The guys at Maxim.com created a nifty graphic of what it “Big Papi” David Ortiz’ email inbox would possibly look like right now. I love the Amazon order of Tom Emanski’s book. Classic.

From Maxim.com

Manny can’t let go. It’s that or the New York Post and Yankee fans are so desperate that they’re willing to create any scenario to make the team better now that Pinstripe Jesus is on the DL.

The Post claims that Manny has no intention of staying in LA after the season. He wants to sign with the Yankees just so he can play the Red Sox and stick it to them. He did go to George Washington High in Washington Heights so there is some connection however it’s unlikely that his high school is what would pull him back to New York.

Agent Scott Boras is probably going through several pairs of underwear thinking of the fee he can pull down for himself if he can work a deal between the Yankees and Manny. A bidding war between the Yankees and LA would suit him just fine. Dodger fans should enjoy Manny while he’s around but they might not want to get too attached to him this season.

It just won’t end. Everything was finally wrapped up. Manny’s in LA and Brett’s in New York. We could all go back to our regular programming but Bud Selig had to show up a day late and a dollar short so he could start poking around like a pig searching for truffles with no sense of smell. Of course it would be a kosher pig. I’m no Mel Gibson.

Dan Shaughnessy writes that Bud has ordered his minion Rob Manfred to investigate the circumstances surrounding Manny’s trade to the Dodgers last week. You’ve probably blocked it out already but we’ll refresh your recollection. Red Sox had option on Manny for 2009 and 2010. Manny want free agent. Boras no make money on Manny unless new contract. Manny and Boras want out. Manny stop trying. Red Sox angry. Red Sox trade to Dodgers. Boras allegedly call Red Sox saying they no want trade. News comes out about call. Boras deny deny deny. Red Sox say nothing.

It’s not clear what Selig wants Manfred to find out or what he would do with the information. Even if things went down as reported, what would he do? Same thing he always does. Nothing. Maybe he would just declare the trade a tie and declare a victory for fair play.

Andruw Jones can’t spell his name, hit or make the fans love him. He wishes he wasn’t such a dick earlier in the season now that Manny’s in town and everybody loves him.

“I keep my confidence on myself. I believe you make your own destination.” (Tu fallas.)

Remember all that talk from Manny about not caring where he was traded even if it was to Iraq? Yeah, check that. It was all a front.

The Boston Globe reported that Manny was trying to make some moves on the DL to keep himself in Boston while talking shit to the press about the team and his apathy towards his situation.

Of all the Manny moments in Boston, the last ranks as one of the most confounding. Within an hour after Red Sox general manager Theo Epstein informed Manny Ramírez he had been traded to the Los Angeles Dodgers Thursday, Ramírez’s agent, Scott Boras, called the Sox back, according to a source with direct knowledge of the negotiations. If the Sox dropped the option years on his contract – which they had agreed to do if they traded him – Boras said Ramírez would not be a problem the rest of the season.

For the Sox, the source said, Ramírez’s pledge of good behavior only served as a tacit admission that his disruptive conduct of the last couple of weeks had been calculated, and they had had good cause to suspect more was in the offing if they did not trade him. The Sox told him thanks but no thanks, what was done was done, and pack plenty of sunscreen.

It took a call from Boras for the Sawx to realize that Manny’s behavior was calculated? Maybe we give Boy Wonder and Stat Man too much credit. Of course his behavior was calculated. It appeared to be clear to everyone except Manny and Boras that enough was enough and he had to go. Did they think Epstein and Co. were bluffing during talks with Florida, Philly and other teams? Did he think that he would be allowed to walk at the end of the season as a free agent especially in light of his behavior? Jim Bowden would have let him walk for a rusty bucket of dicey clams and diabetes but there was small chance of Boston letting him get away for nothing.

The trade that resulted in the acquisition of Jason Bay from the Pirates seems to have gone over well in the clubhouse.

David Ortiz: “Things got to the point where they had to do something – and they did. They’re happy, Manny’s happy. I’m going to miss my man, I’m not going to lie to you, but we’re looking forward. The team needed it.”

Jason Varitek: “Things escalated to degrees where something had to be done either way. …Either way, I think it’s a relief that there’s closure to something that’s been going on for the last week or 10 days. I’m just relieved there’s an actual solution, which there was going to be, regardless, on this day.”

Jonathan Papelbon: “From the front-office standpoint, I feel like this did have to happen. Sometimes you make decisions, regardless of whether you got a worse player or better player out of that deal – it makes your team as a whole better. I think that’s what their decisions was based on, that feeling of camaraderie and 25 guys playing for the same goal.”

Mike Lowell: “I think (Ramirez’ constant griping) had a big impact on people in upper management because there are important decisions to be made in the next couple of years.”

Let’s see how Joe Torre and Sawx West deals with his antics when they start. I suspect he’ll have a much shorter leash.

** Expected Denial Update ** – Boras called the report “completely inaccurate”. “’I never called them back (after the trade).’”

While Boras declined to address specifics, he did acknowledge the Red Sox and Ramirez discussed an array of solutions before the three-way deal that brought Jason Bay to Boston. One source confirmed the possible outcomes included Ramirez remaining with the club if the Sox formally declined to exercise the player’s $ 20 million option for 2009 following this season, an alternative organization decided against largely because it deemed the player untrustworthy.

I assume Boras meant he brought up the option and the team laughed until they pissed themselves.