Whores of the world unite! Finally a hero steps forth to write a playbook for all y’all interested in gittin’ yerself some NASCAR cock. Before it was all touch and go, hit or miss and suck or blow but now it’s smooth fuckin’ and golddiggin’ thanks to Liz Allison. If Ralph Hinckley had an instruction book like this (or any instruction book), he might not have been cancelled after three seasons.

Allison has written a book called The Girl’s Guide to Winning a NASCAR Driver which gives “ladies” tips on how to marry a NASCAR driver. Here are some of her money shot tips:

– No big jewelry and forget high heels at a track.

– Don’t be a pit lizard and go after married drivers.

– Let the driver lead with the goodnight kiss (but lead with the handjob).

In addition to these amazing tips, Allison also lets readers in on the driver’s favorite hangouts in Charlotte.

“It’s interesting how these people meet, because racing is a very interesting way of life. … How could you ever meet one of these guys? And does true love really happen at a race track when the cars don’t have back seats? Ok maybe I added that last part but I assume that’s a known known or a known unknown.

Allison was married to the late Davey Allison so she has first-hand knowledge. This is pretty much like getting tips on the pimp game from Bishop … sorry, Archbishop Don Magic Juan.

The Super Bowl ad cash grab is well underway and the advertisements that we will all be mesmerized by this February 4^th are almost all in place. Advertising Age already has a list up of who has bought what for the Super Bowl (of money). Of course, in light of the Janet Jackson scandal a lot of companies are obviously taking it upon themselves to make sure their ads are “kid friendly”. Of note:

• Anheuser-Busch has the most ad time so far at an astounding 5 minutes of ads. The Super Bowl and FCC are all about keeping nipples away from the young impressionable minds of our children…but we can sell the shit out of some beer to them!
• GoDaddy will have three spots featuring the always hot Danica Patrick. Who knows what the hell they sell…i’m guessing sex or cars. Kids need both.
• GM has bought 3 ads. Chevrolet has two of them. That means the kids will always know that This IS Ourrrrrrrrrrr Counnnnnntry.
• Boehringer Ingelheim’s Flomax…really, need anymore be said? Think of the kids people!!

See the whole list here – Advertising Age