It’s a damn shame musicians stopped combining powers to raise money for charitable causes. I’m not talking telethons or some cause de célèbre which is nothing but a cash grab (shout out to Wyclef). I’m talking about singers joining forces and making music in hastily organized mobs to save the world. Remember Do The Muslim Kids Know It’s Christmas? How about We Are The World? Don’t give me that We Are The World 25 For Haiti mess. That’s lazy. Come with the original.

The lack of charity posse cuts stems from the fact that music no longer has selfless heroes. Everyone’s more concerned about making money for self through every available channel. Where are the Harry Belafontes and Bob Geldfofs of today?

We don’t need another hero? Wrong. We need another Dio. You read that right. Dio. How did I just found out about heavy metal’s contribution to the fight against famine called Hear N’ Aid? The word brilliant doesn’t do it justice. Witness the strength of Stars.

Dio. Dokken. Quiet Riot. Judas Priest. Queensrÿche. Y&T. Twisted Sister. W.A.S.P. Iron Maiden. Night Ranger? Whatever. A who’s who of heavy metal.

Stars has something like seven guitar solos. Not one. Not even two. Multiple solos donated to hungry African shorties. Throw some horns up for that.

Friday was the 28th anniversary of We Are The World. Has anyone asked the original USA for Africa participants whether they’d be interested in throwing a fundraiser for Dionne Warwick? Oof. Hear N’ Aid should have opened an IRA for… well, everyone involved. Last one standing gets the pot. Thanks for playing, Ronnie James Dio and Kevin DuBrow. We have some lovely parting gifts on your way home.

New to you heavy metal to start the morning. Now get out there and be somebody.

Note: Allow me to be serious for a moment. AllAfrica and USA for Africa are gearing up to commemorate the 30th anniversary of We Are The World. Harry Belafonte and Yvonne Chaka Chaka released a launch video to get the ball rolling. You can watch it here.

H/T to WFMU

There’s a new IHOP in the West Village but can you order a new David Bowie single first thing in the morning? Hell no. They don’t even serve Moons Over My Hammy. Don’t worry. The Deuce got you.

“Where Are We Now?”, Bowie’s first new single in 10 years, dropped on his website early this morning to the delight of Twitter. Hopefully this will slowly move the circle jerk over AJ McCarron’s girlfriend off my timeline by the time the East Coast wakes up. Try it out with a grilled-cheese burger melt and some corn beef hash smothered in gravy.

The new album entitled The Next Day comes out March 8 in Australia and March 11 in the rest of the world except the US where it comes out on the 12th. The following is a statement on the single from his newly updated website:

Produced by long term collaborator Tony Visconti, ‘Where Are We Now?’ was written by Bowie, and was recorded in New York. The single is accompanied by a haunting video directed by Tony Oursler which harks back to David’s time in Berlin. He is seen looking in on footage of the auto repair shop beneath the apartment he lived in along with stark images of the city at the time and a lyric constantly raising the question Where Are We Now?

Speaking of Denny’s, when are they going to challenge IHOP’s push into New York City? If I’m going to eat breakfast in a NYC diner with patrons who look like the spawn of Mags Bennett and Beetlejuice, I better damn well be able to get a Lumberjack Slam. Why hit up Great NY Noodletown at three in the morning when you can try the IHOP on 14th St. between 2nd and 3rd Avenues? Bouncers, shit customer service and ice garnishing “hot” entrees await you and your drunk ass crew.

That is Gorbachov: The music video. I particularly like the part where gladiator Gorbachov shoots the hell out of devil Stalin with his sub-machine gun, then blasts lasers out of his eyes for freedom. Busting out the Cossack dance at the end was just a bonus. This is amazing.