There is no way in the world that anyone should buy this. An 800 dollar fantasy football trophy for the richest of the fantasy football geeks out there. Its the limited edition fantasy football trophy by Titlecast and they will hand craft you the finest trophy ever made for your meaningless fantasy sports league. They even have a custom made one that spares no expense, so awesome they don’t even have a price quote for it.

Dear God, if anyone actually has one of these for their league, send me a picture of you with it so I can mercilessly mock you on a daily basis.

From Uncrate

Steven Jackson’s training camp holdout is now over 20 days long and he’s been fined over $300,000 for his insubordination. Strange that he isn’t there because he wants more money but is giving up $300k, weird how that works. In any case, he’s not close to coming into camp any time soon as his agents and the team have only just started to have “low-level” talks about a new deal, which is probably going something like

“He’s really not coming back is he?”
“Nope.”
“How much more does he want?”
“How much more you got?”
“Fuck you.”

At least that’s how I imagine it. What is lost in this coverage is not the impact that this is having on the team, SJax’s career, or his agent’s ability to land any more clients if this holdout doesnt work, no, what is lost in this coverage is the impact that this is having on fantasy football players everywhere.

It was bad enough last year when Jackson was hurt for most the year, and when he was healthy was running behind a shambles of an offensive line. Now, he hasn’t practiced a day of football leading up to the season. That isn’t good for you. Statistically, its horrible for you says Dick Vermeil,

“Carl Peterson did a study for the Kansas City Chiefs,” Vermeil said. “He’s one of the most experienced presidents-general managers in the National Football League.

“He’s been there since 1989, and he’s done studies as to holdouts. Not only in Kansas City, but all through the league. He says there’s a much higher correlation or a chance of getting injured after holding out, regardless of position.”

Someone is going to have to draft this guy, and draft him in the first round, and will basically be taking the old maid. Someone is going to look at his draft guides, see that there is no way that Stephen Jackson should be available at the 6th or 7th pick in the first round. Someone is going to have to now make a choice to either draft Marshawn Lynch, Clinton Portis or Stephen Jackson…and inevitably they will take SJax because “He’s only 25! He could run for 2000 yards! Its a steal!! It would be over valuing those scrubs taking them here!” That same someone, will end up losing this year for it.

I’m not sayin that someone is me…but i’m fuckin’ pissed about this holdout.

The old axiom of “if it seems too good to be true, it probably is” still holds water. The American Fantasy Football League promised it’s league winners $500,000 in prize money for people signing up, paying for their site and participating in their leagues. Unfortunately for the people who signed up for this site, the AFFL has no money and cannot pay it’s winners.

The site was set up in such a way as to get around the Unlawful Internet Gambling Enforcement Act which effectively prevents gambling online by stating the prize money up front. The bad thing is, they never got enough people to sign up to justify the gigantic payout and now still owe $475,000 in prize money payouts to its customers. Too make it worse, they have $850,000 in current liabilities with no cash coming in to save them yet.

“The problem is that we front-loaded money as entry fees came in. I shouldn’t have assumed we were going to get a certain level of growth. Had we known we weren’t going to get the growth, we wouldn’t have made software changes. Then, we wouldn’t have set the prizes as high as we did. People think we’re running away with the money. We’re not running away with any money; it went to the business.”

Whoops. Looks like they overestimated things a little bit. They should have followed another old axiom “Promises are like babies: fun to make, but hell to deliver.”

Story from Fantasy Fanatics

We at the Deuce are big fans of drinking . We are also playing a bit of the fantasy football this year. I figured, the time has come to marry the two into a perfect union of football and alcoholism and create, the fantasy football drinking game. This game is sure to get you drunk as a skunk, so long as your team is actually good. If your team sucks, not only will you lose your fantasy game…but you’ll lose and still be sober, maintaining your normal sad outlook on this shitty world we live in. Its quite easy to pick up, and live scoring is a must here’s the rules:

• Every 10 yds RB/WR/TE = 1 shot/drink of beer
• TD scored = 1 pint/can chugged
• Every 20 yds QB = 1 shot/drink of beer
• INT/Fumble lost = 1 shot of liquor of choice
• X-point = SOCIAL! Everyone take 1 shot/drink of beer
• FG = 1 pint/can chugged (you shoulda scored a TD you pussy)
• Sack = 1 shot of liquor of choice
• Safety scored = 1 pint/can chugged
• Player ends game with a yardage amount ending in 9 (meaning you were 1 yard away from 1 more point) = 1 shot of liquor of your choice
• Player out of game due to injury/ejection = 1 shot of liquor of your choice
• Starting a player on a bye week = 1 pint/can chugged immediately, dumbass
• Start Rex Grossman = 1 shot of liquor of your choice (you will need it)
• Complain about not starting someone lighting up the scoreboard on your bench = 1 pint/can chugged…and quit your whining bitch!
• Rooting for a team going against your favorite team so you can score more fantasy points = 1 pint/can chugged (you don’t EVER root against your team)

Addendum: Game can be reversed if actual fantasy football opponent is in the room drinking with you. All team scoring actions are then switched to drinking when the other team scores points. That way if you lose at football, you will so drunk that you won’t remember your sad defeat…until the next morning when you’re hungover.

Got any more suggestions?