So, first Emmitt Smith did that “Just for Men” commercial highlighting (pun intended) his talents seen on “Dancing With the Stars.” I’m sure most of you have seen the commercial, hair dying, hospital gown, terrible acting and all but, just in case, here it is…
Now, the Chilhowee Dance and Permorming Arts Center is using Emmitt Smith to promote and encourage men to take and purchase dance lessons by pointing out that “Real Men Do Dance.” They point this out by going after their real target audience. The wives, brides to be, and daughters. Smart. Basically, they are giving women a talking point when selling dance lessons to the “husbands, grooms and fathers of the bride” in their lives by pointing out that these men will be “anxious to dance” because they saw Emmitt Smith having “so much fun” on Dancing With The Stars. See the blog and link to the Center here. http://http//www.merchantcircle.com/blogs/Chilhowee.Dance.And.Performing.Arts.Center.423-479-2123/2008/10/REAL-Men-Do-Dance-Just-ask-Warren-Sapp-Jerry-Rice-and-Emmitt-Smith-/131582
Let’s get something straight. I am sure most men would agree with me that the only way they can be encouraged to take dance lessons has nothing to do with pointing out Emmitt Smith had fun on a television show where sports stars dance alongside Tom Delay wearing animal prints and tight shiny pants. Especially since most men don’t dance like Hall of Fame running backs. Emmitt Smith: running back, dancer, beard dyer, and savior to brides who don’t want to look like idiots during their first dance? Yeah, I didn’t think so.
Ugh. Just what the world needed was another ass-clown athlete sharing their unfiltered, ungrateful, bullshit with the world. I am referring to Robert Henson, a LB for the Redskins who insulted his own fans on his twitter page calling them “dim-wits” and “fake-hearted Skins fans.” He then had the cajones to do this while bragging about how much money he makes “tweeting” that he makes more than them in a year and insulting those who dare work at McDonalds. What kind of star is this you ask? How many pro bowls has he attended? How many rings does he have? NONE! This ass-clown is a rookie who rides the bench and didn’t play a single second of the game that started his temper-tantrum in the first place! He was pissed the fans booed at the end of the Rams game when the Skins couldn’t score a single TD. Someone needs to school this dude and let him know that the Skins have the longest waiting list for season tickets in the NFL. He keeps opening his fat mouth and he’ll be the one working at McDonalds. Douchebag.
Secondly, I am in the elevator at work today talking to a co-worker about my horrible fantasy team. Some ass-clown stranger in the back of the elevator hears this and believes it is his duty to spew fantasy advice as if I am a damsel in distress. This would be fine and dandy if first, he wasn’t doing it because I am a chick and he felt the need to assume I don’t know what I’m talking about or, if second, he was actually giving me useful information. Here is the conversation that ensued:
Me: Yeah, I know I started Tom Brady at quarterback…no points there this week.
Ass-Clown: Who else is on your team?
Me: I list my players which include Joe Flacco and others
Ass-Clown: I say after Brady lights it up this weekend against my beloved Jets, you sell high on him and bring back a #1 WR and a #2 running back.
Me: (I don’t know whether or not tell him that his “beloved” Jets already won this game or to just laugh it off) Uhhh, yeah great idea…it would have been better if you gave me this advice last week though. (I figured I would just let him think on this a while).
You know what’s better than toast? Mo’ toast and that’s how I beat Larry Holm’, Dabe Robenfeld.
Leave it to the MLS to introduce sponsors on jerseys in the US. It may be common everywhere else in the world but the top four professional leagues have managed to avoid advertising on jerseys until now. The NFL voted to allow teams to place sponsor logos on their practice jerseys back in March. Expect a bukkake-style explosion of ads before long as most teams will do anything to make a buck.
Zero Tolerance Entertainment thinks it can make the Houston Texans bend over for “several zeros” and place the company logo on their practice jerseys. Good luck with that. Zero Tolerance is best … well, only known for porn. You can find all your favorites such as Jenna Haze, Courtney Cummz, Rebeca Linares and the almost legit Sasha Grey. We’re not even going to link to their website but don’t front like you don’t know the address already. Fine, here’s the NSFW link. We can’t begin to tell you how NSFW this link is unless you work for Vivid. I just ordered Popporn: The Guide to Making Fuck. It was a no-brainer once I heard Gene Shalit makes dirty mustache love to it.
It’s safe to say the offer is a non-starter. The company issued a press release stating as much.
“Every team in the league starts the season by saying, that they’ll have Zero Tolerance for losing,” the company said. “While our offer may not be taken seriously, there is some undeniable synergy between the NFL and the name of our company.”
Zero tolerance for what? Fun? Self-expression? The name seems more appropriate for the NFL than the company. We’ve seen plenty of Zero Tolerance offerings and it’s pretty clear their talent will tolerate almost anything.
The Texans should do themselves a favor and consider the offer. The synergy between the Texans and the company starts and stops with the Sex Cannon. This could be a partnership for the ages especially barely 18.
Hopefully you’re in a food coma or drinking yourself into Bolivian. We weren’t going to post anything until Monday but our visual palates need to be cleansed after that disaster of a halftime show imposed on us during the Seahawks-Cowboys game by the NFL. Blind rage barely begins to describe the feeling running through me as I watched a bunch of screaming girls cheer on the Jonas Brothers. This is how post office and factory shootings start. I couldn’t find the remote so I started hoping that my face would melt like Toht’s in Raiders of the Lost Ark. No such luck. I was left shaking my fist with impotent rage. Not that I’m impotent, ladies. I’m all man. Please believe me!
You, my friend, could use some fun after the unpleasantness. Big fun. This video brilliance should help you start coping with what took place this afternoon at Texas Stadium. Don’t forget it. Never forget it. Santayana was right. Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it. There are so many reasons why this video is amazing. Try Telly Savalas, smoking and Howard Cosell for starters.
For the hundredth time, someone needs to put us on to where we can get some Players Club cards.
It must suck to go home and talk to your damn weiner kids after work if you play for the Detroit Lions. Even the 1-15 Dolphins weren’t this much fun to watch last season. It’s not just the fact that the Lions are losing. Anyone can do that. They’re keeping it interesting. They’re giving teams points by running out of their end zone. Players are stealing other players’ luggage. The team is grabbing QBs as they walk by Ford Field. The Matt Millen effect is still at work.
Opposing teams are doing their part to remind the Lions how much they suck. They’re beating the shit out of them and they’re reinforcing the beatdowns with verbal reminders. It’s gotten so bad that Lions players have stopped fighting back.
“[The Jacksonville Jaguars] were cracking jokes,” Lions running back Kevin Smith said. “They thought we were a joke. They said we (weren’t good). They were saying that to me, that I (wasn’t good). And I told them they (weren’t good), too. And they said, ‘Well, not as bad as (you).’ And I said, ‘You’re right.’ (Because) we haven’t won one game.”
Someone hasn’t been pwned like that since Billy Madison pwned that kid for hating on Donkey Kong. “You know something? You suck!” Rod Marinelli might want to consider letting Daunte Culpepper play in the chinchilla coat. There’s something to be said for losing in style.
