Miguel Cabrera looks pretty satisfied with himself after the epic night that resulted in his arrest during spring training. He threatened to kill bar patrons and dared the cops to kill him. The Florida state attorney’s office released more information earlier this week which makes him look much better … at drunk driving.

Citing evidence released Tuesday by Florida’s state attorney’s office, WPTV reported on its website that two Walmart truck drivers told authorities a black Range Rover, which police later determined to be Cabrera’s, forced one of the trucks off the road and forced an oncoming vehicle to take “evasive action and (go) totally onto the grass shoulder in order not to hit the sports utility vehicle head-on.”

Cabrera pulled to the side of the road and stopped his vehicle with smoke coming from its hood.

That’s when he decided it would be a good idea to pull out the bottle of scotch and confront the cops. WPTV has video of the DUI arrest and the 911 call beforehand.

“Was Detroit Tigers all-star Miguel Cabrera driving recklessly before arrest in St. Lucie County?” Brilliant question, WPTV. No, everyone else was and that’s why he looked erratic to them.

How has James Buchanan not offered Cabrera an endorsement deal yet? What’s more gangsta than whipping out a bottle of liquid courage and staring death in the face. They should package it with Axe body spray so The Douche can rock the Cabrera all summer long.

By now, many are familiar with the story of Miguel Cabrera’s DUI arrest last month. The Detroit Tigers slugger was pulled over after police saw his car on the side of the road in Ft. Pierce, Florida near the Tigers’ spring training facility. He asked the cops if they knew who he was and continued to take swigs from a whiskey bottle while being arrested.

The Florida State’s Attorney’s office released their evidence against Cabrera on Wednesday and let’s just say it’s not pretty. The Smoking Gun reports that prior to his arrest, he was in a bar after closing. He was asked to leave by the manager and refused.

[Bar manager Fletcher] Nail said that Cabrera “leaned down close to my face” and said, “I will kill you.” Nail added that the ballplayer looked around the bar and added, “I know all of you, and I will kill all of you and blow this place up.” Another witness, a Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission agent, told investigators that Cabrera threatened him and Nail “by saying he had a gun in his bag for us.”

Cabrera left while cussing at Nail and a bar patron. Police found him on the side of the road. When they approached him, he threatened to kill an imaginary passenger and refused to cooperate.

After giving a Florida cop the middle finger, baseball star Miguel Cabrera shouted at police, “Fucking shoot me, kill me” when ordered to drop to his knees so that officers could handcuff him, according to a sheriff’s report.

The 27-year-old athlete, busted last month in Fort Pierce for drunk driving, also stated, “Fuck you. Do you know who I am? I’m Miguel Cabrera, I play for the Detroit Tigers, you don’t know my family.”

This incident is the most recent in a long line of incidents involving Cabrera and alcohol. In 2009, GM Dave Dombrowski had to pick him up from the police station the morning before a game after police were called to his house. He was found with scratches on his face and blew a .26. Since then, he’s been in rehab and also threatened restaurant patrons by claiming he had a gun.

Cabrera has exhibited an extremely disturbing pattern of behavior since he’s been in the majors and especially with the Tigers. One has to wonder if this is why the Marlins dumped him (besides being incredibly cheap). He’s one of the best players in baseball but with all due respect to Charlie Sheen, he’s slowly destroying himself.

The Tigers put Dontrelle Willis on the DL twice in 2009 so he could deal with his anxiety issues yet they can’t step up and make Cabrera sort himself out? Teams often ignore off the field problems as long as the player concerned continues to put up numbers and perform. He may continue to produce on the field but that shouldn’t be the limit of their concern.

The additional information released yesterday should encourage the team’s hierarchy to intervene and make him get the help he needs. It’s long overdue. They’re also better off doing it now than in July and August when it happens again. So far it’s business as usual.

There’s nothing like going to a Mexican restaurant after a long night. You know you’re going to get your eat on and pay for it the next day but you don’t care. That’s great but the best thing is that it doesn’t matter how drunk you are when you walk through the door. Someone will be drunker than you. If you’re in Novi, MI, you can bet the drunkest guy in the cantina will be ex-Detroit Lion Charles Rogers.

Rogers was arrested after getting drunk and passing out in a Mexican restaurant. Quentin Tarantino would categorize him as a Mexicant. The former wide receiver has been in a sobriety court program since pleading guilty to driving impaired in September.

There isn’t any video footage from the incident but we imagine it went down a little something like this:

Video courtesy of Dallas Examiner.

The Lakers better not go on a losing streak otherwise Ron Artest might go back to the Henny and skunk with a bit of Brand Nubian-style beatin’ down punks on the side. The drama and quote machine is back in the spotlight after an interview which will appear in the Sporting News magazine on December 7th. All topics were covered from St. John’s to the infamous fight at the Palace.

The interview also touched on Artest’s partying ways. It’s a good thing Tiger decided that there was sex in the champagne room otherwise more people would have noticed Charlie Weis crying in a bathtub full of mac and cheese. They’d also be making noise about Artest’s admission that he used to drink during halftime when he played for the Bulls.

“I used to drink Hennessy … at halftime,” Artest says in the interview, which hits newsstands this week. “I (kept it) in my locker. I’d just walk to the liquor store (near the stadium) and get it.”

Anyone who has been to the United Center knows there might as well be scalpers selling Hennessy and Courvoisier along with pints of Gordon’s Gin outside the arena. Artest probably cashed his paychecks at the same place he bought the hen-rock.

Artest admitted that he partied every day and night while playing for St. John’s. His drinking kept up when he reached the NBA.

“When I was a 19-year-old father, whew. I was a single pimp! I was wild. A lot of marijuana and alcohol—even before (that age). … I (still) party and I have fun, but not like I used to. I used to drink every night and party every night.”

Who knew being a single pimp father was the key to getting your party on? Shawn Kemp and Jason Caffey must have stories for days. They sure have kids for months. If there’s anyone that should be drinking every day, it’s a New Jersey Net. At least it’ll give him an excuse for sucking so much.

We didn’t even get to the part of the interview where he discusses how he still wants to fight Ben Wallace. Oh, he’s willing to get his suspension on again.

Brian Boitano has a cooking show on Food Network. Let that marinate for a moment. I should be angry but I’m not. These are the same clowns that forced Rachel Ray and Guy Fieri on us without so much as an apology. I refuse to accept that Boitano deserves his own cooking show but at least he’s doing something everyone can imagine he would do after retiring from figure skating. He’s not out driving drunk and stealing cars like Andrei Lutai.

Lutai, a figure skater from Russia, was arrested after stealing a car from a gas station and driving drunk in Lake Placid. That’s pretty gangsta for a figure skater. What was he doing at a gas station without a car? Getting his sequins fixed in the bay or bathroom? He was charged with grand larceny, criminal possession of stolen property, unauthorized use of a motor vehicle and aggravated driving while intoxicated. He’s being held on $100,000 bail. Oksana Baiul will drive right over and bail him out as soon as she finishes that sixth Long Island Iced Tea and figures out why the road is sideways.