The Deuce is quite fond of the Halloween season, it is such a great time for women of the world to dress up in the sluttiest clothes possible and actually get praise instead of scorn for baring tons of cleavage and leg. Women you wouldn’t even think of as bimbos get all hoochied up and it is a wonderful thing. Sadly, this article has nothing to do with them. This is for us sports watching guys.
We, unlike the fine ladies of the world, don’t have the option of wearing some borderline red lingerie outfit with devil horns and saying “I’m the devil” or some pseudo sports related “sexy referee” outfit…we must get more creative. So, we’ve culled together a few sports related costumes that you might want to see if you can use for your Halloween.
We love to help.
1) Travis Henry:
Simple costume to do, all you need is a Travis Henry Broncos jersey, 9 plastic baby dolls, and 1 gigantic rolled up joint in your mouth. The 9 baby dolls should be in a stroller, on your shoulder, head, cradled in your arm, attached to your tit, on your legs…all over because, where the hell you gonna keep 9 kids??
2) Roy Williams
Get yourself a Williams jersey, put a Pizza Hut button down over top of it, grab a pizza box and you’re all set. Just don’t expect any tips.
3) Derek Jeter
For the guy who doesn’t want to get laid that night, wear a Jeter jersey and add a huge ass cold sore on your face with some make up. Prepare for no female to talk to your Herpes ridden ass.
4) George Steinbrenner
Get yourself a white turtleneck, sport coat, and a white wig…walk around saying “Great to see ya, Tommy,” to everyone in the room.
5) Bill Belichick
Wear a hoodie and a headset, look real sour all the time and have a friend videotape everything that is going on across the bar/party for you.
6) Greg Oden
Get a tree costume…wear Oden’s jersey. DONE!
7) Bill Simmons
If all the above is too hard to do, just be Bill Simmons. To do this follow these steps: a) be white, very white; b) dress incredibly average in every way; c) be the most pompous and smug guy in the room; d) talk relentlessly about the Karate Kid, 90210, Boston sports teams and your friends no one cares about; e) try to give your book away, watch no one take it.
Any more suggestions?