Don’t believe him? Ask the Rolex-wearing Pope. Apparently Cantona gave it to him like an altar boy. Payback’s a bitch, your eminence.

You might remember Manchester United’s Eric “Ooh Aah” Cantona from such incidents as the infamous kung fu kick where he rushed into the crowd and dropkicked a Crystal Palace supporter in 1995.

Well 10 years later, people including two Dieters posing as journalists hadn’t forgiven Cantona for his actions. Let’s say he didn’t take it too well.

Ellis Lanksdale was doing something. Whatever it was, it didn’t involve reading. He might want to consider investing in a Steve Tasker helmet before the regular season starts.