We brought you the story of the Arizona Cardinals’ Fart Box also known as Darnell Dockett back in January. He turned dropping ass into performance art in the Southwest. The Bears, on the other hand, aren’t about to let anyone shart or make a Jackson Pollock in Halas Hall.

Defensive tackle Anthony Adams detailed the Bears’ self-imposed system of fines in his Chicago Tribune blog. Falling asleep in a meeting is $20. Jumping offsides during a game is $100. The best fine may be $20 for farting.

“Mark Anderson might be the worst (gas-passer) ever. He takes these protein shakes, so he smells like little babies do. He’s the worst at getting the fines and then saying he didn’t do it. I know he got that fine for that extra shove in the Steelers game. He wouldn’t let anybody see how much it was. We don’t get him (an extra fine) for that. When the league gets you, we leave you alone.

I don’t get fines for (passing gas). I leave outside the meeting room and do my dirt.”

Fart Box ain’t scurred of no fine. He’ll kill a protein shake then drop a deuce at the drop of a fart.

Maybe we should go easy on Adams. Whatever Adams dropped made Eli give the Gas Face and fumble. That had to get the Fart Box seal of approval.

Big stadium, big crowd, big celebrities, big score board, and a HUGE game for both NFC East teams. Jerry Jones was hoping that all of the hoopla he arranged for the opening of Dallas’ $1,150,000,000 stadium would help his Cowboys pull out a win in both the stadium’s grand opening and Dallas’ season home opener against their long-time rivals, the New York Giants. But, the silence of 105,000 Cowboys fans, the largest crowd in NFL history, was proof enough that Tony Romo and the Dallas Cowboys just couldn’t get it done.

Maybe it was the pressure that goes along with a stadium that was being compared to the Parthenon and the Roman Colisuem during the pre-game show. Maybe it was the heat and humidity contributing to the pressure and leading to players on both teams getting IV’s during half-time. Maybe it was the turnovers, three interceptions by Tony Romo and a fumble that led to 24 points on the board for New York. Whatever it was, it became clear that no matter how much money Jerry Jones spent on his new stadium, he couldn’t buy himself a team that could get it done last night.

Dallas had their opportunities. The Dallas defense shut down New York’s running game in the first half and limited their production in the second for under 100 rushing yards total and they held New York in the red zone to 3 field goal’s that kept Dallas in a game that could have been a blow-out. They just couldn’t take advantage of these opportunities and when you leave time on the clock in the 4th quarter for Eli Manning to make something happen, he gets it done.

There are only 2 QB’s that have more 4th quarter comebacks than Eli since 2005, Big Ben and his older brother Peyton, Eli has twelve. Something tells me he will get a few more this season. For all the talk about the Giants receiving core, and their reliance on their running game, the G-men had two receivers, Steve Smith and Mario Manningham, that each caught passes for over 100 yards a piece. Eli never turned the ball over. Not to mention the Giants offensive line that gave Eli the time he needed to throw the ball down the field succussfully. Last season, Eli was sacked four times in each game by Dallas’ defense led by DeMarcus Ware. Yesterday, Eli was never touched.

My friend refers to Eli Manning as EZ-E because he seems to become zen-like as the pressure builds. Hopefully, discussions in which people say they would rather have Tony Romo as their quarterback will end and the people who did say this out loud will hang their heads in shame the way Romo did on the bench in the 4th quarter during Eli’s comeback. This victory, and Eli’s performance, should silence his critics the same way it did all those record breaking Cowboys fans. I hope they enjoy the spectacle because it looks like they won’t enjoy the way this season will end.

New head coach, new offensive scheme, new play-caller, new defensive coordinator, similar but different defensive scheme and playing without the teams best defensive back in Shawn Springs…could Redskins fans really have expected anything better than the dismal and disjointed 16-7 loss that ensued?

I actually expected the Redskins would lose this game, but what I did not expect were these things:

1) Lack of a passing game

I’m not talking about expecting Jason Campbell to become the 2nd coming of the mighty Matt Hasselbeck, I just expected that the Redskins would actually get a passing yard before the last 2 minutes of the 2nd quarter. Campbell didn’t complete a pass until there was 1:19 left in the first half and luckily his 2nd completion was for a TD.

Here’s what my armchair quarterback coach self saw. Jason Campbell was not in sync with any of his receivers. He was either waiting for a route to be run right or waiting for the one receiver he was, for some reason, locked in on to get open or not reading the defenses correctly to throw the ball to where they weren’t since they were blitzing a lot or his line was breaking down around him, partly because he was holding onto the ball for too long. All of this happened, sometimes they all happened on the same play.

I’m not saying its all Campbell’s fault, receivers do run bad routes and linemen do miss tackles, but on numerous occasions in the 1st half there were open players right in the middle of the field to pass to while Campbell was locked into Moss or Randle-El on the sidelines. Why didn’t he throw to his tight ends more? Cooley and Yoder are perfect safety outlets and would have saved Campbell on numerous occasions.

