What is it with amputees and domestic abuse these days? Some of these cats are overdoing it with the rageahol. It seems like only yesterday that Def Leppard’s Rick Allen was nailed for spousal abuse at LAX. That made no sense. Why didn’t his wife just run in clockwise circles around him to avoid the beatdown? I’m not saying she was asking for it but it seems easy enough to get away from a one-armed beatdown. You and me, girl. Hey hey!
One can see the difficulty in getting away from sprinter Oscar Pistorius. He may have no legs but he does have both arms. He was charged with assault for an incident that allegedly took place during a party he was hosting at his Pretoria house.
Pistorius, 22, said in a statement that he asked the woman to leave the party. Unhappy with this, she began kicking the door which broke, injuring her.
“I categorically deny that I in any way assaulted,” the woman, Pistorius said.
Ah the old door attack defense. If they get the jump on you, they can do some real damage just like a wall running into your face multiple times. We kid, we kid. Presumed innocent until guilty. It’s not like we’re talkin’ bout France. Ragin’ amputees and hermaphrodites. It’s just another week in South African track and field.
The Deuce finds Orlando Brown’s lack of creativity disturbing. How dare he attempt to mimic Deuce patron saint Najeh Davenport? There’s only one Deuce and he’s a model in Pittsburgh. You wanna make some magic? Do something original. Breaking in a residence and dropping a deuce is played out like Kwame and the fucking polka dots. Who rock the spot? Biggie!
According to court documents, Mira Brown accused her former husband of entering her home while she was away on vacation. The two have been divorced since 2004.
While she was on vacation July 21 through Aug. 28, someone broke the front storm door, entered her home, tore down the basement curtains, defecated in a basement toilet and ransacked her closet, according to court documents.
She also received two text messages from Orlando Brown’s phone before she returned, one of which stated that he had toured her house, the records say.
Deuce fail. If you’re going to break into someone’s place and drop a deuce, make it count. Najeh thinks the closet is a fine place to start. If you choose to be classy and drop one in the vicinity of a toilet, make it an upper decker. Make a Jackson Pollock in a room of your choosing. Perhaps one with carpet and plenty of upholstery. The possibilities are endless. Maybe we’re being too hard on Orlando. It’s bad enough being named after Orlando Jones. Combine that with getting an angry pirate from Jeff Triplette and it’s easy to see how a washed up OT might lose his mind.
Ozzie Guillen wants you to be honest. Anyone of us would be crushed if we got dumped by someone on Full House. You might not go full meth head like Stephanie Tanner but you might dip a bit heavy into the sauce. Whatever you do, it’s not ironic despite what Alanis Morrisette might say especially when it comes to Dave Coulier. Chicago pickup baseball may not have sold as many albums as You Can’t Do That On Television but it knows the definition of irony.
The shooting happened during the second game of the day for the Cardinals after the gunman became upset with Hall for pulling him from the game, the Cardinals’ captain told WGN-Ch. 9.
The captain, a 23-year-old man who did not want his name revealed, told the station the player tried picking a fight with the coach in the dugout until the captain intervened and kicked the player out.
The player retrieved a semiautomatic handgun, returned to the field and chased after the coach, firing repeatedly. At one point, the player stopped to reload his gun, said the captain.
Hall appeared to have been hit twice, in an arm and in the back, the captain said. When Hall fell to ground, it appeared the player wanted to continue firing at him, but he had run out of bullets, the captain said.
Why does everything go wrong when a coach tells a player to sit his five dollar ass down before he makes change? Don’t nobody know nuthin? What up with this? What’s this world coming to if a stop the violence game kicks off some violence. Next thing you know the West Coast All Stars will be rapping about stopping the violence. Oh wait..
Don’t let those gay senior bowlers fool you. They may seem happy and harmless as they search for something to do besides talking about the old days and shitting themselves but cross them and they’ll get all Jesus on that ass. A 16 year old kid found that out the hard way when he tried to steal during senior league night.
The [purse owners], along with other bowlers from the senior league, blocked the 16-year-old’s escape through an exit on the building’s west side. When he ran toward the glass doors at the building’s front, league members were in hot and loud pursuit.
“A bunch of the senior ladies and senior men started hollering at him and chased him,” Johnson said. “That’s when Steve, my son, kind of held him down.”
The center’s front door is sliding glass, and Johnson said that confused the thief long enough for his 22-year-old son to come at him from behind the counter and pin the parried purse-snatcher to the floor.
Several of the senior bowlers dog-piled the teen and held him until police arrived.
This kid should be a hit when he gets back to school. Getting beatdown by old people never goes over well even if you are committing a crime. He should come out even at the best. Then again he probably doesn’t have to worry about it since he probably doesn’t attend school very much. Confusion by sliding glass is a good indicator of trunacy in addition to stupidity. Waterfalls must blow his mind.
Poor Stevie G. The England and Liverpool midfielder is throwing himself on the mercy of the courts after being charged with affray for beating a bar patron like a rented mule. He should be used to pleading his case. He begs referees for penalties after diving on a weekly basis during the Premier League season.
The facts of the night in question read like an average night in a douchebag bar. The altercation started after the victim, Marcus McGee refused to let Gerrard play some music on a CD player.
Marcus McGee, 34, said he disliked the footballer’s attitude when requesting a card that controlled the stereo. “I would describe it as bad and rude. He was bad-mannered straight away. I acted in proportion to what his attitude was.
“When you see a famous person like that you do not think you are going to have a fight or trouble with them.”
He told Liverpool crown court that Gerrard, 29, said “something to the effect of, ‘Here you are, lad, give me that.’ “
He refused: “It was my job, so I didn’t hand it over.” McGee said the manager of the Lounge Inn in Southport had asked him to be in charge of the music as he wanted to get everyone dancing.
He told the court that Gerrard made a move to try to grab the card off him to take it away and recalls it slipping on to the floor. The footballer walked away.
Gerrard later came back and asked McGee, “What the fuck is your problem?” and it was on like Donkey Kong. After getting up from the stool, McGee was beat down by several people including Gerrard. Bar staff testified that Gerrard walked off in “a huff” after having his music requests turned down before returning to throw some ‘bows. There are only so many times that people want to hear “You’ll Never Walk Alone”.
Gerrard testified that McGee came at him although he admitted calling him a prick after having his music turned down. He thought he was under attack but CCTV footage showed otherwise.
He apologized to the court for his behavior and said that he was mistaken about the course of events.
“I am certainly mistaken in thinking he was coming towards me to throw punches at me. Now I know, obviously, he had been struck, reacted and thought the strike was by me and he came into me and that’s when I reacted.”
No apology for the guido fist pumps? Gerrard and his friends were getting drunk on Budweiser and Jammy Donut shots. That alone should be a crime. No respectable man should drink anything called a Jammy Donut unless he’s on his knees and/or in jail. He later cried when a letter of support from Kenny Dalglish was read before the court. Pull yourself together and have some dignity. Any real Scouser would have taken pride in beating down someone in a bar. He also would have run the victim’s pockets. The jury should begin deliberating tomorrow. Don’t worry, Liverpool fans. He’ll be on the pitch for the first game of the season. He’s no Joey Barton.
UPDATE: Free at last, free at last, thank god almighty Stevie G is free at last. He’s been cleared of all charges. The tear-filled apology worked. Here’s to celebrity justice.
