“I left Roma, and I left Real Madrid,” he said after Sampdoria’s 0-0 draw with Bari. “If people aren’t happy any more, then I can pack my bags here too. People here have got used to eating Nutella, and maybe every now and then they have to eat shit.”
“Go and wait for me in the big bed.” Silvio Berlusconi, Italy’s 72 year old corrupt clown of a prime minister and owner of AC Milan is quickly becoming one of our favorite people to follow. Berlusconi (or Papi as the hoes call him) is under fire for flying models and prostitutes in from all over Italy and throwing parties at his house. He’s also in trouble for taking an 18 year old girl to school in the biblical sense. He calls himself her “little daddy teacher”. Does his limo turn into a gelato truck at 2:30 PM or whenever Italian kids get out of school? That’s worse than robbing the cradle. That’s robbing the uterus.
Italian football has everything from Serie C players servicing Serie A players to massive match-fixing scandals. It’s the wild west of the big time. This latest story doesn’t rank up there with the most shocking. It’s more a WTF than anything else. Let’s meet Andrea Vasa.
Vasa, a defender for local Milan side Brera, has a new home. No big deal except he’s living in the front window of fashion designer Dirk Bikkemberg’s new “mega-boutique”. A free luxury pad for a player who toils six leagues below Serie A sounds too good to be true. Tom would say, “It’s a deal, it’s a steal, it’s the sale of the fucking century! Actually, Andrea, fuck it. I’ll keep it myself.”
There’s a big catch. Customers are allowed to call on Vasa at any time the store is open. They can go through his storage spaces which are filled with Bikkemberg products. He can’t decide who comes and goes no matter what he’s doing. Bikkemberg isn’t without empathy. He covered the shower with copies of Gazzetta dello Sport which is the sports newspaper of record in Italy.
Bikkemberg says Vasa will allow customers to “identify with a sporting personality”. That’s like saying customers in a store would be attracted by the opportunity to hang out with a semi-pro football player. I suppose now’s a good time to announce that I’m moving into the Conway across from Penn Station on 34th next week. Come identify with a semi-prominent sports blogger from open to close and buy some clothing that will probably bleed or come apart before you get home.
Golden Balls doesn’t think you’re like the rest, Milan. He wants to make this real. Why do you think he’s giving you that Blue Steel come hither look? Don’t look now but David Beckham’s people are in talks to keep him in Italy past the end of his loan deal. He’s on fire creating and scoring goals for AC Milan. England manager Fabio Capello has said that staying in Milan will only help his chances for the 2010 World Cup. It looks like he has a new lease on life. Why is he enjoying his time in Milan so much? It could be more than the football.
The BBC’s Chris Charles and The Sun point out a new ritual that’s a hit with Beckham and his AC Milan teammates. Bum smacking. They don’t cruise the town slapping unaware homeless people like mailboxes. They smack Beckham’s ass.
Smacking Beckham’s ass brings him luck. It works so well that he’s given the team official permission to keep smacking that ass like it don’t quit.
Clarence Seedorf and Andrea Pirlo were seen playfully smacking his backside after he scored against Bologna.And Kaka did the same as Becks notched his second goal in a 1-1 draw against Genoa last night.
Becks said: We laughed and shared a joke about it among the squad.
I hadn’t even realised Clarence had touched my backside but I’ll be happy if he does it again — because it will mean I’ve scored another goal.
So he’s formally got my permission to touch it again.
Wait until Posh hears about this. That mystery Serie C player who gives it up to all the Serie A boys in the yard must be licking his chops for a chance at that ass. Get in line, playboy.
Review of the Week [BBC Sport]
Becks: I Love Bum Smacks [The Sun]