2) The Defense bent a lot…but luckily only broke once.

This is not last year’s GGGregg Williams defense. The exotic blitz packages are gone and it showed. If the Redskins thought they could get pressure with a 4 man front that was the same as last year plus Jason Taylor, who is looked like Bruce Smith II in this game, then they are going to get beat like a rag all season.

This was a defense without its best player, Shawn Springs, so why did they not do more zone coverage to help cover up that huge hole? It appeared to me at least that there was single man coverage on most the receivers, especially Plaxico Burress who beat them repeatedly. With all that man coverage, the Giants were able to dink and dunk slants and curls all over the joint since there was no, from my vantage point, underneath coverage. It was like the Redskins were playing a Man Prevent the entire game. The cushions the Giants receivers were given were ginormous and they took advantage the entire game.

And what the hell is up with Brandon Jacobs? Redskins D line turned him into Christian Okoye out there. London Fletcher had more tackles than the entire D line did. That will not win football games.

By the grace of God, the Giants offense couldn’t take full advantage of any of this and only got 1 touchdown, giving Redskins fans everywhere the false hope that they could actually come back.

3) The Head Coach is awful new at this

Why did Zorn not get the Redskins in the hurry up offense starting with the start of their 2nd to last possession with 6 minutes left in the game? They were down 2 scores and weren’t moving the ball all that quickly before, but the coach kept them huddling up and even ran the ball twice when the clock was under 4 minutes.

I’m also going to question the decision to go for it on 4th and 13 on the 43 yard line with 2 minutes left and down by 2 scores. That is hardly a gimme field goal and I guess Zorn didn’t think that Suisham could kick a 55 yarder with great success, the flip side is that if they did kick and make it, they would only need 1 score and could probably get the ball back (which they did when they didn’t convert the 4th down) and try to score again. See, by going for it on 4th down though Zorn pretty much ended the game.

If you miss the kick or not get the first down the result is the same, the game is over. If you make the 1st down, you have 2 minutes left, 4 more time sucking plays and all your time outs to score from 30 yards out, give the ball back to the giants, and try to stop them with time left to get another score. That is an awful lot to ask, but if you make the kick, you’re down by 1 score with just under 2 minutes left, you give the ball back and need a stop with all your timeouts left to try to get time to get another score. With those two scenarios, the one that would give the Redskins the most time on the clock to get the 2nd score is kicking the field goal.

So what to expect in the future? Luckily, all of this is correctable. Its all just practice and scheming at this point. The players are just as talented as most teams in the league. The coaches need to work harder to game plan better (the D’s halftime adjustments were quite good) and the players need to practice more to get their act together. The Defense looks mediocre right now and on offense they don’t even look that. They should at least strive for being average.

Zorn photo (AP Photo/Bill Kostroun); (Photo by Jim McIsaac/Getty Images)
Campbell photo(Photo by Jim McIsaac/Getty Images)
Jacobs photo (Photo by Al Bello/Getty Images)

Tecmo bowl will never leave us, ever. These guys have whipped up a Tecmo Bowl representation of the last 2 plays that really counted from the Giants Super Bowl win. We’ve got Eli & David Tyree’s “The Play” or “The Escape” or “The Catch II” or whatever you want to call it, as well as Plaxico’s touchdown catch to give the Giants the win. All set, beautifully, to a Radiohead soundtrack. Well done peoples. You deserve an award. Not from us, but from someone that actually makes money off their website.

(AP Photo/Gene Puskar)

David Tyree is the real hero in this game. That jump ball catch, on 3rd and 5 with less than 1:15, to go, thrown by a scrambling for his life Eli Manning and caught on his head with Rodney Harrison draped all over him was one of the best moments in Super Bowl history. That play set up, what proved to be, the winning touchdown of the game just four players later with the Giants beating the Patriots 17-14. That says nothing of him catching the first touchdown pass of the game for the Giants and giving them a 10-7 lead. He played one great game but that catch will be remembered with some of the all time great plays of Super Bowls.

The video of it (while it’s up) is below, but here’s the quotes from some Giants and Patriots players, one coach and a brother that sums the catch all up:

“David Tyree, that’s all you have to say.” It was just a great catch by David Tyree. I found a way to get loose and just really threw it up. He made an unbelievable catch and saved the game.” – Eli Manning
“Unbelievable, in Friday’s practice, he was dropping everything.” - Amani Toomer
“I don’t know that there’s ever been a bigger play in the Super Bowl than that play.” – Tom Coughlin
“He made a hell of a play.” – Asante Samuel
“Eli’s pass to Tyree, I think, was one of the greatest plays of all time. You always see Swann’s catch.” Peyton Manning

Here’s the video: