Chin up white peop…I mean hard-working American people. Damn you for infecting me so fast, Hillary. While your jobs are being shipped overseas and given to bloodthirsty, whore-loving illegal immigrants thanks to NAFTA, corporate America is having a grand old time at your expense. The Bush administration is bailing out the banks while screwing homeowners. Guess what? You aren’t the only ones they’re trying to screw like a penguin.

The US is forcing Mexico pay Canada some serious loonies. Ron Mexico a.k.a. Michael Vick has been ordered to pay a Canadian bank $2.4 million dollars for defaulting on a loan.

The Royal Bank of Canada sued Mexico after he pled guilty to the dogfighting charge that eventually landed him in Leavenworth. The bank claimed the plea amounted to a default as laid out by the terms of the loan.

This is a bloody outrage. Another judge said Vick could keep his $20 million in bonuses earned from 2004-2007. That’s because the judge understood what freedom is all about. If you have money, you get to keep it.

Canada is just going to use that money to finance their end of the NAFTA superhighway which will ease Mexico’s eventual takeover of the US. It’s a c-o-n-spiracy.

I don’t know why Rev. Al’s wasting his time with Sean Bell. He needs to remember what the struggle’s about and put on that sweatsuit with some fat chains. Get your Tawana-lovin’, permed ass to Kansas. America and Mexico need saving.

Don’t be surprised if you see Atlanta Falcons owner Arthur Blank roaming the aisles of your local Home Depot mumbling, “I can’t quit you, Ron” while huffing glue like a Brazilian street kid. What other reason could he have for talking about the redemption of Michael Vick?

Blank spoke with the Atlanta Journal-Constitution’s Steve Wyche in an interview about the state of the Falcons. He admitted that he has been in touch with Vick and that they have written each other several times.

Q: Have you been in touch with Michael Vick?

A: Michael has written a couple times. I’ve written him back. We have that kind of relationship. Despite the mixture of frustration, anger and disappointment in him, I believe in second chances and redemption. I would love to see Michael pay his debt to society and come out and play again in the NFL. I think he could also be a big help to … speak to people about some of his choices.

Q: Would you welcome him back to the Falcons?

A: I would not say yes. I would not say no. At this point, Michael is in a federal penitentiary [on a dogfighting conviction] and is suspended from football. We have to move forward. We are moving forward. We have to assume he’s not coming back. I do wish him well. I’d love to see him play again. It would be good for the NFL.

Of course Vick should get another chance in the NFL once he’s served his sentence however one has to question the possibility of Vick returning to the Falcons. The Falcons’ acceptance of him would almost be equivalent to the battered wife taking back the abusive husband. He had plenty of chances and burned the team at every turn. The team is a wreck in large part because of him. Let’s also give Bobby Petrino his props.

The Falcons need to make a clean break and start fresh. Let some other team like the Bengals make Vick their redemption project. We can’t imagine Blank would seriously consider taking him back but someone might want to check the glue stock in case.

Since Pope Benedict XVI has decided to come up with seven new sins out of freakin thin air, I think its only fair that someone should come up with a set of Seven Deadly Sins specifically geared towards the world of sport. Here goes nothin’ and may God have mercy on my soul:

1) Thou shall not get caught using performance enhancing drugs.
– See, its ok to use them, its ok to give them to your teammates, its ok to shoot them in other’s rear ends, its even ok that you sell them and supplement your already hefty income that was unjustly given to you because you aren’t naturally that good…just do not get caught doing any of it. Its the ultimate don’t ask, don’t tell, don’t get caught. Don’t get caught, and you’re a hero like Albert Pujols, not sayin’ just sayin. Get caught and you’re vilified…unless you’re Shawne Merriman.

2) Thou shall not get caught cheating
- Ok, so everyone cheats in sport. To paraphrase the famous quote is if you aren’t cheating you aren’t trying to win. If you get caught cheating however, you are found breaking the sin and of course the torches start getting lit and you begin a slow march towards execution.

3) Thou shall not create a rap/rock/blues/jazz/etc. album
- You are an athlete. You are not a musician. No one cares that you think you have talent besides playing a game. You don’t. Stop trying or you shall be mocked and ridiculed for all of eternity.

4) Thou shall use prophylactics when engaging in sexual behavior.
- For this, its ok to be a womanizer, it’s your birthright as the ultimate alpha-male, just do it right and don’t spread your seed. For every Shawn Kemp, Travis Henry (not his actual kids in the picture…least he doesn’t think they are) or Elijah Dukes that is spat on there’s a Wilt Chamberlain who does it right and is praised for it. Don’t be a dork, cover your pork.

