Friday, June 27th, 2008 at
Something must have been lost in translation. Most parents who name their children after famous athletes generally stick to the first name of the respective athlete unlike those assclowns who named their kid ESPN. Who knows how many little Todds or Akilis are scampering around out there?
The Chinese are taking things to another level by naming their children after sporting events. More and more Chinese babies are being named Aoyun which means Olympic Games. “Super Bowl, where’s your brother UEFA Cup? Tell World Series of Poker to get his ass in here too!” Doesn’t really work.
Wednesday, August 15th, 2007 at
Tiger Tiger Woods y’all hates him some cripples. Either that or he hates golf carts. Either way, Casey Martin’s not playing a round at Tiger’s new golf course anytime soon.
Tiger is designing his first golf course in the mountains of North Carolina near Asheville. This comes on the heels of the first year of his successful golf tournament the Chocolate City Classic officially known as the AT&T National. The course named The Cliffs of North Carolina will not allow carts “which Woods said was key to the deal”.
The 31-year-old said he will gradually grow his design business, selecting projects that fit within his crowded schedule.
But he pledged to come to the site as often as necessary to get the job done right.
“As you know, I’m kind of a perfectionist,” Woods said.
Tiger should talk to his boy Michael Jordan about showing up to the job. Maybe he’d keep jobs longer and not draft donkeys like Kwame Brown and Adam Morrison. Then again, Morrison does have a sweet ass molestache.
Thursday, July 5th, 2007 at
If you’re like us, you’ve never wondered, “Hmm, I wonder where Marcus Fizer is now and what he’s doing.” You wonder about people like Christian Okoye, God Shammgod and Koko B. Ware. You know, heroes and legends. Not first-round busts who now find themselves playing for the New York Nationals or in Mongolia against a yeti.
You might remember that a massive black hole was created over the United Center when the Chicago Bulls drafted Fizer 4th in the 2000 NBA draft. The gravitational field only attracted suck and blow instead of everything as evidenced by the combination of Fizer and Tim Floyd. He left Chicago in ruins and proceeded to trash the NBDL, Spanish and Puerto Rican leagues like Isiah on the CBA. One might think the Security Council would have passed sanctions against him but as usual corruption, hesitation and the Russian/Chinese/French alliance have allowed him to run rampant.
Maccabi Tel Aviv, say hello to Marcus Fizer. You thought having Hamas and Hezbollah on your borders was bad. Now you have the temper tantrums and bad attitude of a fanatic combined with the born-again Christian stylings of Kirk Cameron. Threat level: Oy vey … ZING!
When asked to describe his game, he does not display any false modesty. “I can do everything. Play with my back to the basket, get rebounds, score from halfway out, and move the ball around. I also don’t have a problem taking shots from beyond the arc. I shoot from wherever God tells me to.”
Fizer also said that he would not have gone to Israel if he didn’t receive a NBA-type offer. In addition, he also said that no one from Maccabi spoke to him before he signed a contract. Haaretz suggested that the lack of communication could be due to the “sizable financial implications” or his troubled past. Yes. That’s it. That makes complete sense.
Now you can tell your family and friends that you know what happened to Marcus Fizer. We know it’s probably as lame and unsatisfying as Behind The Music: Huey Lewis and the News but here we are. However if this has inspired you and you want Fizer to give life lessons and show how you and your business can be successful, click here and call! I assume it’s brought to you by the Work At Home Institute.
P.S. Here’s what Huey’s up to these days. All I have to say is donkey punch.