In a page taken from the Uday Hussein handbook of how to motivate athletes, the Chinese National soccer team has made an oath to qualify for the World Cup or die. The players said to their country on Tuesday:
“I pledge to advance to the World Cup, which is the professional goal that we strive for. We swear by death to kill along the bloody road of defending the honour of the motherland and realise our youthful dreams.”
As added incentive, the China Football Association will pay the team eight million yuan (1.09 million dollars) if they qualified for the World Cup.
If China actually does qualify, thus saving the lives of its team members, it would be only the second time they have advanced to the World Cup, the first being in 2002 where they failed to get a point or even score a goal in their first round exit.
I wonder what FIFA has to say about this? Is this the standard for all other teams to follow, mass suicide or murder of entire teams that fail to meet their goals? The Deuce, for one, is intrigued by their passion and will be rooting for Australia, Iraq, or Qatar to knock the shit out of them in the qualifying rounds to see if they will actually follow through with their pledge. Yes, we’re sick, we know, but damn do we love drama.
We got more soccer news than you can shake a stick at so youse get another wrap-up. Oh happy day.
Bring Me The Head Of Gérard Depardieu
It never gets old. What’s that you ask? France losing. That’s money. France losing to Scotland twice. Priceless.
Scotland should demand the head of Nicholas Sarkozy, Bernard-Henri Lévy or Gérard Depardieu. At the least they should be awarded part of Alsace-Lorraine or at least a city like Toulouse or Nice. Imagine Nice being overrun by a bunch of pale, drunken Scots with beer gunts wanting to deep fry everything in sight. Let’s see Puffy try to keep them out of his White Party or off his rental yacht.
Video courtesy of RD
I See Rome, I see France, I see some Danes in….Goddamn Look At Them Titties!
Those Chinese will sure go to any end to make a buck or win. Whether it’s counterfeiting goods, leadin’ up your toys or stealing plays, they’ll make sure they win at any cost. Just ask the Danes.
The Danish World Cup women’s team have asked FIFA to investigate after some Chinese men were discovered filming a strategy session behind a mirror at their hotel in China. Men were also found to be taping a closed practice session two days later. Their first match was against China but I’m sure this is a coincidence. One big misunderstanding if you will.
There’s been no word on whether Bill Belichick lent his spying services to the Chinese. I’m guessing yes because they were so easy to find.
Oh yeah China won 3-2. Move along. Nothing to see here.
Second-rate Fight in First Class
Northern Ireland! You’ve just lost to Iceland and Latvia in little over a week. What are you going to do now? Turn on each other and fight on a plane? Well played.
NI winger Keith Gillespie attacked teammate George McCartney on a flight home from Iceland where they were defeated after Gillespie scored an own goal.
The winger rained punches on left back McCartney in front of shocked fellow passengers on the team’s flight back from their Euro 2008 defeat in Iceland … West Ham defender McCartney leapt from his seat to fight back as stunned team-mates struggled to separate the brawling pair.
One eyewitness to the Sheffield United winger’s furious attack said: “Gillespie looked like he hadn’t slept — he was red-eyed and carrying a bottle of water, but he was chatting quietly with David Healy as they got on the plane.
“Then, as he passed McCartney’s row on his way up the aisle, he said something and pointed in an accusing way towards McCartney, who was already seated minding his own business.
“McCartney said something like ‘Don’t point your finger at me’ while Healy was doing his best to hurry Gillespie, who was almost past McCartney but suddenly becoming quite agitated.
“Then it all kicked off. Gillespie turned and thumped McCartney in the face. He got straight up from his seat and they were grappling and throwing punches with Healy and Stuart Elliott trying to part them.
“It didn’t last that long and Healy was hustling Gillespie away up the aisle towards his own seat by the time that (assistant manager) Glynn Snodin came rushing down to see what all the commotion was.
Gillespie was dropped by former Newcastle striker Alan Shearer outside of a bar in Dublin. Maybe he figured he would get the jump this time. That’s when you kick some back.
Fergie Update!!
We first reported about a drunk who attacked Sir Alex Ferguson earlier this week. At the time, reports claimed that the man, Kevin Reynolds, kicked Fergie in the shins. Oh it’s much better than that.
Unquestionably, Freddy Adu had a great Under-20 World Cup. He was one of the reasons the US advanced to the quarterfinals along with several other US players like Altidore, Zizzo and Seitz. Does this mean he’s on his way out of purgatory and back on the path to potential European success? It may if Celtic have anything to say about it.
Adu’s agent claims that Celtic representatives are coming to the US to discuss a possible move to Parkhead. European club interest has increased after his performance in the World Cup.
Adu claims that he’s finally playing his proper position and that’s why he blew up in Canada. I won’t speculate on that or whether success at the under-20 level will result in success overseas but I will say that if he has an opportunity to move abroad, he needs to do it now before he turns into a “should have been”. The proper training and competition will allow him and everyone else to see whether he is a wunderkind. We don’t think so but then again he doesn’t have to be a star. No one would call Brian McBride or Brad Friedel superstars but their European experience has made them better players, invaluable members of their respective club teams and better contributors to the USMNT.
There has to be a better name for the senior team. Actually US Soccer should replace the senior team with the under-20 team. There was more heart and creativity than I’ve ever seen at the senior level besides 2002. You watch that, Landycakes?
P.S. There is a rumor that Nigeria international Jay Jay Okocha could be moving to Real Salt Lake. I haven’t seen any confirmation of this but it would be a great pickup for them. If he’s willing to move to Qatar, he’ll move to SLC. Talk about two extremes. No thanks to both places.
In a page taken from the Uday Hussein handbook of how to motivate athletes, the Chinese National soccer team has made an oath to qualify for the World Cup or die. The players said to their country on Tuesday:
If China actually does qualify, thus saving the lives of its team members, it would be only the second time they have advanced to the World Cup, the first being in 2002 where they failed to get a point or even score a goal in their first round exit.