5) Thou shall not get caught harming animals for fun.
- No one knows this rule better than Michael Vick, Tripp Isenhour, Pedro Martinez or Qyntel Woods. Pedro gets a bit of a pass because he did it in a country where its legal, but pretty much any athlete who does anything cruel to an animal meets a pretty unfortunate sports demise. The Lord looks down on those who harm the lesser species. We’ll see what happens with Pedro this season.

6) Thou shall not get caught gambling.
- Tim Donaghy, Pete Rose, Wayne Gretzky’s wife, Michael Jordan’s mysterious retirement for baseball all have some ties to gambling and all have never be the same. The easy solution is to wait til you’re out of sport like Charles Barkley here to publicly gamble away all your money. People find that kind of gambling far more light hearted, but if you do it while you’re active in sport you shall have a pall cast upon you…and you might get forced to run a team in Charlotte named after a guy called Bob for all of eternity.

7) Thou shall not beat on your lady, get caught, arrested, and have a mugshot taken like this
- Sports, by their nature, are very aggressive. It takes an aggressive person to participate at the highest of levels of sport. The problem some have is leaving that aggression on the field or court of play. Those who choose not to will forever be branded WIFE-BEATER and those scarlet 2 words will follow you until your death…Jason Kidd.

Everyone knows Michael Vick left Virginia on Monday and headed out to Leavenworth Prison in Kansas to carry out his drug treatment program. Did you know, however, that he is not the first NFL player to be incarcerated in Leavenworth? Let us go into the wayback machine and remember the infamous Bam Morris.

Byron “Bam” Morris had numerous scrapes with the law, but the biggest was in 2000 when Bam pleaded guilty to federal drug trafficking. He admitted attempting to distribute more than 220 pounds of marijuana in the Kansas City area between Jan. 1, 1998, and May 10, 2000. He was sent to Leavenworth and served his sentence, being released two years later, but those two years were no picnic in federal “pound you in the ass” prison says Bam,

“The federal is like a Cadillac where you have televisions, phones, air conditioning,” said Morris. “You watch movies on the weekends. The only thing you are missing is your freedom. You have longer visiting hours.”

But another fact of life in prison was that Morris was a target because he was a celebrity.

“I had guys wanting to fight me. I had to fight,” said Morris. “People wanted to fight me because I was an ex-football player. They told me I lost them money in the Super Bowl. They were fighting me over that. Others told me how stupid I was. I always had to defend myself.”

Boy, Vick might want to watch out, there have to be a ton of people in the prison that lost a lot of money on him over the years. I know i lost a few bucks on that poor excuse for a quarterback. Anyway, after Leavenworth Bam was convicted of violating his parole of a previous plea bargain in Texas and was sent to jail again, getting released in 2004.

But who says there are no second chances after Leavenworth? According to Bam’s Wikipedia page,

“In January of 2006, Morris was signed by the Orlando Predators of the Arena Football League. The NFL reinstated his eligibility as a player on January 13, 2006. Morris quit Predators training camp the following day stating that he hoped to win a contract with an NFL team. A mere two months later, on March 9, 2006, Morris signed with the Katy Copperheads of the National Indoor Football League.”

So see, it might not be too long before we see Vick follow in Bam’s footsteps and, at the very least, play some fun Arena ball…just as long as he doesn’t get the crap kicked out of him in jail.

A poll was conducted recently that set out to find which NFL team has the highest percentage of female fans. The surprising results were:

1. Steelers
2. Packers
3. Bills
4. Bengals
5. Chiefs
6. Jacksonville
7. Ravens/Patriots
9. Broncos/Buccaneers/Redskins

Strangely enough Favre or Brady weren’t enough to get either of their teams into first place. The only answer for the Steelers being on top MUST be the ultra-manly Steely McBeam. I mean they have twice the amount of female fans than the league average! Steely, you hunk of blue collar man meat, the women love you.

I really must wonder why the Bills are in the top three of the NFL? Why is anyone a fan of that team, let alone fan enough to place them in the top 3 of teams that females root for? Just doesn’t make sense. What does make sense and not at all surprising is that the Falcons didn’t make the top 10. Michael Vick’s troubles add yet another blow to the team’s fan quotient. It is awesome that the Dallas Cowboys were nowhere to be found in the top 10…my conclusion is that since most women do not root for Dallas, women are smarter than all Dallas fans…or find Jerry Jones to be just as smarmy as I do.

From SI.com