British tabloids are bloody outraged over John Terry’s alleged affair with former Chelsea and current England teammate Wayne Bridge’s ex-girlfriend, Vanessa Perroncel. Commentators are screaming for his head like al-Shabab. They want him removed as England captain yesterday. What’s England manager Fabio Capello to do?

Terry is accused of giving the Double D to Perroncel not soon after they broke up. It’s alleged that he not only slept with her but also knocked her up. The England and Chelsea captain is married with two children. Sticky situation but it’s not all bad. He was man enough to pay for the abortion. Problem solved, yes? Hell no.

Stories of the affair came to light when tabloid News of the World took pictures of the Chelsea and England captain leaving Perroncel’s house in his Bentley. Terry sought and received a superinjunction to prevent the story’s publication. Legal fail. The high court overturned it and the story quickly became a superclusterfuck when it was splashed across the front page of every major paper in the UK.

Normally the private lives of athletes and other famous people should stay as such in spite of the media and general public’s obsession with every detail of their idols’ lives. The Deuce always respects th….Never mind. Is this situation different? Terry is supposed to lead England in their World Cup campaign. It’s rumored that Bridge won’t travel to South Africa if Terry remains captain or even on the team depending which reports one believes. There are also claims that Terry isn’t the only professional footballer to get a professional from Perroncel. This could get messier before it gets better for the involved parties.

Instead of hiring a PR representative, Terry should take some advice from South African president, Jacob Zuma. He just fathered his 20th child with the daughter of friend, Sonono Khoza. There ain’t no shame in his game. He has multiple children from seven women which include his “current three wives” as well as various other women. The Khoza family wasn’t pleased and sought discussions over “inhlawulo, the customary Zulu damages payable when a child is born out of wedlock”. Problem solved? Yes.

Khoza is the chairman of the South Africa’s World Cup organizing committee. You think Zuma’s love child is going to blow up the biggest sporting event in the world? No way. Is anyone talking about Zuma stepping down from the presidency? Of course not. Bill Clinton was president of the wrong country.

England needs to tighten up. Terry isn’t the first pro athlete to cheat or knock someone up and he won’t be the last. No doubt the situation is ugly for the involved parties. It makes for juicy gossip and speculation but it shouldn’t threaten England’s chances at the World Cup. There will be hundreds of excuses to choose from when they inevitably choke. This drama should be handled internally by Capello and his decision should be respected. The FA and British govermnent should keep their noses out of it. They’ve made it apparent over the years that they have no clue what they’re doing when it comes to soccer. The team is ultimately Capello’s responsibility. It might be worth talking to Sven as he has experience with handling these types of situations from every angle. Know what I’m sayin’?

There are some lessons to be learned from this mess. Never leave your lady around John Terry. Never leave valuables around his mother. Always look for his dad when you’re ready to have a good time. “Come on, Chelsea” has taken on a whole new meaning.

** The Deuce declares all conflicts unlike Howard Kurtz. Mustafa is a long-time Chelsea supporter. He is only interested in Terry keeping his head on straight when he’s playing for the Blues.

You’ve probably seen the KHL (Russia) hockey fight from a couple weeks ago. In Soviet Russia, hockey fights you! The English saw this and didn’t want to be left out. After all, you can’t spell hooliganism without Millwall or West Ham. Here’s a full-on hockey brawl from the English hockey league. We didn’t know they had one either.

Panthers vs. Steelers? That sounds like an overrated Thursday Night Football game. If anyone sees a player with an XXXL jersey missing punches, let us know so we can dub him Sir Delhomme.

Rammie feels your pain. Sike.

Some things should be left to the Los Angeles Rams. Vince Ferragamo, losing, rocking LA, coming till they put them on their back, ramming it all day and all night, etc. The Derby County Rams should probably stick to not getting relegated.

Derby mascot Rammie the Ram was forced to send an apology to Reading’s Brian Howard after mocking him while he was injured during a match on Saturday. Rammie thought Howard was faking an injury so he ran on the field and lay down while the physio attended to him. It turns out Howard had a broken jaw. D’oh.

Derby confirmed that Rammie sent a letter to Howard and Reading FC. Hopefully the page was blank except for a hoof print. I challenge you to show me a ram that can talk let alone write.

This wrestling event way more delicious than say jello wrestling, no sir, this is the GRAVY WRESTLING CHAMPIONSHIP. It is an event to raise money for the East Lancashire Hospice in England and it used about 440 gallons of gravy that was juuuuust past its “best if used by” date. Whatever, i’m sure it was still delicious. Check out the video, some hot female on female gravy wrestling awaits you.

From BBC

Say what you will about David Beckham but there aren’t many people who can make Los Angeles sports fans legitimately passionate about anything. Too bad they’re all about hating him. His return to the Home Depot Center vs. AC Milan was a bit less than pleasant as Galaxy fans made their feelings known about his Milan sabbatical. Let’s just say they weren’t as welcoming as they were during his 2007 debut against Chelsea.

Beckham was greeted with boos and signs saying things such as “Go Home Fraud” and “23: Repent”. Things got interesting at halftime when he walked over and confronted the L.A. Riot Squad section. One supporter responded by leaping out of the stands before being jumped by security. He was arrested for trespassing.

“One of the guys was saying things that wasn’t very nice. It was stepping over the line,” Beckham said. “I said, `You need to calm down and come shake my hand,’ and he jumped over.”

Suckering fans into getting arrested isn’t going to help Beckham’s cause despite setting up both Galaxy goals. It’s probably a matter of time before Goldenballs and Posh pack up and head back to Milan or London for good. Chelsea and Spurs have both expressed interest in acquiring the England international.

The anger and resentment of Galaxy fans is understandable but some of the abuse has been over the line. There are arguments to be made on both sides. England manager Fabio Capello told Beckham that he had no chance of making the 2010 World Cup side as long as he played in the MLS due to the quality of play. There’s no question that it’s much lower than top European leagues such as Serie A or the Premier League. He’s simply doing what he has to do.

On the other hand, Beckham made a promise to the Galaxy and American soccer. He committed to playing in the league and raising the profile of the sport in the US. The Galaxy haven’t improved because of him. It seems clear that he hasn’t done much to raise the profile of the game in the country. He drew massive crowds during his MLS debut season but they’ve dropped off considerably. If he knew he wanted to play for England in 2010, he should have stayed in Europe to satisfy Capello. Was it a money grab or a chance for his wife to make it big in Hollywood? Check out Grant Wahl’s “The Beckham Experiment” for details behind the Beckham fail. If anything, Landon Donovan will be happy to see Beckham leave for good so he can go back to being a big fish in a small pond.