Wednesday, May 6th, 2009 at
Revenge has an interesting way of working itself out. Sometimes it comes in a revolving door or a barber chair. Other times, it strikes in the least expected place. Kathy Lee Gifford should get some respect for being so crafty. She stayed relatively chill after getting bounced off Regis and Kathy Lee and worked her way on the Today Show. All the while, she was plotting her revenge. Who knew her first shot at revenge would come in the form of Hanley Ramirez?
Kathy Lee’s nemesis, Regis Philbin, was almost taken out by Ramirez during warmups
before the Marlins game against the Reds on May 4. The shortstop “[fired] a baseball at Philbin from 100 feet away” after he walked into a long-toss session between Ramirez and Emilio Bonifacio. The talk show host was shaken but unhurt.
“He tried to kill me!” Philbin barked to a phalanx of reporters following a second-inning turn on the Marlins’ telecast. “That’s a quote! Put it in the papers! I know Kathy’s behind this! This means war, bitch!”
Fine. Maybe he didn’t say that last part about Kathy Lee but it couldn’t have been far from his mind. Where was Enrico Palazzo during all of this? He could have stopped Ramirez from throwing that ball. Maybe Regis isn’t as important as the Queen of England. Don’t tell him that.
The question is will Philbin take this lying down or strike back. He should use A-Rod. He’ll do anything if he thinks he has a shot at some 60+ ass and Kathy Lee will be too busy running her yap to see it coming. This is almost like that piece of shit with Sylvester Stallone and Antonio Banderas. What was it again? Oh. Throw Momma from the Train.
Monday, September 29th, 2008 at
Yeah I know. We went with the obvious on this one but that’s how we always do.
If you’re going to impersonate someone at their place of employment, it’s probably good to pick a place where the employees aren’t recognizable. Someone should given Ronald Higgins that nugget before he decided to steal a Dodgers uniform at Dodger Stadium and impersonate a player.
Higgins was nailed after being seen on the field “holding a glove with two balls”. Take that as you will.
Higgins allegedly identified himself as a Dodgers player, but the guard recognized him from an earlier incident and called police.
Prosecutors say Higgins’ clothes were later found in the bat boys’ locker room. It was not immediately clear where he got the uniform.
Several things. First, I hope he really identified himself as “Dodgers Player” when asked about his identity.
“Hey what the hell are you doing? Who are you?”
“Why I’m Mann … I mean Dodgers Player. I just got called up from … from … um the Pasadena 405s. Yeah that’s it.”
Second, what the hell were his clothes doing in the bat boys’ locker room? Did he get his uniform from there? Did he try to squeeze into a small uniform that said Batboy on the back? “Oh my full name is Dodgers Player Batboy. I seem to have had an overnight growth spurt.”
Maybe we shouldn’t be too hard on Higgins. He’s more harmless than that crazy guy who jacks subway trains and buses. If he was impersonating a Mets player, Jerry Manuel would probably throw him in the bullpen. He’d probably have a higher batting average than Andruw Jones. He’d definitely cost less. He should go to DC and impersonate a Nats player. They need all the help they can get.