Fail Archives

Cristiano Ronaldo Is Your New Walrus Of Love


Douche Unlimited is the new Love Unlimited. If you’ve been waiting for one more reason to hate on Cristiano Ronaldo, your wait is over. You’ve seen him dive on the pitch like the Kursk. Now witness his musical dive as he covers Julio Iglesias’ Amor Mio.

Amor Mio is just one of the songs that Ronaldo agreed to cover as part of an advertising campaign for Portuguese bank Banco EspĂ­rito Santo. They apparently also trample Barry White’s legacy in the name of more deposits. If you hear about Sea World walruses losing their shit in the next couple weeks, you’ll know why. Expect human collateral damage. No one disrespects the Walrus of Love and gets away with it.

Link: NME


Say what you will about David Beckham but there aren’t many people who can make Los Angeles sports fans legitimately passionate about anything. Too bad they’re all about hating him. His return to the Home Depot Center vs. AC Milan was a bit less than pleasant as Galaxy fans made their feelings known about his Milan sabbatical. Let’s just say they weren’t as welcoming as they were during his 2007 debut against Chelsea.

Beckham was greeted with boos and signs saying things such as “Go Home Fraud” and “23: Repent”. Things got interesting at halftime when he walked over and confronted the L.A. Riot Squad section. One supporter responded by leaping out of the stands before being jumped by security. He was arrested for trespassing.

“One of the guys was saying things that wasn’t very nice. It was stepping over the line,” Beckham said. “I said, `You need to calm down and come shake my hand,’ and he jumped over.”

Suckering fans into getting arrested isn’t going to help Beckham’s cause despite setting up both Galaxy goals. It’s probably a matter of time before Goldenballs and Posh pack up and head back to Milan or London for good. Chelsea and Spurs have both expressed interest in acquiring the England international.

The anger and resentment of Galaxy fans is understandable but some of the abuse has been over the line. There are arguments to be made on both sides. England manager Fabio Capello told Beckham that he had no chance of making the 2010 World Cup side as long as he played in the MLS due to the quality of play. There’s no question that it’s much lower than top European leagues such as Serie A or the Premier League. He’s simply doing what he has to do.

On the other hand, Beckham made a promise to the Galaxy and American soccer. He committed to playing in the league and raising the profile of the sport in the US. The Galaxy haven’t improved because of him. It seems clear that he hasn’t done much to raise the profile of the game in the country. He drew massive crowds during his MLS debut season but they’ve dropped off considerably. If he knew he wanted to play for England in 2010, he should have stayed in Europe to satisfy Capello. Was it a money grab or a chance for his wife to make it big in Hollywood? Check out Grant Wahl’s “The Beckham Experiment” for details behind the Beckham fail. If anything, Landon Donovan will be happy to see Beckham leave for good so he can go back to being a big fish in a small pond.

Nothing more need be said


No one wants anything to do with Jessica Simpson besides Tony Romo. Tiger Woods is attempting a comeback after being out of the game for a minute. The last thing he wants or needs is the aura of fail anywhere near him. Maybe that’s why he told Simpson to step when she asked for golfing lessons.

Simpson is apparently taking up the game to get closer to her man. Woods gave her the excuse of having to take care of his new baby. He was later seen hitting his left leg with a 7 iron and repeating that it wasn’t worth it. Rumor has it she’s now looking to have Happy Gilmore learn her a couple things about the golf but she’s having trouble finding him.


It’s easy to expect the world when you’re a tennis and closet fucking champion. Everyone’s on your jock and wants your time and money. What woman wouldn’t want to make it forever with the former winner of three Grand Slam events? Meet Dutch model Lilly Kerssenberg.

Becker got a shock on German national television when Kerssenberg told him he couldn’t haz marriages. The couple broke up in 2007 and Becker proposed to another woman in 2008. He had a change of heart and decided that he wanted Kerssenberg back. According to Champions365.com, Becker didn’t ask for her hand. He told the viewers that he planned to marry Kerssenberg in June.

Some 9.7 million viewers in Germany watched the unexpected announcement on the show “You Bet ..?” in which both Becker, 41, and Kerssenberg, 32, were guests. Kerssenberg who was obviously moved by the gesture, then went on to say ‘no’ to a shocked Becker.

It shouldn’t be too long before Becker blames his engagement fail on the Russian mafia.