Germany Archives

Is Next. Bundesliga Wear … Very Nice

I remember watching Moscow on the Hudson when I was younger and thinking that every Warsaw Pact country resembled movie Moscow with no choices and long lines. I also thought smoke stacks filled the skylines and everything was in black and white. Good job, American propaganda but guess what. We were wrong.

The West, especially Wendy’s, owes the former Eastern Bloc a big apology. Who knew they were trying to prevent infiltration by things such as this disastrous union of soccer, fashion and 70s Germans?

Don’t try to tell me goofballs weren’t involved in this vomitorium of color and bad haircuts. If I were a Communist leader, I too would feel it my duty to never allow such nonsense into my country even at the cost of my people’s freedom. You shame Erick Honecker and Ceausescu now but that’s only because you don’t see the big picture like they did.

Wake Up, Volk

August is one of the greatest months in the sporting calendar for someone like me. Football training camps are in full effect and the European soccer season finally begins. No longer do I have to dabble in lesser leagues and sports.

The German Bundesliga has wasted no time in delivering quality blogging material. Here’s a quality facial courtesy of The Beautiful Game.

Look alive, jungen. Two birds with one stone. I think that’s exactly what they meant by that expression. I also think I think they’re rubbing ‘Tussin on her face at the end. Way to be an ubermensch, little girl.

Apes Don’t Read Philosophy


“If it wasn’t for us, you’d all be speaking German! Singing ‘Deutschland, Deutschland über alles…’”

The Swiss have always claimed to be neutral in international affairs and banking. They try to assuage our suspicions by inundating us with images of that slutty, foul temptress Swiss Miss. However they’ve finally overplayed their hand.

They may have gone a bit far in showing their loyalty by bringing back the good old days of the Third Reich. A Swiss television station ran the subtitles to the Nazi Germany anthem while playing the current German anthem before Germany played Austria in the Euro.

“It is an inexcusable error,” said an employee in charge of the subtitling service for the satation, SRG, though he added it was the fault of two young editors.

Perhaps they were just following orders, Herr Employee.

We Were All On Vacation!

Have you noticed an increasing nervousness over the past week? A feeling of impending doom that you couldn’t place? Don’t feel bad. You were just channeling Austrian terror. Ze Germans are back!

The last time the Germans went on holiday in Europe en masse, they took the Sudetenland and a world war started. This time, they were not so lucky. Over 200 Germans were arrested on Sunday following Germany’s 2-0 win over Poland in Euro 2008.

Many of the fans were chanting “Seig Heil” and other Nazi slogans. “Only about a dozen of those arrested were not German”. Israel has to be glad it didn’t qualify for the finals.

It’s good to see the Austrians step up this time as opposed to running and singing in the mountains or just giving up like the French. The Deuce is all about the cheap WWII joke. We’d say we’d be here all week but we can’t even promise that.

Ja! Check out the latest installment of Michael Ballack’s Secret Diary. It’s wunderbar.