The guys at Maxim.com created a nifty graphic of what it “Big Papi” David Ortiz’ email inbox would possibly look like right now. I love the Amazon order of Tom Emanski’s book. Classic.

From Maxim.com

It’s nice to see that Jens Lehmann is continuing the tradition of German dickhead keepers. Oliver Kahn would be proud if he wasn’t busy being pissed at losing his national team spot and being an asshole to everyone around him.

Kahn was pissed that Khalid “Cannibal” Boulahrouz (Chelsea reject) didn’t listen to him during a UEFA Cup match against St. Petersburg. Instead of simply yelling at him like a normal keeper, he grabbed his headband and threw it behind the goal. That’ll learn him.

Maybe Lehmann realized he should toss the gear of opposing players. He didn’t have long to wait for his second chance. On Saturday, Hoffenheim’s Sejad Salihovic lost his shoe during play against Stuttgart. Lehmann picked it up and instead of giving it back to Salihovic, he threw it behind him and it landed on top of the goal.

Of course, Lehmann showed remorse after the Hoffenheim incident.

“I can only say for myself that in 20 years I never seriously injured a player and that I again have to deal with cheap comments by people who think they can make the headlines by using my name,” the 39-year-old Lehmann told Monday’s Bild newspaper.

Stay classy, douchebag.

We have to apologize for the background music on both videos. These were the only videos we could find. I think I’d almost prefer “Let The Bodies Hit The Floor” or “Afternoon Delight”.

NHL Kommissar Gary Bettman must have been feeling left out since Roger Goodell and David Stern started running their respective leagues like their own personal fiefdoms. No longer will he have to listen to taunts from Goodell and Stern about letting the natives run wild. Putting Rowdy the Cowboys mascot on double secret probation must have been a slap to Bettman’s face. Making an example out of Sean Avery will show everyone that he too can make irrational and idiotic rulings.

Avery was suspended indefinitely by the NHL for comments made in the lead up to the Dallas Stars game against the Calgary Flames.

“I am really happy to be back in Calgary, I love Canada,” Avery said on camera [yesterday] in Calgary. “I just want to comment on how it’s become like a common thing in the NHL for guys to fall in love with my sloppy seconds. I don’t know what that’s about. Enjoy the game tonight.”

Everyone can agree that Avery is a douchebag but these comments were funny because they’re true. Flames defenseman Dion Phaneuf is dating Elisha Cuthbert who used to be with Avery. He also dated Rachel Hunter who’s now rolling with Kings center Jeret Stoll.

Avery has been accused of “conduct deterimental to the League or the game of hockey”. Stars owner Tom Hicks said the team would have suspended him if the league hadn’t acted first. Liverpool fans would like to do more than suspend Hicks. His own teammates including Marty Turco are throwing him under the bus like Starbury. The comments may be distracting but they are far from being the worst thing he’s ever done. TSN analyst John Tortella keeps things in perspective as well as Joe Buck.

“The league stepped up here and I think they did the right thing. Enough is enough,” said Tortorella. “He’s embarrassed himself, he’s embarrassed the organization, he’s embarrassed the league and he’s embarrassed his teammates, who have to look out for him. Send him home. He doesn’t belong in the league.”

The suspension is bullshit if the league is making up for letting previous antics as suggested by Bob McKenzie. Hell of a makeup call. The Stars should settle down. It’s not as if they didn’t know what they were getting when they took Avery on. It’s no problem for the team to move him if they think he’s too much of a distraction but everyone needs to stop acting as though a capital crime has been committed. These comments aren’t close to some of the worst things that have been uttered by NHL players without penalty. It’s not like he killed anyone. What? Too soon?

Good thing Stars coach Dave Tippett gets the point.

“I think everyone in our room believes there is an integrity that has to go along with the game, respect for the game and respect for your opponents and Sean crossed that line,” Tippett told reporters in Calgary prior to the game.

“I think the words, the words and disrespect for an opponent like that is something . . . there’s lots of trash talking that goes on on the ice. But then to announce something like that for everybody to hear, to me that crosses the line and the League — and our ownership felt that, too.”

Yeah that’s it. If anything, his comments were disrespectful to the Flames. Wah! Never mind calling Cuthbert “sloppy seconds”. I’m sure Jerome Iginla was crying for Phaneuf. “Dude, that’s just so fucked up. How could he say those horrible things about you? He’s a stupid dummy head!” Is Avery a dick. Yes. Should he have made those comments? Probably not. However a league suspension is going way overboard.

There’s nothing sports fans love more than hypocrites. It’s also interesting to see that the Red Sawx have reached a point where they’ve stopped being “idiots” and become uptight, self-righteous douchebags like a certain team in the South Bronx. Now there’s another reason to hate the Red Sox besides their fans.

Youk has a problem with the Tampa Bay Rays and their dancers. He should get together with Goose Gossage so they can bitch about how smiling and high fives are a sign that players don’t have respect anymore.

“It’s unprofessional in a lot of ways,” Youkilis said before a Red Sox workout yesterday at Tropicana Field. “People dancing on top of the dugout in between innings is OK, but during the game . . . It’s a different atmosphere from New York and Boston.”

Don’t forget about the refreshing freedom from spectator douchebaggery that one finds in New York and Boston. It is different and that’s not such a bad thing. As much as one hated the Sox, they were a refreshing alternative from the “stick up the ass” attitude of the Yankees. Guess that’s over. I suppose they’ll come back to the dancers if they drop the series.

Keep in mind that these comments are coming from the team that once reveled in being seen as “idiots” and not giving a damn. It’s nice to see that Youk finally cares about professionalism. Too bad he never did when a certain unnamed player on his team constantly showed signs of unprofessionalism and apathy. Maybe he should be more concerned about fans blowing their load in the stands over Coco Crisp. Droppin’ loads!! Was it as good for Coco as it was for this assclown?

Say what you want about douchebags with luxury sports cars but they might actually have gotten something right. It appears that women actually get aroused when they hear the revving engine of a finely tuned luxury sports car. A study was done by measuring levels of testosterone in the saliva of men and women before and after a car was turned on and revved, and, at least with the Maserati, 100% of the women tested had “significant increase in testosterone secretion” compared to only 50% of the men who were also tested. In case you hadn’t figured it out by now, testosterone is a hormone that is indicative of arousal.

Other cars were tested and

Psychologist David Moxon, who conducted the study commissioned by motor insurer Hiscox, said: “We saw significant peaks, particularly in women.”

“The roar of a luxury car engine does cause a primeval physiological response.”

Oh and horrible news for all you guys who drive those Geo Prisms and Ford Escorts out there

He added the sound of an average car engine actually led to a decreased level of testosterone.

Yea that really sucks. Its a good thing I dont have a car and I rely on my super charm which beds women instantly…ok, thats not true at all.

Via The Telegraph UK