on Upset Specials. We’re not doing great, but we are in good position halfway through the season to get you a lot of money. SO LETS WIN BABY! This week, I am picking fast b/c i just got like 3 new Xbox 360 games and they rule my life right now. On to the picks. As always, all lines are from TheGreek. Hot cheerleader is Carolyn from the Carolina Panthers. Scroll to the bottom if you want to skip to the Upset Special and the Lock of the Week.*

Denver at Baltimore OVER 41.5

This one is a tough game to pick the winner of. On the one hand, Denver is undefeated, on the other hand Baltimore is probably a more talented team. Compounding the issue is that both teams are coming off a bye week, giving them 2 weeks to prepare for this game. What to do? Pick the over! Baltimore’s defense has been thrown on all year and Baltimore’s passing game is the most dynamic part of their offense, even with 2 weeks for each team’s defense to prepare for this game, it is going to be a high scoring affair. Play it safe and take the over.

Cleveland at CHICAGO -13.5

This game shouldn’t really even be a contest. The Bears are by no means a great team, but the Browns are such a horrible team, even an average squad like the Bears will dominate them. With Tommy Harris coming back to the Bears defensive line, the one chance that Jamal Lewis had to find room to run has disappeared. Don’t look for the Bears to overlook this game either after last week’s evisceration by the Packers. This game will be like a Big 10 team scheduling a D-1-AA squad for homecoming. No contest. Take the Bears, don’t think about it too much.

HOUSTON -3.5 at Buffalo

This spread could be -9 and I would’t be shocked at all. Let me put this as clearly as I can…the Bills will not even come close to winning this game. Even Houston’s sieve-like defense will contain the well-educated Bills quarterback Ryan Fitzpatrick. Take the Texans, watch the flood of points wash away your money woes.

SAN FRANCISCO +12 at Indianapolis

Maybe i’m giving Mike Singletary a little too much credit here, but I just cannot see how they get blown out against Indianapolis even in Indy. As great as the Colts have looked this year, they really haven’t played a team yet with a great defense except for Miami…and that game was decided by 4 points. In the 49ers two road games this year, they have lost by a total of 6 points (they lost by 3 each game). I have a pretty decent blowout sensor and it is not tingling right now. Take the 49ers.

MIAMI +3.5 at New York Jets

These teams last faced each other just 3 weeks ago, scoring 58 points total with the Dolphins winning by 4 points. In that game, at Miami, the Jets were favored by 3 points and the O/U was 36. Oh, how things change, well not by much. In this game at the Meadowlands the Jets are favored now by 3.5 and the O/U has been bumped up a bit to 40.5. So last time they played, the underdog covered and the Over won…and if the current lines were used on that game, the same thing would’ve happened. I’m not going to screw with this extremely limited statistical historical analysis (if you can call it that) and I am taking the Dolphins. If you wanted to go nuts and do a correlated parlay, I would take the Over. Why not. If you dont learn from history…ah I forget.

ST. LOUIS +4 at Detroit

This will happen. They might even get off the schneid and win the damn thing. I mean, who is going to start at QB for Detroit? Stafford’s knee is all jacked up, Culpepper has a gimpy hammy and Drew Stanton is out indefinitely with a knee injury. Add to that Calvin “Megatron” Johnson’s own knee injury and I smell an offense that can be stopped even by the Ram’s sorry ass defense. I hope, sincerely hope, that Steven Jackson has a big day. That guy deserves at least one win. Take the Rams.

Seattle at DALLAS -9.5

Yea, last week’s game probably was a fluke for the Cowboys, but Seattle’s defense is a joke…unless you’re Jacksonville, then the joke is on them I guess. I expect another solid showing from the Romo to Austin connection and the running backs should run wild over the Seahawks. Also, Dallas’ D has actually been playing well as of late and should be able to bottle up the one dimensional Seattle offense. Take the Cowboys in this event.

New York Giants at PHILADELPHIA +1

A home dog? You serious?? In the NFC East??? Can I keep going with these questions???? Are you annoyed yet????? Well think of how annoyed Eagles fans are with Andy Reid, Donovan McNabb, Michael Vick and Brian Westbrook. Reid won’t call a run, McNabb has become the bounce pass king, which is great for basketball but not football, Vick has lost not just a step, but it appears as if he’s lost a foot out there with the speed he’s moving at, and Westbrook cannot finish a game…and he barely starts any anyway. So why am I picking them? Because their D will win this game for them. Also, Eli is hurt and Bradshaw is hurt. The Eagles play D so aggressively they will force a couple turnovers out of those guys. Throw in a little special teams magic and the Eagles win this home game by a touchdown. Pick the Eagles.

Minnesota at Green Bay UNDER 47

I’ve gone back and forth on this game and I can make a case for both teams winning. So that means I am going with the O/U for you to bet on. The over/under has gone from 48.5 to 47 very fast this week, despite around 3/4th of the action on the over. This, to me, means sharps are all over the under….and so am I. Take the under.

Carolina at Arizona UNDER 41

I see this game being like a 27-9 type affair where the Panthers get close and end up kicking field goals and going for it and failing on 4th down a lot, while the Cards score a few easy touchdowns on long drives as they rack up the yardage against the Panthers’ weak D. With the pick-6 machine Delhomme at QB though, anything could happen though. I am hoping the Cardinals just intercept the ball and they don’t run it back for any scores. That’d blow it all up for you and me. Take the Under.

ATLANTA +10 at New Orleans

Its Monday night, isnt there a law that these games should be close? The Saints are devastating on offense and pestering on defense but after the Falcons’ blow out defeat last week, I can see them making a game of it in prime time.

UPSET SPECIAL OF THE WEEK

OAKLAND +1050 at San Diego

Ok, we all know this won’t happen. But won’t it be fun to root for it to happen? Its not like you really want to take SD at -16.5 and its not like you want to take all those points and bet on the Raiders…even the over/under is 50/50 here. This is the only sensible thing to do. I mean if you hit this game, you will win a lot of money…like a lot. A simple $100 bet will get you $1,050 back. I mean, you gotta at least try it! Its not like 1) Oakland hasn’t beaten a decent team, they have when they beat the Eagles and its not like 2) You can trust Norv Turner. I can see the Chargers flubbing this one. It can happen. If it does, you can take advantage. BIG TIME. This is why this is the UPSET SPECIAL OF THE WEEK

LOCK OF THE WEEK

JACKSONVILLE +3 at Tennessee

So the Titans are starting Vince Young at QB for this game. Jacksonville wins. Its that easy, really. If you really wanted to get cocky you’d just take the Jaguars ML at +145. That’s not big enough odds for me so just take the points and enjoy the easy win. It is the LOCK OF THE WEEK.

*Deuce of Davenport is only doing this column for entertainment purposes only, you’d be a fool to actually follow any of this advice and/or these picks. We accept no responsibility for anyone actually gambling with these picks.