Barry Bonds isn’t too radioactive for everyone. He’s still good enough to drop Canadian Whitetail and sell guns for Christensen Arms which specializes in carbon barreled rifles. The company has also been “a bright star in the onslaught of outdoor television programming”. Rifles will certainly help with any onslaught.
I don’t get the big deal about hunting but I’ve never done it. Bonds says the hunt “gets his blood pumping”. I know what else gets his blood pumping. Poetry. He hearts it. What did you think I was going to say?
When a federal grand jury in San Francisco indicted Bonds last year on perjury and obstruction of justice charges for allegedly lying about steroids use, Bonds wasn’t around – he was off hunting in Colorado.
Hopefully we’ll get footage of him doing some big game hunting in Africa. Maybe I should approach Christensen with my idea for big game skeet shooting. Imagine being in Tanganyika or Rhodesia and shooting at elephants, rhinos and other large mammals shot out of a cannon while yelling “Pull!” and wearing a pith helmet. It doesn’t get much better than that, old man.
Deer Camp, a musical comedy about hunting, debuted last Wednesday at the Lowry Theatre in St. Paul…wait, let me say that again, a musical comedy?? Oh those wacky Minnesotans. Now that I think about it, I can’t think of anything that brings to mind musical comedy more than 4 men in the woods, in a cabin, on a cold autumn weekend with their guns. Yeah, ok here’s the writeup:
This laugh-out-loud musical follows the guys from Elmwood, MN on their annual hunting trip to deer camp where they do anything but hunt!
But this year is different; after 15 years of coming home with nothing but a hangover, the guys are under a threat from their wives to “get a deer or else.”
That means no more hunting trips if they come back empty handed again.
Wow that sounds like a laugh a minute to me! Think of all the fart jokes, the fun pranks they do when one passes out from too much booze, the shootings in the ass, the cornhole on the lawn, the unruly matches of euchre, the games of hide the sausage, trying not to get stabbed by the antlers…and I can go on with this. It all sounds like they might’ve found the sequel to Brokeback Mountain, “Brokeback Mountain 2: Deer Camp“. This play is FULL of possibilities! How this hasn’t garnered a national run is beyond me.
Lord knows that Broadway has run out of ideas, maybe this is the kind of out of the box thinking they need to bring some life to the theatre district…or not at all.
Don’t accuse Republicans of not caring about the little man. Congressman Duncan Hunter wants to feed some starving refugees but the State Department is cockblocking him.
Hunter’s heart ached when he heard about the plight of the refugees from Darfur who were forced to flee to Chad by the big bad Janjaweed. He was determined to do something about it so he got on the horn to the American embassy in N’Djamena and asked if he could come over and feed the refugees. After being told he couldn’t hunt Africans Surviving The Game style in order to feed them to other Africans, he asked if he could hunt wildebeest and serve them to the refugees.
The response from Main State:
The embassy “welcomes Congressman Hunter’s interest in food assistance to Darfur refugees in Chad. Given the significant” U.S. aid in the world program, the embassy “would encourage the congressman to time his visit to coincide with an already scheduled food distribution.”
The embassy will “make the necessary arrangements for” Hunter to watch a food distribution in a camp.
“Regarding the Congressman’s desire to hunt wildebeest and distribute the cured meat to refugees, wildebeest are not present in Chad.”
“The Government of Chad does not permit the hunting of large mammals.”
Never mind the fact that the wildebeest population is decreasing at a rapid rate due to poaching.
The gentleman from California was not having that. He decided to “look at commercial hunting expeditions in Kenya, Tanzania and southern Africa”. The refugees should blame the State Department for their malnutrition.
A chimp sidekick would give the congressman carte blanche to shoot some white rhinos and silverbacks. He might want to consider this as he chooses his destination.
A new law in Illinois forces “deadbeat dads” to pay their child support or else they cannot buy new hunting or fishing licenses. Apparently you just dont mess with a man’s hunting license. One man paid $14,000 to his baby mama just so he didn’t have to give up his favorite sport…thus making his hunting and fishing license the most expensive ever. The state so far has collected over $100,000 in child support payments through this program which really seems to work despite the deadbeat dads really not liking this turn of events:
[One deadbeat dad] isn’t happy about the turn of events, claiming the way the state works now, they’re in control of way too many things.
This is a pretty smart way to get those jackasses to pay what they should’ve been paying in the first place. If a guy is intent on not paying his child support he can get away with it pretty easy, might as well go after him where it really hurts. I wonder what else this can be extended to?
