It was “Hear Come The Judge” time in Clark County as Tim Lincecum appeared to face marijuana possession charges. He managed to get off with a reduced drug paraphernalia charge and a $513 fine in addition to previously paid fines.

“I’ll try not to let this happen again,” Lincecum said, standing just a few feet in front of the judge in the cramped courtroom. “I just want to move forward and continue my life.”

At that, Lincecum’s attorney, Gary Metro, jumped in to profusely thank the judge for his handling of the case.

I’ll try to try my best on this one but I can’t promise anything. That’s the spirit! It would probably help if Lincecum didn’t show up in court looking strung out. Scott Weiland salutes his vigor.

Step off! My deal! My delivery!

Say it ain’t so, Cleveland. Jamal Lewis is going to pack up his bags and retire at the end of the season. The bruising running back is sick of losing and he isn’t going to take it anymore. He’s got bigger and better things to do like build his trucking business.

“The decision I made had nothing to do with this season, how it’s going or whatever. It really didn’t,” Lewis said. “My whole decision was based on my [trucking] business and what I have going on outside of football and things that I want to be able to give 100 percent to. I can’t do that right now because I’m here. I’ve got to give 100 percent to this.”

Sheeeeit! Why didn’t you say so, dawg? If you want to build your trucking business, you gotta go to the godfathers. Forget the Mafia. Nate Newton and Bam Morris are where it’s at when it comes to trucking. If Lewis is smart, he’ll get together with those two and create a trucking powerhouse. 200 yard games aren’t anything compared to moving a couple hundred pounds of Mary Jane across state lines.

Think about it. Who knows how to make the deals? Lewis. Who knows how to transport it? Newton. Who knows how to distribute it? Morris. One stop shopping at its finest. It’s a combination that can’t lose. Fuck Parker Lewis.

I can see the commericals now. Toby Jones should be the spokesman.

They can get Jonah to do the music. He also does a bad ass Chop Suey. If he costs too much, a guy from DC playing some go-go beats on buckets would work too.

“Call LNM Trucking when you need to move that stinky stinky today. And you know this, man!”

The Fiver brings us the excellent news that Chelsea and England captain John Terry will be gracing the cover of this week’s Angler’s Mail. He discusses his love of fishing and laments that he won’t have much time to work on it before the World Cup next year. We haven’t read the article but we’re pretty sure he doesn’t discuss his dad’s love for angling in new disco customers. That’s coke for all you non-party people.

News of the World dropped a bomb on Sunday morning with a cover story about how a NOTW operative was able to buy coke from Terry’s dad, Ted at an Essex pub. Ted “muscled” his way into selling three grams of marching powder to the NOTW while telling the fake buyer that he shouldn’t mention the familial connection to his son, John. Ted made a little less than $60 for the deal even though he’s a kept man thanks to his boy’s riches. The whole transaction was caught on video. Sven-Goran Eriksson feels his pain.

Terry’s dad is a drug dealer and his mom’s a shoplifter. You can take the boy out of the East End but you can’t take the parents out of it. It was going to be interesting to see how this revelation would affect Terry’s play on Sunday against Manchester United. A figurative kick to the balls the night before and a literal blow to them during the match didn’t seem to affect him at all. Credit due considering the circumstances.

Wait a minute. The video of the douche brushing his teeth behind the dugout is starting to make sense. Maybe he caught up with Ted before the match and wanted to make sure the product really got up in there and numbed him up right. He could actually be onto a new delivery system. Why go finger when you can go toothbrush? Brilliant!

Rashaan Salaam’s name should become a verb the next time a professional athlete admits to smoking weed every day. “Player X rashaan salaamed himself out the league.” Former Lion Charles Rogers gets us one step closer to sweet verbdom with his admission that he smoked the tweed every day and was addicted to painkillers. He flamed out after his third season in the league. Here’s a clip from his ESPN interview with Jemele Hill that will air in its entirety on Outside The Lines August 16.

You have to love Matt Millen saying “something was clearly wrong”. Really? Could it have been that he drafted a known problem case or the fact that he is the worst GM in the history of sports? He makes Wes Unseld look like a Hall of Famer for his front office work with the Bullets/Wizards.

Everyone loves to whine about how hard single mothers have it. When are people going to cut single fathers a break? Fathers like Jason Caffey deserve some props and not just cause their boys can swim … or tidal wave. Travis Henry is out there trying making moves to take care of his nine shorties by nine different women but every time a brotha tries to bring himself up, the man’s gotta knock him back down.