If it’s the Champions League, it’s burglarin’ time in Liverpool. Another Liverpool player was robbed while the team was on CL duty. Come on down, Lucas Leiva! You’re the ninth Liverpool player to be robbed by your own fans!

The Brazil international was relieved of some jewelery and “some very distinctive football and sports memorabilia”. It’ll probably end up on EBay soon so he should be able to buy it back at an inflated price if the coppers don’t find it first. They might want to start with the Beckhams’ hired help.

Just wait until some Liverpool player comes home from a Champions League match and finds his whole house missing. Scousers don’t mess around when it comes to robbin’ and stealin’. Oh yeah, they’re also great at unemployment. Hah! I’ll be here all week. Don’t forget to tip your waitress.

“Aw yeah, it’s hump day! Time to get paid, blow up like the World Trade! I’m gonna head out to the club, get my pisco on and tear up the pan flute!”

“Oh yeah, my brother plays that in some place in New York called Union Square. He says many people come to see him play with his friends. He says he is infamous which is more than famous.”

“Everybody be cool! This is a robbery!”

“Any one of you fuckin’ pricks move and I’ll execute every last one of you motherfuckers! Got that?”

It sucked to be a player on Peruvian soccer club Cienciano on Wednesday. The players were robbed as they lined up for their wages. Guess Peru hasn’t discovered direct deposit yet.

“At the moment that the players were receiving their wages, four men entered and surrounded the cashier,” said Cusco police official Juan Auccahuaqui.

“It seems that the criminals were from Lima,” he said. “They were well-dressed, it seems the operation had been planned. The place does not have security, anyone can come and go as they please.”

The robbers were well-dressed so they must have been from Lima? What do they wear in Cusco? Burlap sacks? Llama skins? Remind me not to have anyone from Cusco plan my next event since only people from Lima plan for anything.

Now run ‘em! Gimme the loot! What can we say about another Liverpool player’s house getting robbed? Tommy’s come a long way since Trainspotting. He’s gotten off the bad stuff and managed to become the hardest working player for Liverpool. Maybe his hard work will pay off on the field and he’ll actually score.

His hard work has paid dividends off the field. Too bad it’s paying off for someone else. Kuyt became the latest Liverpool player to be robbed while away doing his job. Thieves (we’re assuming Liverpool fans) robbed his home while he was away on international duty last Thursday. It’s unclear what was taken at the time besides his dignity and sense of well-being.

Fellow support group members/victims include Peter Crouch, Daniel Agger, Pepe Reina and Jerzy Dudek. It appears the more you suck, the safer you are at Liverpool. The lesson is never try. Just ask former Liverpool players Gabriel Paletta and Djibril Cisse.