Friday, July 9th, 2010 at
So, as you all probably know by now, LeBron James going to play for the Miami Heat for the foreseeable future. You probably heard this information any one or more of these ways: live on ESPN during an hour long broadcast titled “The Decision” where LeBron sat with Jim Gray to discuss where he was going to play next year, on ESPN.com’s Lebron James web page the “LeBron Tracker”, on Twitter where currently James is trending in the top 5, in the news where according to Google he is the number 1 and 3 trending search term currently, on your local news, on the radio…basically, LeBron James is everywhere.
As a matter of fact, LeBron James news has been around so much lately that I won’t know what to do anymore without the LeBron James speculation and news. That hour long ESPN self promoting television special James did should really just be the pilot episode to the rest of LeBron’s life on televison for us all to watch.
It took a month for him to figure out where he was going and he brought us all along for the ride. Imagine how long it is going to take for him to find a house to live in down in Miami? Can you imagine the speculation? The drama? Somebody call TLC or HGTV because I think I found them a freaking gold mine. Who cares about Property Virgins when you can spend the next two months figuring out which tony neighborhood The King is going to move into down in Florida?? I NEED TO KNOW MORE! CHAD FORD ENLIGHTEN ME AS TO THE PROPERTY TAXES OF THE LOCALITIES IN WHICH LEBRON MIGHT POSSIBLY HAVE AN INCLINATION TO MOVE INTO!
I want to see how long it takes him to decide what he is going to eat for breakfast. I want the cameras there documenting his every move from waking up to brushing his teeth to putting on goddamned deodorant until we all finally know whether or not it will be Captain Crunch or Coco Puffs for cereal this morning. The whole time, I want, nay, i NEED Michael Wilbon commentating that he thinks that Frankenberry might have an outside chance to pull off an upset at being in his bowl today. THIS INFORMATION WILL MAKE ME WHOLE AS A HUMAN BEING!!!
If ESPN can devote an hour of its valuable news broadcasting time to “The Chosen One” then why not just give us a whole channel of it? OBVIOUSLY this is what the fans of the NBA want and need. After the World Cup ESPN 3 won’t be used online anymore, just like it was never used when it was ESPN 360, so why not just make it ESPN-LeBron and give us what we deserve. ALL LEBRON ALL THE TIME! This just makes sense.
We have a hole in our lives now and only LeBron can fill it.
Tuesday, December 1st, 2009 at
Our boy, ‘Toine Walker finally got a plan together to pay back the various casinos that he owes over $770k because he failed to pay back a bunch of casino markers. With fines and restitution added, Walker has to pay up to the tune of just over $900,000. Ouch! That’s gotta be tough for a man with no job. He must pony up about $13,000 a month minimum at first and if he ever gets a basketball gig in the NBA or Europe he must pay a minimum of just over $21,000 a month. Double ouch! To use Antoine’s words:
“I’ve made some mistakes with some finances,
With the luck that Iverson has had finding a job this year, I’m sure that ‘Toine will have no problem getting a job. Everyone wants a me first, shoot first, out of shape, 33 year old forward on their roster. Well, maybe not here, but Europe might be calling, I mean he averaged 8.5 ppg last year in the NBA, that is like at least 13ppg there in Europe easy.
He’d better get a job quick because the judge in this case, Melanie Andress-Tobiasson (right), apparently has no tolerance for any sort of shenanigans with his payments:
“I can tell you at the point he stops making payments, I will bind him up so fast it’ll make your head spin,”
Or, maybe she’s just kinky like that?
From the Providence Journal
Friday, July 17th, 2009 at
Antoine Walker and Charles Barkley might have more in common than we think. Once thing we do know, besides their propensity to drive while under the influence, is that they both like to borrow insane amounts of money from casinos…and don’t give a damn about paying that debt back on time. Walker was arrested yesterday at a Harrah’s casino in Lake Tahoe yesterday for failing to pay back his markers by writing a string of bad checks to casinos…$1 million worth to be exact. Yea, that would make it a felony.
See, the thing about Chuck is, he had the money, he just took his sweet time to pay it back. Antoine apparently doesn’t. This is a particularly stunning assumption since he has made about $100 million just in his NBA salaries alone. His spending might have set a new record in blowing through one’s cash. I mean, unless you are Montgomery Brewster you have zero reason to burn your money that fast. None. One thing is certain however, Antoine Walker is the single worst gambler on the planet. Bar none. What on earth was he playing in there? Some bullshit Pai Gow Poker, War or some other crazy carnival game? Seriously, where were those 1-800-GAMBLER commercials when he needed them.
In any event, we might have a new title belt holder in the “Dumbest NBA Player” championships. Wait, I might’ve just thought of a new series on the Deuce. Thanks ‘Toine…you stupid bastard.
From Miami Herald
Monday, September 29th, 2008 at
Goodnight, White Chocolate. We’ll miss the highly erratic, frustrating yet fascinating play from your early career as well as your love and appreciation of the Asian persuasion.
Friday, July 11th, 2008 at
If the NBA was run like a fantasy league, both trades involving Kwame Brown would have been vetoed by every team in the league and the person who owned him would be subjected to a Zimbabwe level of abuse for attempting such a thing. However this is real life and apparently anything like lopsided Kwame Brown trades fly in the NBA.
The Miami Herald reports that the Heat could be interested in acquiring Brown as a free agent. They could offer him a bucket of shrimp that’s been sitting on Collins Ave for three weeks but they would probably have better luck offering him some French dressing.
Brown must have pictures of Pat Riley in a compromising position. Why else would the Heat be interested in signing him? Agent Mark Bertelstein claims to have talked to the Heat about Brown (who is his client) as well as Jannero Pargo and Roger Mason who recently signed with the Spurs. Maybe Brown is being offered as part of a package deal for Pargo. Maybe the Heat could have sign Brown just so he can get with Star Jones. It’s probably easier for Dwyane Wade to refocus and get back to being good if her crab ass isn’t around. I’m going with that theory.