Jackie Chiles Archives

Move The Goalposts. That’s A Suspendin’

First came performance enhancing drugs and then came Bloodgate. Both shocked the sporting world however no one involved in either scandal had the cheating balls shown by Swedish goalkeeper Kim Christensen on Thursday night.

The IFK Goteborg keeper is facing a fine and/or suspension for moving the goalposts closer to each other before a match against Orebo.

If you’re going to cheat, it’s probably best not to do it in front of TV cameras. The referee noticed after 20 minutes and moved them back to their original position. No card was given at the time as he didn’t know who moved them.

Christensen should also be commended for his honesty or stupidity depending how you look at it. He admitted that he had moved the goalposts in several previous matches. Someone should have hired Jackie Chiles before talking to the media.

You can get it, boy! Now gimme dat sweet ‘nilla lovin’!

When Isiah Thomas left the Knicks, Eddy Curry was but the learner. Now he could be the master of sexual harassment. When the big man tells you to take care of the kid, you better drop to those knees as David Kuchinsky found out.

Curry is being sued by Kuchinsky, his former driver, who claims that he is owed back pay and expenses. Oh he also claims that Curry tried to get some sex on the side too.

The stunning court papers claim Curry, a married father of three, repeatedly approached chauffeur David Kuchinsky “in the nude,” allegedly telling him, “Look at me, Dave, look” and “Come and touch it, Dave.”

Curry also made Kuchinsky perform “humiliating tasks outside the scope of his employment, such as cleaning up and removing dirty towels [Curry had ejaculated into] so that his wife would not see them,” the Manhattan federal court suit says.

“Ja, you will love it when you touch it.” It gets better. Add a few racial slurs and some Plaxico Burress/Jayson Williams gunplay and we’ve got ourselves a good old fashioned Knicks sexual harrassment party.

And in a disturbing episode reminiscent of some of the evidence in the manslaughter case against former Nets star Jayson Williams, Kuchinsky further claims in his suit that Curry pointed a “fully loaded” gun at him on at least two separate occasions to keep him from complaining about his treatment.

“Look, I have one in the chamber,” Curry allegedly said.

Sit your $5 ass down before I make change. That’s so Nino Brown. It’s not clear whether gun should be in quotes as well. Curry could have been talking about his “love gun” or the mayonnaise gun he keeps in a shoulder holster that compliments the Roy Rogers holster of fries he always keeps at his side.

Of course, nothing has been proven so we can’t assume Curry is guilty unlike Isiah who we all knew was guilty from the jump. For the record, he and his lawyer deny the allegations.

His lawyer, Kelly Saindon, denied all of Kuchinsky’s allegations, calling them “absolutely untrue,” and saying he began making a series of claims for unpaid wages several months ago, upping the ante each time.

Saindon said Curry took a chance on hiring Kuchinsky despite a criminal record that includes a three-year prison sentence for a 1992 burglary in New Jersey. He also got three years’ probation in a 2004 resisting-arrest case in the Garden State, records show.

These accusations seem like the actions of a motivated sexual harasser and that makes us skeptical. Curry is world-renowned for his laziness and it’s hard to believe he could get the energy to pursue his driver with such determination. He only works this hard at the Times Square Olive Garden when he’s testing the limits of the Never-Ending Pasta Bowl.

Kuchinsky’s lawyer, Matt Blit might want to be careful. Anucha Browne Sanders ended up settling for over $11 million. Kuchinsky is suing for what amounts to barely $100,000 dollars. He might end up settling for free coffee.