“A German student “mooned” a group of Hell’s Angels and hurled a puppy at them before escaping on a stolen bulldozer.” As one does.

This is how it starts. First you get the children, then you get the Christmas then you get the power.

SOS-Kinderdorf, a German children’s charity, sent out 50,000 Christmas CDs to households all over the country. Imagine the dismay or delight when the families discovered that they received a mix of Hitler Youth jams instead of traditional Christmas carols.

Spokesman Roger Damm claimed the charity’s computers had been hacked by a far-right group. Yeah and my twitter account got hacked by the Black Israelites. Actually that’s a terrible example. The only thing they know how to hack is a racist shouting match in front of a subway entrance on Essex and Delancey.

The charity and producer filed a complaint for “incitement to hatred. I can only assume it’s against themselves. I blame Krampus*. Never change, Germany.

Frohe Weihnachten, mein Fuhrer!

*I had to go with Bourdain since YouTube has something against Taco. Either one is a win.

There was a guy we knew in Washington DC who was infamous for going to bars with expired credit cards, running up tabs and breaking out on them. It got to the point where no one wanted to be around him because you never knew when he was going to get thrown out, punched for saying something incredibly offensive or just act like a jackass. We knew it was going to happen. It was just a matter of when and how. He’s now a schoolteacher in a different state or so we heard. The less we know, the better. No one’s thinking about the children.

Dennis Rodman pulled the old drink and dash but it didn’t work out so well for him. He was arrested by German police after bailing on a $5100 hotel bill after playing an exhibition game. Game organizers agreed to pick up the bill for his hotel stay but didn’t agree to pay for the party he threw after the game which resulted in the outstanding bill.

The hotel manager called the police who tracked Rodman down in his limo and arrested him. He was detained until he paid the bill and an additional $2500 to prevent further legal proceedings. You mean I can break the law in Germany and just pay the cops off? Who knew the Germans were so lenient towards lawbreakers? I always thought The Netherlands was the place to commit crime. We had a plan to lure Maroon 5 and Nickelback to Amsterdam then bury them in a dike. Better amend the plan and have a go at it in Dusseldorf. Don’t worry. We have plenty of Deutsche Marks for all the coppers and prosecutors. Straight cash, homey.

Normally we’d have some sympathy for someone in Jens Lehmann’s position but he’s one of the biggest jackasses in European soccer.

It’s easy to expect the world when you’re a tennis and closet fucking champion. Everyone’s on your jock and wants your time and money. What woman wouldn’t want to make it forever with the former winner of three Grand Slam events? Meet Dutch model Lilly Kerssenberg.

Becker got a shock on German national television when Kerssenberg told him he couldn’t haz marriages. The couple broke up in 2007 and Becker proposed to another woman in 2008. He had a change of heart and decided that he wanted Kerssenberg back. According to Champions365.com, Becker didn’t ask for her hand. He told the viewers that he planned to marry Kerssenberg in June.

Some 9.7 million viewers in Germany watched the unexpected announcement on the show “You Bet ..?” in which both Becker, 41, and Kerssenberg, 32, were guests. Kerssenberg who was obviously moved by the gesture, then went on to say ‘no’ to a shocked Becker.

It shouldn’t be too long before Becker blames his engagement fail on the Russian mafia.