The Deuce normally doesn’t push corporate interests in posts but we’ll make an exception for deals we think you should know about. If you live in the New York City area and are a fan of open bars, food and sports involving feats of strength and devastating hits, you’ll be interested in this event going down tonight.

The Sunburnt Cow on Avenue C is throwing an AFL Grand Final party tonight. If you aren’t familiar with Aussie Rules, this should give you a taste of what to expect.

The Deuce will be there after watching Rorschach kill it at Santos Party House. Keep in mind $20 gets you TWO hours of open bar. $10 more dollars gets you a food buffet which will allow you to drink more. We’re not here to encourage responsible drinking. If you’re feeling a bit special (not like the kid in the hockey helmet), $50 gets you a seat, THREE hours open bar and buffet. If all this doesn’t get you ready to throw down at the Cow tonight, my man below would like to have a word with you. Language totally NSFW.

See you kids tonight. No autographs until midnight. We’d like to get wrecked in peace.

Now that’s a Marlboro Woman.

Tell us something we didn’t know. The pure sports we love have been contaminated by corporate money. No longer is it the game you used to love where companies you knew cared about you and the game sponsored teams and leagues. Remember when Copenhagen could advertise and give away free dip? There was nothing like spitting on the head of some little kid the row below you while watching Joe Altobelli kick some dirt. To be nine again… ’83 was an fine year.

In a move the NFL would applaud, bottled water has been banned from major league dugouts. It’s been proven that water is bad for your health so it has been replaced with Gatorade, the “official sports drink” of MLB.

…Instructions were sent that no player could be seen drinking anything but Gatorade in the dugout. Not even Aquafina, which is the “official water” of MLB. Not even bottles of water with the labels removed.

White Sox clubhouse personnel said if players take bottled water onto the bench, all the bottled water will be removed from the clubhouse as punishment.

Well done, Bud. Whether it’s steroids or water, baseball will not idly stand by and watch our children be corrupted by negative influences in the game.

We can’t wait until Gatorade is replaced by Wild Turkey or Key Food brand Prune Juice.