Wednesday, September 9th, 2009 at
Hold me closer, Tiny Dancer!
The Deuce finds Orlando Brown’s lack of creativity disturbing. How dare he attempt to mimic Deuce patron saint Najeh Davenport? There’s only one Deuce and he’s a model in Pittsburgh. You wanna make some magic? Do something original. Breaking in a residence and dropping a deuce is played out like Kwame
and the fucking polka dots. Who rock the spot? Biggie!
Former Brown and Raven Brown was arrested for breaking into his ex-wife’s foreclosed house and trashing it.
According to court documents, Mira Brown accused her former husband of entering her home while she was away on vacation. The two have been divorced since 2004.
While she was on vacation July 21 through Aug. 28, someone broke the front storm door, entered her home, tore down the basement curtains, defecated in a basement toilet and ransacked her closet, according to court documents.
She also received two text messages from Orlando Brown’s phone before she returned, one of which stated that he had toured her house, the records say.
Deuce fail. If you’re going to break into someone’s place and drop a deuce, make it count. Najeh thinks the closet is a fine place to start. If you choose to be classy and drop one in the vicinity of a toilet, make it an upper decker. Make a Jackson Pollock in a room of your choosing. Perhaps one with carpet and plenty of upholstery. The possibilities are endless. Maybe we’re being too hard on Orlando. It’s bad enough being named after Orlando Jones. Combine that with getting an angry pirate from Jeff Triplette and it’s easy to see how a washed up OT might lose his mind.
Wednesday, December 10th, 2008 at
Oft signed and cut patron saint of the Deuce of Davenport, Najeh “Deuce” Davenport has just been signed, for the 3rd time this season, by an NFL team. The Indianapolis Colts have decided to give the thrice cut former Steelers running back a shot on the team with Joseph Addai ailing in their backfield. Najeh this year has amassed a total of 2 carries for 5 yards, with a long run of 3 yards.
The Deuce is loose!
Thursday, October 2nd, 2008 at
Wednesday, September 3rd, 2008 at
What can you say about the Detroit Lions? They have a QB who thinks God’s going to help him win 10 games a season. Still waiting on that. A GM who makes Dan Duquette look like a genius and a running back who makes Harry and Lloyd look like Mensa candidates. Excuse me, Flo. What’s the soup du jour?
Matt Millen signed former Bengals running back Rudi Johnson after releasing the next Defensive Player of the Year. Tatum Bell didn’t take too kindly to that and that’s when things got weird.
From Pro Football Talk:
…As we’re told by a reliable source … Johnson left his bags outside CEO Matt Millen’s office while he met with team officials and, ultimately, worked out a deal with the team.
So when Johnson came back to get his bags, they were nowhere to be found. Johnson and Millen were stumped.
The team checked the videotapes generated by the team’s in-house surveillance system, and they quickly identified the culprit.
So who might it have been? None other than Tatum Bell, who lost his gig with the Lions after Rudi arrived.
PFT explains that Bell took the bags to a female acquaintance’s house. When confronted (presumably by Millen wearing a bobby hat), he claimed he thought the bags belong to someone he knew. The acquaintance said she hadn’t seen Bell for a couple months and he just showed up at her door asking her to hold on to the bags “for a while”.
We disagree with Florio. We think Najeh Davenport would have had the appropriate response. There ain’t no half-steppin’ when it comes to our godfather. He would have opened those bags and let loose like a Gatling gun. Stupid’s contagious at Ford Field. It’s only a matter of time until Rudi’s infected.
Monday, June 30th, 2008 at
Former Steelers RB Najeh Davenport shitting out a trail of Cleveland Browns.
It wouldn’t be right if we didn’t note the release of our namesake Najeh Trenadious Monte Davenport. He’s our guiding light. He’s our everything. To us, Najeh is more than a shit joke. Well, that’s not true. He’s mostly a shit joke but he’s also a quite capable backup. Chimp and I as well as the women of Barry University thank him as well as the inspirational power of Strongbow for helping us become who we are today. The Deuce wholeheartedly endorses him to any NFL team looking for consistent, regular leadership and occasional on-field play.