Guess who Liverpool fans are blaming for their inability to win the league for 19 years. Nelson Mandela.

If it’s the Champions League, it’s burglarin’ time in Liverpool. Another Liverpool player was robbed while the team was on CL duty. Come on down, Lucas Leiva! You’re the ninth Liverpool player to be robbed by your own fans!

The Brazil international was relieved of some jewelery and “some very distinctive football and sports memorabilia”. It’ll probably end up on EBay soon so he should be able to buy it back at an inflated price if the coppers don’t find it first. They might want to start with the Beckhams’ hired help.

Just wait until some Liverpool player comes home from a Champions League match and finds his whole house missing. Scousers don’t mess around when it comes to robbin’ and stealin’. Oh yeah, they’re also great at unemployment. Hah! I’ll be here all week. Don’t forget to tip your waitress.

What the hell is going on in Philadelphia? Eagles fans have always been known for their class. Lack of it, that is. However they’ve rarely stooped to the level of a Scouser. It’s a known known that when you sign for Liverpool, you do so with the assumption that your house will be robbed by your fans. This usually happens during an important game. Either some Scousers stowed away to Philly or Eagles fans have taken it on themselves to emulate their idols.

Broderick Bunkley’s house was robbed while he was away at a preseason game in Pittsburgh. He came home to find his house “ransacked”. In addition to several gaming system, he had legal handguns and rifles stolen.

“Neighbors said Bunkley has always had a security system, and that he’s very friendly and polite…”

They also said he’s clean. What the hell does friendly and polite have to do with being robbed while you’re away? The Eagles might want to consider throwing the season (like they have a choice). The better they do, the more their homes will be robbed.

John Arne Riise might notice a new line on his next payslip. A handsome bonus from Chelsea Football Club.

Riise gifted Chelsea a last-minute own-goal in Tuesday’s Champions League semifinal match. He may have turned the tide in Chelsea’s favor for next week’s second leg at Stamford Bridge. Witness the glory that is Norway.

As comical as Riise may have been, former Liverpool player/coach Phil “Big Nose” Thompson’s reaction was just as priceless.

In the words of Homer Simpson, it works on so many levels.

We didn’t have a chance to speak on so-called Super Sunday with Manchester United vs. Liverpool and Arsenal vs. Chelsea yesterday. We’ll let the picture above do the talking about the first match as 10-man Liverpool were crushed 3-0 by United. Unsilent put the second match in five words yesterday. Chelsea made Easter tolerable by beating the Arse 2-1. The win put them five points off of leaders United while Arsenal dropped to third. If Chelsea lost, I would have spent the rest of the day thinking about the betrayal of 8 lb, 6 oz newborn baby Jesus by Bill Richardson.

Don’t think this changes our opinion of Avram Grant. Even a blind pig finds a truffle every now and then. Oh I don’t want to get in trouble. A blind, kosher pig. Whew…

Deadspin’s Dave Hirshey did touch on something else we couldn’t get to due to the sauced-up singing at Nevada Smiths and Central Bar as well as the man on Monday. Derby manager Paul Jewell.

Jewell took over Derby this season knowing he had an impossible task keeping them in the Premiership. He decided to go down fighting however no one thought he would lead by example.

News of the World has access to a sex tape made by Jewell of himself with a mistress. (Images may be NSFW although they are blurred out)

Jewell showing how he keeps his hoes in check by keeping his pimp hand strong.

NOTW describes an hour long bondage video made of Jewell and some lady who ain’t his wifey. He’s got some ‘splainin to do!

We could make the obligatory Spitzer comment about him not possibly being stupid enough to tape himself cheating but we don’t want to apologize down the road.

I just hope that one day me missus tells me to “fuck her in daylight on my car”. I’ll bang her up on my Trablant real nice.