Somebody call Deputy U.S. Marshal Gerard. You know how I know Dr. Richard Kimble was guilty of killing his wife? No innocent man would have throw the first pitch into the ground on Jackie Robinson Day at Dodger Stadium. That throw has wife killer written all over it.
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Tommy Lasorda better get ready to assume the position pictured above. If San Francisco County Supervisor Michela Alioto-Pier gets her way, Lasorda will be bounced out of his position as Grand Marshal of the San Francisco Italian-American Parade.
Alioto-Pier wants a “local Italian-American” like Joe Montana or Barry Zito to have the honor of leading the parade.
“We can’t have Tommy Lasorda come to San Francisco for the Italian American parade,” she told the [San Francisco Chronicle]. “He’s like enemy No. 1 right now. If you don’t think this is important, you should move to L.A.”
Now that’s reppin’ your hood. However I’m not sure Barry Zito is the right move unless he’s on a float honoring massive wastes of money. That’s about as worthwhile as a float of when Tony saw Angela in the shower on Who’s The Boss. Who does more damage to the Giants? Lasorda or Zito. Zito’s enemy #1 by a long shot. Perhaps he should sleep with the sharks in the bay. An Italian problem deserves an Italian response.
Perhaps surprisingly, many readers choosing to comment on the story enthusiastically backed Lasorda. “Want a great meal in North Beach? Ask Tommy where to go, not Alioto dash blankyblank,” wrote one. Penned another: “Tommy Lasorda is all about being Italian and enjoying great food. Zito will be booed and Montana would never come.”
Low expectation having muthafuckas. How about Tony Siragusa as a compromise? He may not live in the Bay area but he did try to take Rich Gannon’s head off in a playoff game. The Raiders play in the Bay Area. San Francisco’s in the Bay Area. Three degrees of separation. No problem. Do it.
If you’re going to impersonate someone at their place of employment, it’s probably good to pick a place where the employees aren’t recognizable. Someone should given Ronald Higgins that nugget before he decided to steal a Dodgers uniform at Dodger Stadium and impersonate a player.
Higgins was nailed after being seen on the field “holding a glove with two balls”. Take that as you will.
Higgins allegedly identified himself as a Dodgers player, but the guard recognized him from an earlier incident and called police.
Prosecutors say Higgins’ clothes were later found in the bat boys’ locker room. It was not immediately clear where he got the uniform.
Several things. First, I hope he really identified himself as “Dodgers Player” when asked about his identity.
“Hey what the hell are you doing? Who are you?”
“Why I’m Mann … I mean Dodgers Player. I just got called up from … from … um the Pasadena 405s. Yeah that’s it.”
Second, what the hell were his clothes doing in the bat boys’ locker room? Did he get his uniform from there? Did he try to squeeze into a small uniform that said Batboy on the back? “Oh my full name is Dodgers Player Batboy. I seem to have had an overnight growth spurt.”
Maybe we shouldn’t be too hard on Higgins. He’s more harmless than that crazy guy who jacks subway trains and buses. If he was impersonating a Mets player, Jerry Manuel would probably throw him in the bullpen. He’d probably have a higher batting average than Andruw Jones. He’d definitely cost less. He should go to DC and impersonate a Nats player. They need all the help they can get.
The Post claims that Manny has no intention of staying in LA after the season. He wants to sign with the Yankees just so he can play the Red Sox and stick it to them. He did go to George Washington High in Washington Heights so there is some connection however it’s unlikely that his high school is what would pull him back to New York.
Agent Scott Boras is probably going through several pairs of underwear thinking of the fee he can pull down for himself if he can work a deal between the Yankees and Manny. A bidding war between the Yankees and LA would suit him just fine. Dodger fans should enjoy Manny while he’s around but they might not want to get too attached to him this season.
It just won’t end. Everything was finally wrapped up. Manny’s in LA and Brett’s in New York. We could all go back to our regular programming but Bud Selig had to show up a day late and a dollar short so he could start poking around like a pig searching for truffles with no sense of smell. Of course it would be a kosher pig. I’m no Mel Gibson.
Dan Shaughnessy writes that Bud has ordered his minion Rob Manfred to investigate the circumstances surrounding Manny’s trade to the Dodgers last week. You’ve probably blocked it out already but we’ll refresh your recollection. Red Sox had option on Manny for 2009 and 2010. Manny want free agent. Boras no make money on Manny unless new contract. Manny and Boras want out. Manny stop trying. Red Sox angry. Red Sox trade to Dodgers. Boras allegedly call Red Sox saying they no want trade. News comes out about call. Boras deny deny deny. Red Sox say nothing.
It’s not clear what Selig wants Manfred to find out or what he would do with the information. Even if things went down as reported, what would he do? Same thing he always does. Nothing. Maybe he would just declare the trade a tie and declare a victory for fair play.