It’s official. Chilean football has turned into a Simpsons gag. It’s probably too soon to reference Nordberg. The last thing we need is Fred Goldman on our ass for royalties. There’s no way I’m selling Chimp up the river for anything less than a night in the David Carradine Suite at the Bangkok Hilton.

Universidad de Chile striker Juan Manuel Olivera was knocked out cold during a match against O’Higgins** last week. Start at :38.

John Terry wasn’t impressed until he learned that Olivera was taken away by an ambulance that pulled a Homer Simpson and got into an accident with another vehicle. He regained consciousness on the way to the hospital but had to wait two hours for a replacement ambulance. At least the U de Chile team doctor had his back.

“It was a tragicomic situation,” team doctor Patrico Delgado told Radio Cooperativa.

It’s good to know Chilean replacement ambulances work on the same schedule as replacement Chinatown buses. They probably have the same homeless person/piss smell as Eastern buses. Hopefully Olivera got a 40 and some rest stop Burger Rey while he was swallowing his tongue and waiting for “help”.

John Arne Riise might notice a new line on his next payslip. A handsome bonus from Chelsea Football Club.

Riise gifted Chelsea a last-minute own-goal in Tuesday’s Champions League semifinal match. He may have turned the tide in Chelsea’s favor for next week’s second leg at Stamford Bridge. Witness the glory that is Norway.

As comical as Riise may have been, former Liverpool player/coach Phil “Big Nose” Thompson’s reaction was just as priceless.

In the words of Homer Simpson, it works on so many levels.

What do you think of when you think of Alabama coach Nick Saban? Honor? Integrity? Accountability? Yeah me too.

Alabama is investigating itself for potential violations of NCAA rules governing the distribution of free textbooks to athletes. “Student-athletes” are not supposed to receive more textbooks than are required for their coursework.

Alabama starting offensive linemen Antoine Caldwell and Marlon Davis, tailback Glen Coffee and defensive backs Marquis Johnson and Chris Rogers were suspended for Alabama’s 41-17 victory over Tennessee on Saturday. University officials said the suspensions involved impermissible receipt of textbooks.

Saban responded by saying that the players used “poor judgment”. However he didn’t stop there.

Head coach Nick Saban said Monday the players used “poor judgment,” but that the university’s textbook distribution system for athletes also failed the players.

“No one at the university wants me to say it, but it’s true,” Saban said in a speech to the Monday Morning Quarterback Club.

“We had some guys use poor judgment in how they did it,” Saban said. “Now, the NCAA might see it as an extra benefit. We saw it, we reported it. But the system failed the players, too. If we call a bad play and it doesn’t work, we’re responsible.”

Way to pass the buck, Saban. Those textbooks are as tempting as an Alabama sorority girl on her knees. If they keep giving, the players will keep taking. “Give it to me, mandingo! I hope my dad doesn’t find out!” It’s not fair of people to keep offering them cars, clothes, money, hoes and biochemistry textbooks.

The Alabama case is similar to a case involving Ball State which was placed on two years probation for the same violations.

In the Ball State case, the NCAA said last week the infractions involved 89 athletes in 10 sports from the spring semester of 2003 to the end of the 2004-05 school year. The athletes obtained $26,944 in books for classes in which they weren’t enrolled and, in some cases, got more than one copy of a book, which they gave to others, the NCAA said.

I guess we can’t blame Saban. It’s not like he knows anything about taking responsibility for one’s actions. Rubble rubble!