What is it with amputees and domestic abuse these days? Some of these cats are overdoing it with the rageahol. It seems like only yesterday that Def Leppard’s Rick Allen was nailed for spousal abuse at LAX. That made no sense. Why didn’t his wife just run in clockwise circles around him to avoid the beatdown? I’m not saying she was asking for it but it seems easy enough to get away from a one-armed beatdown. You and me, girl. Hey hey!

One can see the difficulty in getting away from sprinter Oscar Pistorius. He may have no legs but he does have both arms. He was charged with assault for an incident that allegedly took place during a party he was hosting at his Pretoria house.

Pistorius, 22, said in a statement that he asked the woman to leave the party. Unhappy with this, she began kicking the door which broke, injuring her.

“I categorically deny that I in any way assaulted,” the woman, Pistorius said.

Ah the old door attack defense. If they get the jump on you, they can do some real damage just like a wall running into your face multiple times. We kid, we kid. Presumed innocent until guilty. It’s not like we’re talkin’ bout France. Ragin’ amputees and hermaphrodites. It’s just another week in South African track and field.

Good thing Chris Chelios wasn’t around when Joe Elliott of Def Leppard put the Stanley Cup upside down. Elliott would have “got dealt with” Bart Scott style.

Chelios is convinced that Elliott knew what he was doing when he placed the cup upside down. He told JJ & Lynne of WCZX in Detroit, “Someone should have drove that guy, he did that on purpose.”

J.J.: “You think he did it on purpose?”

“No, we know he did … we talked to people at the show and the guy was being real rude to everybody,” Chelios said. “He was in a bad mood when they got there, so for whatever reason he didn’t want to be there. And that’s his way of showing it and taking it out on the NHL. …

Lynne: “Do you think [Kyle] Quincey would have really popped him?”

“No I don’t know if he would have popped him, but he could have gave him a good shove,” Cheli said.

The old man is taking this a little too personal. He’s probably trying to pump up his team and get the crowd going. Someone should tell him it’s probably not worth his time if he’s not on the ice. I didn’t listen to the interview but I’m pretty sure that he also called out Dokken for insulting his mother and Mr. Big for wanting to be with him even though he’s “not like that”.

Def Leppard’s Joe Elliott is blaming the NHL for putting the Stanley Cup upside down.

“…Someone at the NHL should have known better and informed me first instead of keeping the Stanley Cup under lock and key until the last minute. The practice run the day before with a coffeemaker went swimmingly because it, like every other sporting cup I’ve ever seen, was wider at the top than the base. Ironic isn’t it that after that night’s gig, a NHL insider told me that long ago the Stanley Cup was also designed to be put down that way!!! Like most of my fellow Brits, I’d never seen it before until it was handed to me sideways by which time I had a 50/50 chance of getting it right. Whoops……”

We’ll give him a pass this time. The Brits aren’t used to getting trophies. At least he didn’t blame the “greasy Mexicans” this time.

Put the Stanley Cup upside down? That’s a paddlin’.

If you’re a hockey fan and you’re not reading Puck Daddy, you’re sleeping. You’re missing brilliance such as the following story which shows why rehearsal is so important.

** Drummer Rick Allen was arrested for beating his wife years ago. Couldn’t she have avoided it if she just ran in circles around him? He only has a right arm. What? I’ve never hit a woman and now I’m the asshole?